@Andi75 You need to pick and choose your battles in life. If it is worth damaging the relationship with a roommate and friend that he is going to have for the rest of the year and his family, then tell the roommate he has to stay at school. As a mother with adult sons, it’s my experience that they don’t want to talk to you for six hours and that they enjoy being with their friends. If it is just the two of you for a long trip, there is usually headphones, napping or texting going on.
gearmom, That is something the parents have to decide. Clearly they are bothered by it, otherwise they would not be posting. I think there is a happy medium in a situation like this. It doesn’t have to be all or none. With a long drive like that, we would probably stop for lunch/dinner, etc. Sometimes families just need to be together without outsiders. I think it would be okay once a month or something, but would become monotonous every weekend. I would at least hope the other parents acknowledge this huge favor and it would occur to them to offer doing the drive certain weeks.
I also think it will be nice next year for the son to have someone to drive with on most weekends. I spend a lot of time worrying about my daughter driving by herself to school. She drives a 74 VW Bug, has to go really slow so it takes much longer, and there is nothing on the last 50 miles of highway. I love it when she has a friend with her.
^^I think that’s a real consideration for OP, who, if you missed it, is at peace with how this is going. (And asking Santa for a teleporter. …)
@twoinanddone I would also be far more comfortable with the son driving WITH someone for those six hours rather than alone. Anything can go wrong. That would actually be a blessing.
@Andi75 I can’t even imagine that conversation, having to tell your roommate that you need to have alone time with mom to talk. They have him all weekend which is unusual for kids who go to college three hours away. I would still be leery of damaging that friendship. Kids do dumb things at college sometimes and it’s great to have a true friend who truly has your back. If the son has a car next year, what a gift for him to have a best friend to drive with every weekend. So much safer. Maybe it’s best not to damage the friend’s relationship with his girlfriend so he WILL be a driving companion next year. There are different times in your life that people go above and beyond for you. If you’re always looking for fifty fifty, you don’t always build up friend equity when you truly need it.
gearmom. Clearly the poster is bothered by this situation. It’s ultimately up to them. You points are valid as well as mine. I’m not saying everything will be perfectly divey-ed up 50-50. That would be impossible. I lived with my best friend in college and at times we both needed a break. Getting a car also becomes a hassle. Everyone asks for rides here and there…or asks to borrow the car. “I can’t even imagine that conversation having to tell your roommate you need alone time with your mom to talk.” I didn’t say that should be said. I was just pointing out that it takes away from family time and sometimes young people do need a break. It sound like this person’s son is very busy while he is at home, so it would be nice to have some alone time with his family on occasion. The family knows better than we do, and clearly they are somewhat bothered by it.
@Andi75 OP needs to weigh all possibilities.
But what I didn’t hear was the usual, I’m so lonely at college and I have no friends complaint and the my roommate is a nightmare complaint. OP’s son is going home every weekend (that families choice for a professional opportunity) and that must be impacting his social life. If he didn’t have this friend, would he be lonely, miserable at school? Personally, I’d be grateful that my kid was well adjusted and thriving at school and not be bothered by another seat occupied. And of course the bonus will come the next three years if the friend remains a traveling companion.
I wouldn’t involve myself in the snack issue. If the boys can’t eat enough at mealtime, let them figure that one out.
S is pretty much not at home on the weekends – if not doing his activity, he is off with friends or practicing or working. I definitely have enjoyed those times we’ve had alone in the car. S and I have great conversations about everything. I have no plans to confront his roommate or the family, this is a situation I’ve created, it’s basically working. I don’t know why I’m here complaining, I guess I was in a foul mood when I started this thread, and I wish I could delete it, but the Terms of Service won’t allow me to. My plan is to let this thread die and sink to the bottom! Thanks again.
Ha, but there’s an expression: car jail. It’s when you have your kid trapped for a while. Some swear it’s more effective for communicating than trying to catch their attention at home.
We usually offered to bring friends, because some of this time in their lives (a lot of it, in fact,) is about them, the little things, offers, nicenesses they like. And because being the good gal or guy is a good position. But this wasn’t every weekend. And no investment in common room things. --Ok, the dorm fridge was ours, but we already had it. And I always bought D1 a case or two of water bottles, because she said having the water supply was a great way to meet others. 
@booksenkatz sometimes all we need to do is vent!
OP- if the roommate is bumming a ride to visit his GF, do his parents even know he is coming home every weekend?
Yes, his parents are aware he is home, they are thrilled to have him, and have asked me to bring him home several times. I deliver him to their waiting arms, lol.
