<p>Working on helping second child navigate the college search process. He wants to play football, has a solid resume, good scores and total discipline/dedication to the sport. Looking at D3 maybe D2 schools not far from home. I know there's a lot more he can do, but he's adamant about managing the process. I just want to see him land in a place that will nurture his intellect and love of sport. Thoughts? Advice?</p>
<p>I think he has a solid plan. Keeping it close to home means that he can meet the coaches and players and be able to visit the schools. Since you are probably helping to pay for the school, it would not be wrong for you to set certain parameters. Let him know how much you are able and willing to spend, so he has to come in under budget. If there are certain academic standards (6-year graduation rates, Phi Beta Kappa, etc) then let him know your conditions. </p>
<p>The onle thing that I would stress is that he needs to like the environment in case he can no longer play football.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. That’s very helpful. #1 son was a very different college story, so this is new territory for me.</p>
<p>Our rule was that the kids each got to select 4 schools to consider and H and I got to toss 2 each into the mix. </p>
<p>This worked well with S1…S2 is a different sort of cat…:p</p>
<p>I was DD’s advisor, researcher, and sounding board. She was the criteria definer and decision maker. The only thing I decreed was the maximum parent contribution (and she came in below that, bless her!). It was a great experience, working with this fantastic young lady, for the first time adult-to-adult. </p>
<p>And lo and behold, she actually took most of my advice!!!</p>
<p>I am not so sure on this. I feel like I would need more details. My sister got in to good colleges that were a few hours away. She decided not to go because she did not want to leave her high school friends. This proved to not be good at all for her. She never got involved in college life. She actually dropped out at one point and returned later to graduate. But in hindsight, it would have been better for her to go further away and make that break from the not-so-great high school friends she had. Many of them were nice enough people, but none of them went to college themselves so she constantly was trying to keep up those relationships and dropped out as a result. She did return later. But if the situation is anything like that, then I would at least take him to visit further away schools and such.</p>
<p>ahaha, he doesn’t want to be managed anymore. I didn’t either! </p>
<p>I ended up fine! I’m sure he will too. </p>
<p>It’s a pretty normal attitude. You can TRY to help if you must. </p>
<p>It sounds like he’d respond to it better if you did the research yourself and presented him with an argument for the various schools you think would be good for him andn why. Then he MIGHT do further research on his own into your choices. I feel this would work better than you attempting a more collaborative approach. lol</p>
<p>In this situation, are his coaches helping? While never having done it myself (college admission plus D3 sports), I know several families who have for football and the recruitment process is much earlier than even Early Decision admission. The coaches play a big role in communicating with college football recruiters, even for D3. (And these kids I know got into schools better than they could have on academics alone!) If he’s got the talent, this is a good thing.</p>
<p>Also don’t be surprised if the quality of the football team and the conference they are in play a role in his decision making. My son isn’t even playing football in college but did in high school, and this was important to him.</p>
<p>I think your son has achieved what everyone here should strive for, independence from his parents. Good for him. If he wants to manage the process, FANTASTIC. I don’t see anything wrong with you suggesting some schools he might want to consider but let him run with the process. Congratulations!!</p>
<p>I am with Stevema, and really jealous!!
That said, is he expecting you to pay all or most of the bill? And just because he wants to manage the process, does not mean you can’t do some of your own research, and require him to consider some schools that you feel are a good match for him.
