<p>Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. He definately is more of a glass half empty kind of kid. I realize he needs to figure this out on his own, it’s just hard to watch him flounder. He was a football player in high school, and had many smaller schools that wanted him to play, but he wanted to see what else was out there. He’s played football since age 7. I think he misses football and needs to find something to take its place. For now, I’m just going to listen and encourage, but I really feel he needs to find his own way in this. It’s so hard…</p>
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<p>Same thing here. I know that things are different elsewhere, of course.</p>
<p>In addition, most CCs are not residential schools, and the last thing a kid who is having trouble making social connections needs is a suitcase school or living at home in his old bedroom.</p>
<p>Staying where he is, raising his GPA, and actively working to find some friends through ECs sounds like a better idea to me. If he still doesn’t like it a year from now, he can transfer then. And hopefully with two semesters of better grades on his transcript.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard, as a parent, to stand by when he’s unhappy.</p>
<p>I do think a lot of kids who hate the first semester mellow in the second one. And some activity/any activity may get the magic to happen: would he try rugby or ultimate frisbee–both of which his football skill would suggest he’d be good at (sorry about the dangling preposition.) If he’s willing to be more introspective–could he get serious about what is that means he is not attracting others to get to know him? Some kids are genuinely interested with what they learn from some kind of personality “measure” like a MyersBriggs and it makes them think differently about who they are looking to connect up with. Also maybe some feedback about how a “glass half empty” perspective can be a turn-off? </p>
<p>Way too many kids who are eager to get to college are then really missing the social scene that high school classes and sports create that have to be found on your own, especially in a large school. Part of my love for small colleges is that it ironically makes it much easier to find friends than in a big school where there are way too many choices and usually no easily accessible mechanism (like a single dining hall or quad) for seeing who else is around that might be enough like you.</p>
<p>I would also suggest a part time job, if all activities are lame. My son has a food service job at his school and it has been a wonderful way to meet people, make friends and earn a little spending money. Hours are very scheduleable around classes, and he’s not working so much that it interferes with school; in fact it serves to structure his time.</p>
<p>Oh - wish I had thought to suggest that! If organized clubs and activities don’t appeal to him, an on-campus job is a great idea.</p>
<p>My sense is that the real red flag regarding your S first college semester is that he is struggling academically, and that the social issues are very much secondary, and perhaps even an excuse for his academic issues. Rutgers is like many state universities – large and diverse in regard to students, but at the same time with excellent teachers and a great opportunity to learn. Something is going amiss academically for your S, and he needs to understand better what that is. Perhaps it is poor high school preparation for college. For him to plan for a transfer when he’s doing poorly academically does not seem like the right life experience.</p>
<p>I encourage your S to discuss with his professors and adviser(s) what he needs to do to lift his grades. One term of slightly better grades is unlikely to mean academic success. A transfer is likely to take him to a lesser school than Rutgers, and with the likelihood of further academic difficulties.</p>
<p>^^ I don’t entirely agree with this. A 2.5, while not a coveted GPA, is not at all unusual for a new freshman. It takes a little while to adjust to college and independence for some kids. There are a lot of threads on this forum about kids who wound up with a much lower GPA than that freshman year (espec first semester) and were in danger of losing scholarships. I don’t think anything can be said about this student after one semester with respect to preparation for college or inability to handle the work. It’s a B- average, basically.<br>
I DO agree that the student would feel a lot better about things if he got the grades he was accustomed to getting and enjoyed some of his classes.<br>
As I said, I don’t hear great things about the overall college experience at Rutgers compared to most other places. It certainly can work out, but I don’t see a real red flag in the kid wanting to transfer, either. It can be turned around- my own kid turned around his dislike of his college and wound up staying. But plenty of kids DO transfer.</p>
<p>Agree with mowc. A 2.5 is not horrible. I don’t recall if the OP mentioned what kind of student her S was in h.s. If he was a B student (like my S2), a 2.5 should not be considered awful for the first semester, esp. since he was stressed about his situation at his current school. S2’s first sem. gpa was less than 2.5. Now that he’s a soph., he’s improved but will never be Dean’s List kid, still the B student he’s always been. That’s OK. Near 4.0 is not a requisite for college success.</p>
