<p>I remember I went in as a 13 year old in a class of all 16 year olds. I was in a music theory course where this was really my first taste while everyone else had already gone through a year of high school theory. I was definetly deficient in my skills for the class. I was also much like your son, I was overconfident because I was "smarter" than most of the other kids in my school and to be honest that continued through high school too. At CTY however, I had equals and betters. It was a bewildering experience. I however took it as a challenge. If there were people that were "smarter" than me, I was going to strive to be on their level or better than they.</p>
<p>If he can't handle that others are "smarter" than he, he needs to find another way to look at it then him depressing him. I agree with some above posters that he needs to struggle this one out. CTY helped me out a lot confidence wise because it was a reality check for me. I realized that I could be confident in other ways than being "smarter" than everyone.</p>
<p>I expect that the director needs to wait until the instructor and the TA and RA are free from their teaching and supervisory duties--which may be soon-- in order to discuss what could be done. If your H visits this weekend, he could talk to them all in person?</p>
<p>Sharon- just because you haven't heard back from the site director doesn't mean that she hasn't met already with the instructor and the academic counselor to come up with a plan. They are much better communicating with the kids and with each other than they are with the parental back and forth....</p>
<p>I know that doesn't reassure you or make you feel better if your son is truly unhappy, but they rarely let these things go.</p>
<p>It is always rough when they use the phone call to pour out their troubles; I mean, we want them to feel comfortable doing that, but they often go off quite happily with the rest of their day and there we are left, holding the bag!</p>
<p>Is there a way your son can realize he is doing absolutely terrifically at the program, just by surviving academically? After all, the older CTY kids are very bright. It's not like he's just been accelerated in an ordinary school setting. </p>
<p>I would also say that as kids get older, their needs change. Mine were more willing to be the smarter, younger kid when they were younger; as they got older, their going away was often an opportunity to be part of a peer group. So it may not be that his self-esteem is really suffering, but more that he wants to be around kids his age. </p>
<p>This is an opportunity to applaud him for being in tune with his own needs. Sometimes success isn't doing-well-in-a-big-name-program. Sometimes it's knowing-oneself-well-enough-now-to-recognize-what-works-and-what-doesn't. That he has developed the latter ability is very much to his credit, and that ability will be very helpful to him in the future. It's my own personal bias that unless a program is dowright abusive, one ought to just finish it out, but that's assuming he has other fun and relaxation time later in the summer.</p>
<p>And certainly CTY ought to be sensitive to the problem and responsive to your concerns. </p>
<p>My daughter has been at camp a week (Summer at Brown University) and she is very unhappy. She is 14 and a lot the kids in her group are rising juniors and seniors. She said the kids are "party animals," and a girl in her dorm was off to play strip poker. I wish I had put more thought into my decision about summer camp. I thought this would be a once in a life time opportunity for her. I think she just hasn't met the kids like her, which is unfortunate. The day is too unstructured and she said she wanders around for hours by herself not knowing what to do. I think if we ever do another camp like this, then I will look into CTY. Good luck finding a resolution.</p>
<p>I was the opposite to the OP my last year (2001) at CTYI here in Dublin. I was the oldest student in the entire session (I was 16, almost 17) and I chose to take a humanities course... International History. Academically I had very little challenge, but I wouldn't have missed the social aspect for the world.</p>
<p>This is a wonderful community and I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond and make suggestions!</p>
<p>No word yet, and since tonight is Friday it may be because they have social activities. I usually hear from my son at 9:15, but tonight I may not since there is the traditional dance. (Hey, do they play American Pie at all the CTY dances?)</p>
<p>Great suggestion about having my husband meet with some folks when he goes up there, although I'm half hoping that my son will change his mind and not want a visit!</p>
<p>Taking medical sciences with little real biology would be very tough even for the brightest of adults, much less a 13 year old. Tell him to learn what he can, not fret over what he doesn't get, its not like this counts toward anything, maybe a little ego bruising, but that is okay. </p>
<p>When my Ds were little, they loved gymnastics. THey weren't the best, but they weren't the worst.</p>
<p>In the class, you earned stars for accomplishing something, like a back walkover, cartwheel on the balance beam. Well, some girls were getting stars left and right, proudly wearing them on their belts while others were struggling. And the coaches would forget to give out stars. My Ds would come home crying. I said, well, only another month on the contract, lets stick it out if you like the stuff you are doing, and toss the belts. Well, once we tossd the belts and they didn't care so much about the stars and being compared to girls that were ahead of them and more skilled, they had a blast. After the first class and Ds didn't have belts, other girls asked about it, and my Ds explained they wanted to do gymnastics for fun, not for stars. The next week, about 5 more girls came without belts!!! </p>
<p>What my daughters learned is they didn't have to be stars (sorry) at everything, it was okay. And somethings can just be fun, regardless of the results.</p>
<p>Problem with Stairway to Heavan is it gets faster toward the end, and everyone stops slow dancing and doesn't quite know what to do...that I remember from my school dances</p>