I think it is also imperative that you provide him with any non-negotiable guidelines. Especially how much you are willing to contribute financially.</p>
<p>It is great you DS want to take control of the process! I do agree with other posters that you need to discuss financial reality with him. </p>
<p>With my DS it was a great experience going through the college application journey. We both learned a lot about each other. He also realized that he didn’t want to play sports in college (3 sport varsity) and wanted to focus on academics midway through year. He had a wide variety of schools to select from and just completed a happy freshman year.</p>
<p>With DD we are primarily looking at merit schools. She will make ultimate decision of what schools she applies to in August, but I am doing research to make sure financially it is realistic.</p>
<p>He sounds like a great kid.</p>
<p>Adding athletic recruitment to the mix can be a lot to navigate. Not all that familiar with it on the personal level, although my older D was recruited by a couple in-state smaller schools. But I work at a university and have to prepare reports/configure computer systems for the NCAA interface (Div II), so am somewhat aware of the extra layer of bureaucracy and requirements.</p>
<p>Can you work it out so he is in the driver’s seat, but you are along for the ride in the front seat? One of my S’s friends wanted to manage his application process, to the point of not allowing his parents to look at his applications. While in the end he’s going to a good school, he did not have the admission outcome I would have expected with his scores/accomplishments. I didn’t see his application either, obviously, but he applied ED to the same school as S, and I was very shocked when my S was admitted and his friend was deferred and eventually rejected. </p>
<p>In my opinion there is an awful lot at stake in the admission application process, and while it’s possible to transfer or re-apply, your best chance for $ and admission is more likely to be direct from HS.</p>
<p>If you can have a partnership, allowing him the leadership position, but working together as an assistant, that would be an ideal model. With our second time through (after we had navigated the process before) it was very interactive for us. As parents we offered suggestions/provided reminders, but allowed S to make the decisions.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the great advice. He’ll remain in the driver’s seat while we consult at critical points. I know that his independence will serve him well in the long run. Thanks again.</p>
<p>If your son is going to play football, then he’s probably right to look at schools that aren’t too far away. I’m guessing that you’re going to want to attend his home games, right (and maybe a few close "away games)? It would be very pricey for you to travel to his school if it req’d air travel, hotels, rental cars, etc.</p>
<p>My sister’s son plays a sport at a univ that is on the other coast from her. She regrets that she can’t attend many of his events.</p>
<p>Just make sure that you’ve told him the MAX that you’ll pay (taking into acct that having a sports kid may incur other costs for the family…like attending games), and that he has a couple of financial safeties on his list.</p>
<p>Thanks for the feedback–very helpful.</p>
<p>Sounds like you’re not looking(much) at athletic scholarship, given D2 or D3. thats fine.
As MizzBee first said, unless cost is no object, then student needs to know in advance how much parents are willing/able to chip in toward costs. Sad story when parent doesn’t give kid advance guideline, then he finds school for far more money than parents wanted/expected. I am not sure this student is independent of parents, or that he is an adult. Most students this age still expect parents to pay all or most of college costs, and that is neither independent nor an adult(yet).</p>
<p>I did the whole college applying thing on my own, and my parents just signed the forms. On the positive side, I got what I wanted and the consequences are all mine. On the negative side, I sold myself short in a lot of ways. Let your son make the decisions, but do sit down with him for an honest talk about what you think about him and what you think about his choices.</p>
<p>To summarize all the posts, I believe the way to handle this is just as vienneslights suggests, let him lead the process, but make and take the time to consult w/facts, figures and observations. Thanks to all. Your suggestions really helped.</p>
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<p>Yes, that seems to be all too common a story found here. Or the related one of the student asking early on and getting a vague response like “we’ll figure it out after you get accepted.”</p>
<p>Parents need to make the cost constraints clear early on, and give sufficient information for the student to check the net price calculators for each school (or be willing to run the net price calculators themselves), so that an appropriate application list including safeties which are definitely affordable can be made. The student can also know that, for some schools, s/he may have to aim for a large enough merit scholarship rather than merely admission.</p>
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<p>For financial aid purposes, college students are not considered independent of parents until they are 24 years old, married, or military veterans. Those who have parents with high (for financial aid purposes) incomes but low actual ability and/or willingness to pay will typically come up short with need-based financial aid.</p>
<p>As a mom of two sons who played football in college (one DIII, one DIAA), there is so much to do for the recruiting process today that I can’t imagine a student not needing a lot of help from parents to guide through the process. If your son is a rising senior, he should be attending camps this summer to get “looks” by coaches at schools he is interested in. He should be working on highlight video/cd and resume of his test scores, GPA, school activities and athletic stats and awards. These should be mailed with personal cover letters to coaches at schools he is interested in—and followed up with phone calls (see NCAA rules for guidelines/timeframes). Scheduling campus visits and meetings with coaches during the fall can be challenging, so the summer is a good time to do some of these, if possible. The high school coach can be a terrific asset, but your son needs to keep him in the loop and often specifically ask him to call/advocate a college coach on your son’s behalf. All coaches–on the HS and college side --are very busy in the fall especially, when the application process is heating up for students. If your son is limiting his search to local colleges, and he is able to identify a top choice where the football fit, academic fit, and financial fit seem good, consider early decision or early action options. Many schools–and student athletes–uses these options to seal the deal when the match is good. Both my sons did.</p>