<p>What she said!!! And hello to all my CC buddies on this thread who are living with these issues.</p>
<p>Find an executive function coach. Some students do just fine with coaching by Skype, but others do better with someone in person. </p>
<p>If he can take a LOA from school, have him do it. My brilliant son’s GPA was something like a 2.3 after first semester freshman year. We had all kinds of meetings and great intentions and bigger and better organizational ideas for that second semester…and it was worse than the first. Right before spring break we got the “come and get him” phone call.</p>
<p>From reading this thread, and from my perspective as the mom of a kid with NVLD and ADHD, I can’t see any reason to send this kid back to the site of his catastrophic failure before a full diagnosis is obtained and corrective measures (whatever they may be) are successfully put into place–a process that can be lengthy. What is your rationale for sending him back to school? If your kid was struck down with hepatitis or Lyme disease, you’d arrange a medical leave and get him treated. I am bewildered that any other path is being considered here. It’s frighteningly naive to think that a better planner or other organization system will do the trick. Please, keep him home, fly or drive to the nearest urban area where he can be properly diagnosed and treated, and forget the fantasy of returning to school with a magically better result.</p>
<p>Best case- it’s not autism or bi-polar or anything neurological and he’s not suffering from depression. It’s just plain vanilla 'I goofed and things fell apart". Even in the best case, it doesn’t sound like there’s a plan in place to get your S to a better place next semester. The best folders and org charts in the world notwithstanding.</p>
<p>Worst case- he needs an Rx and a medical/intervention team in place to identify the problem and figure out how he can be helped.</p>
<p>But I don’t think either case suggests he should go back determined to “do better”. Whatever that means.</p>
<p>I flunked a class in college. But I sure knew why, and I certainly didn’t need a fact-finding mission on how I could have prevented it. Lesson learned- you can’t blow off class, assignments, etc and show up for a review session during reading week and catch up. OK- that was a hard lesson worth learning.</p>
<p>But if your son really doesn’t know why things fell apart- not sure sending him back is the answer, even in the best case.</p>
<p>If it looks like a duck, and it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, maybe it isn’t a duck, but you should not be sending out to the duck marsh at hunting season.</p>
<p>I agree with the advice OP is getting. Professional evalutations are in order, and son should try going to local school with parent watching how he does on his own. How is this student functioning? Are there any local colleges where he can dorm, and you can watch how he is dealing with things there? Just sending him back to the school without understanding exactly what the problem is…nope. You can’t put him in local apartment and move in with him there and see where the he is having problems. You are just setting him up for failure again.</p>
<p>My plan B was for my son to take some classes at the local CC to build up his confidence, get some of the basics out of the way, etc., then go back to his 4 year LAC after a year. Only once he got lost in a class at the CC, he stopped attending (driving there every day and sitting in the car)…yes, my briliant boy managed to be on academic probation at community college. So don’t necessarily even rush into a full load of classes at CC.</p>
<p>Poor grooming, weird sleep patterns, not talking…this is his everyday normal. He does have friends, despite this, as he’s extremely good looking (many autism spectrum people are) and good natured. Depression in him is displays of anger and I’m totally not seeing any of that. I have noticed that he lost weight at school and he’s weak. He could easily carry two 50lb feedbags at a time before, now he struggled with one to take it just 300’. He looks emaciated and he has the upper arms of a little girl instead of his previous lean farm boy build. I’m discussing a leave of absence with him, he’s resistant so far.</p>
<p>Yes, absolutely I will be helicoptering him if he does a Spring semester. I’m thinking of going with him to his school on Monday, but I know that colleges exclude parents. Would my presence there be accepted/help at all? Who would I ask?</p>
<ul>
<li>because of first semester grades the $40K scholarship is lost so he cant return next year in any event regardless of Spring grades (there maybe be an astrix here if Fall semester can be stricken in some way)</li>
<li>no matter what happens he is probably at Junior College next year
-he is some distance away from Ruralsville and you wont be able to offer much by way of in person assistance. </li>
</ul>
<p>If those are true it sounds like the decision is down to:</p>
<p>Option One: return to BigU
get on campus assistance
pick an easy schedule
provide remote assistance
Upside: obtains redemption at BigU, but no diploma
a semester of education paid for
some progress in diagnosis in Big City?
Downside: with no clear idea what went wrong in Fall, course correction is guesswork
being remote there is low ability to offer assistance
being unobserved, it possible he could spiral again before anyone notices
a second failure could shatter his confidence</p>
<p>**Option 2: Withdraw from BigU **
Upside: avoidance of downsides of Option 1
security that you dont have to worry what is going on with him
kid available if a diagnostic option is found locally
Downside: no BigU redemption
$20K education lost opportunity cost.