<p>I would not tolerate the classist, rude nonsense that “community college is for losers.” Our district is a title one district where students going to community college is often a finanical stretch and requires a large family effort. Those students work harder in one day that too many students at four year colleges work all semester. </p>
<p>I would rather be, marry, hire, be friends with and vote for someone who attended community college than an Ivy League grad who believed that community college is for “losers.”</p>
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<p>I’ll echo hopes that the second semester is a better one. </p>
<p>On one hand, if your son has difficulties making connections then a large school might not be the best choice. On the other, if he thinks everything if “stupid” at a huge school, a smaller school is not going to offer more clubs or chances to join in.</p>
<p>Is there any chance he could go play football at one of the smaller colleges? Maybe they’d be happy to have him for three years. It seems worth asking about.</p>
<p>My daughter is the “finding herself” sort of kid. The cc and job combo has been good for her. Part of her problem is figuring out WHAT to do. She’s kind of good at everything. That alone is overwhelming. CC for a year is giving her a breather. She was a NM Semi-Finalist and she is making straight A’s in cc and she’s developing a sense of competency and responsibility maintaining her own apt and working. It isn’t what we had planned, but every kid is different. Life is long if we’re lucky…a couple extra bumpy years on the path is no big sweat.</p>
<p>I have a child on LOA from school number one. He had a full-tuition plus scholarship but wasn’t thriving at the school. He had a higher GPA than the OP’s son, but not as high as he should have had (in my own humble opinion!). He was social and went out, etc. but told me he was unhappy. He gave it a little over two semesters and called it quits. He intends to transfer to the school he originally wanted to attend. In order to facilitate that transfer, he is living at home, attending CC, and working 5 days a week. He has one friend who lives in town and is bored to tears. Although I am sure he would rather be living on his own and attending the CC near his transfer dream school, he is happier doing this than trying to stick it out at the original college. Thinking about transferring was a great way for him to focus on what he was looking for. He went on a campus visit before taking his LOA and did all of the things he should have done earlier: attended classes in majors that interested him, met with an admissions counselor to see where he stood and what he needed to accomplish before applying, and figuring out what his living options are and how he can afford them. In other words, he is taking it very seriously and doing everything himself. So, here is a kid who had his education paid for (at a great school) and all he had to do was show up and get “B’s” for four classes a semester. Instead, he opted to work 5 days a week and attend the lowly CC. We’ll see how it goes. He may or may not get into his dream school (again!) but he is confident that he will land somewhere that is a good fit for him. And he will appreciate that in a way he could not have before. Most kids who hate school the first semester end up liking it by the end of their freshman year but for those who don’t, transferring is not the end of the world. Good luck OP… these are the kinds of problems to be thankful for, right? Nothing too serious and something that can be easily fixed. BTW, he should call some football coaches at schools he likes where he would be competitive athletically. They can get him in with a 2.5 and he would have lots of friends in the football program. Since he is not playing now, he can contact whoever he likes without violating NCAA rules. He can also asked to be a recruited walk-on, which at some schools can make admissions easier.</p>
<p>I think he misses football and needs to find something to take its place.</p>
<p>This could be a big part of it. He just went thru a fall without being a football player.</p>
<p>Could he try being a “walk on” at his present school? Do they have football?</p>
<p>If not, then maybe he could volunteer coaching at a nearby high school. </p>
<p>If his school does have a team, can he volunteer in some way with that?</p>
<p>If not, then a part-time job (just a few hours a week) might help.</p>
<p>I agree with so many ideas here. 1st semester isn’t easy regardless of where he goes. Getting a 2.5 isn’t a real confidence booster either. Being away from football is yet another challenging change. He needs to find something else that makes him feel good! No wonder why he feels everything is “stupid”. He related to kids as a “football” player and now needs to rebuild himself all over again. That’s hard. BTW: it seems that more and more kids are initially struggling because they DON’T drink. They’ll find themselves, and it’s okay not to drink.</p>
<p>Being in Newark isn’t a terrific place, but the school is really top-notch. I suggest he go to their B-ball games, and others sports activities. He might find himself useful there, and maybe find other “former football stars” like himself. And he should join the gym. I’m sure he’d really like that, and it’ll help rebuild his endorphins (or whatever you call those).</p>
<p>Has he considered Stockton or Rowan? TCNJ or Ramapo are probably out of the question with that GPA.</p>