<p>I would be more concerned withthe social aspects of the 13 year olds experience rather than the academic.He's probably outsized by the other guys and not as socially prepared to "fit in". Theres a vast difference between 13 year olds and 15-16 year olds socially if not academicially.15-16 year old girls are not going to include 13 year old boys in their out of class acitivities, as nice as they may be to them during the class time.</p>
<p>onesharon-
Sorry to hear about the adjustment struggles. My older s. had some similar struggles, but all worked out well in the end. My boys have attended the Duke TIP program (similar to CTY). When my older s. first went, he was the only rising 8th grader in a class with one rising 9th grader-- the rest were 10th and rising 11th graders (if memory serves me). To add to the challenge, he had just had some surgery and his hand was bandaged and in stitches. He was also put in his bottom choice class. He really wanted a science or computer class, but ended up in a class on the history and production of film. If this wasn't bad enough, he was very small with blond hair, and was quickly dubbed "waif boy". Oh, did I also mention he has a summer birthday so he is already one of the youngest in his grade? And, he tends to be shy? And, we live 8 hrs away so coudn't easily just pop up for a weekend visit. All of this sounds like a recipe for disaster, but it worked out ok. His RA group was all rising 8th and 9th graders, so he had a group of kids his general age to connect with. The social activities were pretty structured. He also had to be seen by a local MD for his hand one day, missed dinner and got to order in chinese food, which made him pretty popular! The class involved producing a film, and his small size came in handy for his group's film. Plus, the whole program was only 3 weeks long, so it did fly by pretty quickly. He made it through ok, but I wouldn't say he loved it. He took 2 summers off before returning to attend TIP the last year of the program. Then he was in the oldest group (10th graders-- rising 11th), and had more freedom/priviledges. They've also gotten a little better at restricting many of the classes to kids in 2 grades (eg my younger one will be in a class this yr with rising 10th and 11 graders only, and last yr was on a campus with only rising 8th and 9th graders). For your son, as long as he had the prerequisites for his class, he'll be fine. Yes, the older kids will have already had more exposure to the higher level sciences , but hopefully this will be a great opportunity for your son to pick a lot of it up (he sounds bright and motivated), and he'll be ahead of the game when he returns to HS in the fall. </p>
<p>Oh, another positive thing. When my older s. got his materials for his college freshman orientation stuff a year ago, it turns out that one of the friends he'd made at Duke was in his dorm!! They've become great friends again, and my s, his freshman yr roommate and this third fellow from the TIP program will all be roommates off campus next year! So, I have all reason to believe things will work out well for your son. Send him a big package o' goodies for him and his RA friends to enjoy. That helps too. I'll bet news this week will be better. Oh, and the film/video class my s. took gave him the prereqs to take a higher level video/editing class in HS that met his art requirement. He had fun with all the digital equipment, learned a lot about editing, and did some volunteer work for a local organization to edit a 30' TV show down to a 2' film clip. He is, however, no fun to go to movies with. He'll now point out all the lighting and editing errors!</p>
<p>An Marite!! Welcome back! Your voice of reason and wisdom has been SORELY missed!</p>
<p>cathymee, our experience with CTY has not been as you suggest. Our sons were both well integrated into social activities with older kids even as 13-year-olds. The out-of-class social activities are designed that way. (The afternoons include both a week-long fun thing and a daily fun thing of their choice, and these often involve a mix of girls and boys of varying ages.) The CTY experience, for most kids, involves inclusion far more often than exclusion. In our experience, the residence counselors are good at enabling this and spotting problems early.</p>
<p>I still have not heard from the CTY staff, except that the RA told my son not to complain to me because I gave the office a hard time. (My son told me this last night.) </p>
<p>On a social note, he seems to be doing pretty well...enjoyed the dance last night and has been hanging out quite a bit with the 15 year old next door to him. He danced at the dance and sang along to everything including American Pie. He has gotten to know a lot of the kids and seems to feel comfortable with them, which is good as well. And I haven't heard from him today which is probably a good sign!</p>
<p>I'm glad he won't have class again until Monday night, but am a bit disappointed that, whatever the RA chose to communicate to my son (and of course I wasn't there for the conversation), that's the piece my son came away with. (He does like the RA a lot, though, and says he's the best one of the bunch. So, it might have been in the context of the RA trying to find out what was going on in the class.)</p>
<p>Hubby is still planning on going up tomorrow, but probably won't speak to anyone on staff. If I don't hear from anyone by Tuesday I guess I'll call again...but at this point I'm getting the impression that they don't care too much about the situation. Am I reading too much into this?</p>
<p>I won't win any popularity contests for sying this, but onesharon, maybe it's time to let your son make his own way. It sounds like the RA "checked on him" and gauged how he was feeling. It also sounds like he is beginning to find his way socially. Dad visiting may cause a serious setback. This is a long weekend of bonding at these programs, not too many parents will be visiting.</p>
<p>I think CTY and programs of all sorts get calls from concerned moms on a daily basis. Their first job, when they do it right, is to see what's up with the kid. You should get the call any time now saying they think he's fine.</p>
<p>I say all this because I was a mother who over reacted everytime my oldest child expressed discomfort his first summer at CTY. A very kind RA (and DH) told me to back off and let him work it out. I did, he did, and we all grew from the experience. Good luck!</p>