door closed on BigU</p>
<p>It seems like it pretty much comes down to the walking away from $20K in funny money balanced against possible mental health outcomes. I think the $20K is a bit of a wash is he was going to take easy A courses to keep his average up. He could take blow offs at the JC. </p>
<p>How important do you think it would be to be able to say to himself “I walked away, they didnt kick me out”. Some kids might not care a whit, but for some it might be a point of pride. You have to balance that against the fact that you being so remote you will be unable to render very effective intervention. He is basically going back into battle with the equipment he had before.</p>
<p>Would he value redemption a lot AND you have a greater than 70% chance you believe he can be successful AND another failure wouldnt be crushing: that would be my decision point for return.</p>
<p>Colleges do not exclude parents if the student is there. If your son allows it, you can walk into the disability office or the dean’s office with him.</p>
<p>You would ask how to get a medical leave. Failing that, you would ask about disability resources-- but they will ask for a written diagnosis, so you should get one right away.</p>
<p>Colleges will often assure parents that they know how to handle kids with symptoms that look like Aspergers. Usually, they are incorrect about that, so by default, don’t believe them. </p>
<p>Your son was losing weight at school, he was doing nothing for his classes (I bet he wasn’t going to classes), and he apparently was getting no exercise and not taking care of personal grooming. Sounds like he shut down almost entirely. I would find that alarming.</p>
<p>argbargy, Do you have any personal experience with this kind of situation? I think you are sugar-coating the downsides of sending him back to school. A likely outcome would be that the parents were called to come get their child some time in the middle of the semester. There are even sadder possible outcomes for a student who is depressed, as it sounds like this student is.</p>
<p>Rapid weight loss could be a metabolic disorder or something easily treated with meds. I would err on the side of getting a full work up before sending him back…</p>
<p>I sort of do, but since we have never met the son and even morgana199 isnt clear whats going on I’d hesitate to say that there is a parallel.</p>
<p>My though is just to clarify what this decision comes down to. As disgusting as it sounds, I think the $20K education is off the table since even in the best case you’d want him in easy classes and hence there is little value to them at the elite level. </p>
<p>I think you guys are looking at this from perspective of minimizing the worst case. I think that may be a reasonable attitude but OP is in the best position to evaluate how much her kid is like the worst case. I’ve got to put some weight on the fact that she lived with the kid and didnt see this coming going into Fall.</p>
<p>I will mention here that my son spent his last 2 years of high school at the JC in dual enrollment, with a 3.5 GPA and 30 credits. He also has professional credentials in wed design. He composes music and he’s produced 3cd’s, his music is on sites for download. The problem isn’t the class work, he thinks computer science is easy. He just does that entire autistic pattern- weird sleep pattern, poor grooming, doesn’t communicate with professors and misses turning in papers, even completed ones. He missed maybe 3 classes this last semester but I was suspicious that he only had 2 finals…I suspect that he missed showing up for 2-3 finals and/or a missed final project. The thing about autism spectrum, my son at least, is that he never feels anxiety or self-doubt. He was in professional children’s theater for years and never had stage fright. They always gave him the stiff, unflappable roll (the duke, the butler). I think a little test anxiety is a good thing, sharpens the edge. He doesn’t feel introspective either, or emotions such as guilt or shame. He can analyze them in literature with amazing competence but they’re remote emotions to him. He has a terrific room mate this year and they simply don’t talk, they don’t relate to one another. He’s amazingly easy to live with- always even tempered, will do anything willingly if asked, never, never moody or difficult. I have always had to remind him to eat, though, or fix him something and set it right down. He doesn’t feel temperature (hot or cold) and often wears a sweater in summer or short sleeves in the snow. It wouldn’t occur to him to cry at a sad movie, or be frightened, because to him it’s a movie. He laughs a lot.
He was an advanced little boy until he had the vaccines, reading at 3, amazingly co-ordinated. Then he had the last set of vaccines before school and the DPT. He had seizures and was never the same.</p>
<p>If rapid weight loss were the only thing at issue here, that would be one thing. But according to the OP the kid has had clear issues for many, many years.</p>
<p>I have no expertise or personal experience in this area, but simply based on what has happened to the children of people I know and on the experiences related over the years by CC parents, I am very afraid for this student if he returns to school.</p>
<p>I hadn’t thought of a medical leave. Argbargy, that’s a terrific analysis thanks for taking the time. Actually he could retain his scholarships if he had great grades and took summer classes with great grades. Optimistic, I know, but he carried 3 classes a semester at JC (Statistics, English Lit, web design as examples) and had straight A’s each semester. I have heard it said of Asperger’s that they can’t handle too many balls in the air, but that they do well with a minimum class load.</p>
<p>Fang, thanks,
I already phoned them and they aren’t taking new cases. My son’s grandfather (on his father’s side)is a professor in the psych dept at Davis, I want to ask for his help getting in there. My son told his grandfather about his grades, but not about the Asperger’s because he doesn’t want to appear weak. He’s not willing to let me talk to him, there’s a lot of history with his Dad and Grand about his Dad’s bi-polar issues. I suspect that this has always been an elephant in the room for the three of them.</p>
<p>No matter what supports you get at the school, no one’s going to remind him to eat. </p>
<p>If an external reminder is necessary, then you and he are going to have to figure out a way to remind him to eat, whether that’s an electronic reminder or someone you pay to take him to the cafeteria or some routine that he commits to that includes him eating.</p>
<ul>
<li>poor grooming</li>
<li>doesn’t hand in work, even when he finished it</li>
<li>doesn’t respond to emotional cues in the way others do</li>
<li>doesn’t talk to others</li>
<li>doesn’t greet others</li>
<li>likes computers and computer science</li>
<li>doesn’t feel warm/cold in the way others do</li>
<li>catastrophic crash and burn the first time he went off to college, even though he is bright and mentally capable of understanding the material and doing the work</li>
<li>doesn’t make eye contact</li>
<li>weird sleep patterns</li>
<li>forgets to eat</li>
</ul>
<p>Jeez, he looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has webbed feet, bills and feathers and paddles around in the water. Maybe he’s a guy in a duck costume, but you’d do well to consider that he might be a duck and you should treat him like one.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Why yes, I am. Because when my Aspie son completely shut down his second semester and I had to come and get him, that was not the worst case. The worst case is… I don’t even want to say what the worst case is. But the worst case is not that unlikely.</p>
<p>“Capitol Autism” (916-923-1789) has been promoting themselves since this summer and the passage of Senate Bill 946. If you insist on limiting the evaluation to one for Autism, that might be an option, and it’s easy to get to from Stockton, where UofP is.</p>