I think this thread really underscores how different families are in how these things play out. I love my kids, and we did our fair share of getting them to numerous sporting , music, scouting activities in childhood . But, the idea of committing to 12 hours in a car most weekends for a college age child is above and beyond what I would have wanted to do, so kudos to the OP. His activity clearly means a lot to him and to you and I wish him continued success. Maybe the other family just has different views of what they want to do, their kid is not pursuing something that requires these trips home, there are other siblings possibly whose needs need to be met, elder or job issues that make it hard to transport their son regularly for nonessential trips home, etc. We just don’t know. We are not hearing from them about whether or not they really want their kid to come home most weekends from three hours away. I would not have wanted my kids doing that but it clearly works for some people. The other family has shown “extreme gratitude” for some of the things the OP has done and hopefully the kid at least thanks them for the rides.
Your son must be very talented . Good luck to him in his career launch!
Well, thanks for the input that they are thrilled to have him home so often from college . At least you and they seem to be on the same page! Since you seem to communicate regularly with the family, might be a good idea to at least try to coordinate transportation for breaks and holidays.
@booksenkatz You and your son are building up friend equity. Not a bad investment.
I listened to an interview on NPR today. A very successful actor said how he could never be where he is now if it were not for his mom driving him in his younger years. He said driving seems like a simple thing. It is always taken for granted and overlooked, but it was absolutely essential for his success.
I bet your S will say the same about you some day.
And the rest will become a distant memory.
OP- a therapist taught me a technique many years ago which might work for you. Mine also involved weekly drives- but for an elderly and ill parent. It was about 375 miles round trip every weekend- so similar to yours. And I would face Monday morning going to work exhausted, angry, and frustrated. (so many bad decisions all around which led to the situation). And by Thursday or so when I was feeling better I had to contemplate doing it all over again. Ugh.
The therapist showed me that I was making a choice (I didn’t feel that way). I could simply decide not to go one weekend. I could quit my job and move closer to take care of this person. I could hire someone else to do what I was doing on the weekend. Etc. And every time I explained why this plan or that plan was terrible or unfeasible or ridiculous or life-threatening, the therapist calmly said, “Oh, so you’re choosing to drive every weekend and NOT to do my suggested plan? Ok”. After 15 minutes I got it.
It was a choice. And believe it or not, once I embraced that I had other options, but was CHOOSING my path, my anger and exhaustion dissipated. I would still head to work on Monday tired. But not angry.
So in your case- admittedly, a much happier situation than mine, you can just reframe what is going on. You could have told your son that he needed to find a college closer to home if this activity was important to him. You could choose to get him a used car right now so he could do the drive himself. You could choose not to go one weekend, and have him figure out a ride share with someone else, or take the bus or a train or have him rent a zipcar. So many choices.
But for now you have chosen to pick him up and drop him off every weekend.
The one choice that is apparently not yours to make is how this other family should be behaving. You don’t get to choose for them, you get to choose for you.
So tell your son that on the weekend of X you won’t be available to make the drive. Maybe the roommates family will step into the void, or maybe your son will find a bus which only takes marginally longer than the drive and costs $30. But you will be a LOT less frustrated with this other kid and other family once you own the fact that your choices have made this situation.
I have used this technique a lot and have found it really helpful. Good luck!
I totally get your vent. I would not want to feel like I was stuck taking this extra kid in my car every weekend for that long drive. I think it is odd that it is just assumed he is welcome every time. His parents should be offering you gas money or offering to drive them back once in a while. I don’t think this is some kind of obligation for you or an investment in your son’s future social life that you just have to put up with or worry about. Not everyone is totally selfless and does for others all the time with no regret or feelings of being used. You are normal, OP! Your feelings about this situation are normal It doesn’t make you a bad person to not want this kid in your car every weekend. I don’t think it would or should ruin these boys’ friendship if you back off on the free uber service you have been providing 
.
I had a college room mate who kinda “used” me for rides. He was a high school friend, who I roomed with Sophomore and Senior year. He is still a good friend today 25 years later. I’ve always thought one reason I remain friends with almost every friend I’ve ever had is we forgive each other for not being perfect.
As @blossom indicates, this is really your choice to do this amount of driving, and you have acknowledged that you are making that choice. There have been suggestions here - bus, train, rideshare boards, zipcar, etc. Are any of these potential options to cut down your driving ? Has your son looked into any options that do not require your involvement ? It sounds like there could be other local kids at this college, as you said the other kid has cousins there. Maybe some other ways to get your son back and forth, at least occasionally, that could be explored?
Many have gone into details about the drive and why she should find alternatives. The original post was about the roommate taking advantage not really about the drive. I still say the roommates parents are rude. Not only do you drive him home but you drop him off at their home. It boggles my mind that they have never thought to offer you gas money or anything. It’s not that you need it, it’s just the right thing to do. I will give their son a break though he should offer clearly he doesn’t know any better because his parents haven’t taught him.