<p>“I think he misses football and needs to find something to take its place.”</p>
<p>Rutgers has plenty of intramural and other sports he could participate in. </p>
<p>You also could suggest that he make an appointment with the school’s counseling center and get help with his social skills problems. The center also may have tips for how he can adapt to college better.</p>
<p>It’s great that he’s going to try again this term and hopefully consider some of the suggestions in this thread. Intramural sports or “club” sports can be a great outlet. My S (who is an introvert) formed a rockclimbing club at his U & they go camping & rockclilmbing regularly (never knew he ever had it as an interest, since it didn’t surface until college). D signed up for & loves fencing at her U. Both have also found on-campus part-time jobs to be a great way to meet people.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters that if he continues to find Rutgers miserable after this term, it is worthwhile to consider having him enroll in CC to boost his grades so he can transfer (if he can’t get accepted to play football at another school0.</p>
<p>You are wise to try to help him pinpoint what about his current school that he doesn’t like or doesn’t meet his expectations so that he can work on that either at Rutgers or his next school.</p>
<p>Good luck–it is painful to watch our kids figure out their way when we know they’re having some growing pains.</p>
<p>Thank you all. You guys are awesome. My son went back to school yesterday clearly knowing that his fate is in his own hands. HE must raise his grades, HE must make it work. I can’t do it for him, although I’ll support him any way I can.
He did consider walking on to the Rutgers football team, but that’s a difficult road and we had trouble making his schedule fit the football schedule. He will play intramural football this spring which should make him happy. He is very good, so everyone wants him on their team.
While my heart breaks for him, as he feels everything so deeply, I also recognize that it is time for him to spread his wings. We’ll see after this semester’s grades what his options are. Hopefully, he’ll be more comfortable and will want to stay at Rutgers. I encouraged him to take classes not related to business (which is his declared major), thinking maybe he’ll find his passion. We had a long talk about money versus happiness, I think he’s considering coaching football as a career direction, but is afraid he won’t make any money.
Thanks again for letting me vent; you all gave me perspective and I will remain supportive but removed while he finds his way…</p>
<p>Football in college is a far cry from football in h.s. S2 started at age 11, played all the way through h.s. He was good enough to be a four year starter/all conference type player in one of the largest schools in the state. He got letters of interest from small colleges but did not even consider it (like op’s s) </p>
<p>He had a a friend a year older who walked on at big state u. and said it was crazy hard and not to even consider it unless you loved football more than life. He quit football after one year. He is still at the university and actually has a class with S2 this sem.
In college, football is your life. There is very little time for anything else. Go to class, go to football practice which can be brutally hard at the college level.</p>
<p>. S2’s best friend who was conference player of year in h.s. went to play at a small college and hated it. A good student in h.s., he finished the year with a 1.9.
He is now at home working, says he is turned off by college and doesn’t care to go any sch now. His parents, both educators are heartbroken. He went to this sch. specifically for football.</p>
<p>Missing the routine/comraderie of h.s. football is way different than committing to college football. There is a lot of blood sweat and tears that you don’t see during the Sat. afternoon games. The OP’s S must have felt somewhat that way when he made the decision to forego the offers from the small schools last year. </p>
<p>I’m not saying football can’t work for the OP’s S, just that it is much more a business on the college level, eats up most of your time outside of class, workouts are pretty brutal, and chances are you may not even get to play. Unless he’s a “football is life” kinda guy, it may not be the answer to his problems.</p>
<p>Definitely do not choose a college based solely on the fact that they say he can be on the football team. </p>
<p>Try intramurals or club sports.</p>
<p>I am a big believer in there is a school out there for everyone…you just have to find it.
Most often times, you know what is best for you within. It very well may be difficult for him to communicate it since it could be more of a feeling of comfort or something along those lines. I think you are doing the best thing with encouraging him to focus on his grades. Maybe we can re-evaluate things at the end of the year and see how he feels. He can start at a cc or can begin the college search process all over again. I do think he needs to have an idea of what interests him so he knows what type of school to narrow his search too.
Good luck! This could be the first of many really big decisions he will have to make that includes others feelings and financial status. He sounds like he is grounded and knows what is important, so I am sure he will make a good decision.</p>