My only child is in 10th grade.
She has good GPA in school. Other than that, she does nothing. She goes violin lesson every week but that’s it. No orchestra or practice. She goes karate lesson every week but it’s for exercise otherwise she would get fat.
The only thing she enjoys is participating in Debate team. She has been doing this since last year.
She only likes PF in debate which she needs a partner but she always had a partner problem.
Her first partner excused herself for many things then she dropped it so that my child missed first few tournaments then had to work with other partners temporarily.
Before this school year starts, she found another partner and they promised each other to start from summer camp.
That child did not show up on the first day of the camp and my daughter couldn’t reach at her for the entire summer break.
My bad feeling was right. That partner finally told my child that she doesn’t want to do debate anymore after the first tournament ended.
My daughter was thinking another friend could be her final partner who is in Novice (first year in debate).
However, I don’t see her parents’ name in Judge sign up list (In order to keep your child in the team you should sign up for judging, debate team teacher warned the parents that if we don’t sign up he should drop the student).
I am having another bad feeling that her friend would not do the debate while my daughter hoping she would have a final partner.
I told her to switch other form of debate or speech which you can do alone. But she likes to do only PF with someone else not alone. I am frustrated and she is frustrated.
It is hard to find a partner because her school is so small not so many students are in the debate team.
It takes so much time to prepare, practice for the tournament. She works hard every day and weekend.
I feel that she’s wasting her time.
My question from the bottom, is this really helping her to go to a good college?
I am nervous, frustrated that I have no idea what to do as a sophomore parent.
I know my child is smart but I don’t know how to guide her to the right path.
She was born in US but I was raised, finished my BA degree in other country (my hubby the same with me but added Ph.D in US)
Maybe that’s why I am nervous because I don’t have knowledge of US colleges?
What should I do as a sophomore parent? What should my child do as a sophomore?
Anyway I’m embarrassed for my nickname.
Thank you for reading!
You might want to get to know more about the many options for college in the US. One place to start is the website and book entitled “Colleges that Change Lives.” The same author, Pope, wrote “Beyond the Ivy League” (I may have the title wrong), with a lot of information. US News, Princeton Review, many books at the library and bookstores and online on colleges.
It sounds like your daughter is doing well and is motivated. Just make sure she is doing things for the right reasons, to learn, develop an interest, make friends, expand her horizons- whatever- and not just to get into college.
I have said this before: try not to fit the kid to schools, try to find schools that fit the kid.
The debate problem is especially frustrating since she seems to love it and wants to do it. The solution does indeed seem to be to debate solo!
There are other ways to be involved in debate if you’re willing to go solo, although admittedly PF is a fun style. But colleges do look very favorably upon debate so if she could force herself to try LD or Congressional she would probably benefit in the long run.
@goodparentsophia ,
It is true that US colleges look beyond GPA or SAT scores. The more competitive the collges are, the more they want students who are beyond book smart.
If your daughter does not want to switch to a solo form of debate and speech, she may be too nervous to do it alone, which is quite common.
There are several things your daughter could do beside debate. Many schools have “clubs” that give HS students opportunities to volunteer including tutoring elementary school students after school. It usually a commitment of one hour a week throughout a school year. She may like the idea of helping younger kids.
Your daughter could also look for a volunteer position at a local hospital or nursing home. She could look for a part-time job. Having a job shows responsiblity, commitment and maturity. Having a job also counts as an extra curricular activity and a good one at that.
Debate is a good extracurricular but if she has trouble finding a partner maybe she’ll be willing to give other debate forms a try. Some of them may be easier than PF. She can also try some similar clubs if possible, like Model UN or Mock Trial.
As a high school student I would have been terrified of debate, so good for her. I’d encourage her to get past her fear - I didn’t learn to do it until I got pushed into being PTA president. I now have to regular presentations before zoning board meetings and I am so glad that the PTA taught me to get over my fear.
I assume there is a teacher that is in charge of the group. Could she talk to him/her ans ask for partner guidance ? If the teacher idoesn’t have any suggestions, would your DD be willing to talk to a fellow student who competes in other types of debate? Sometimes a peer’s influence has more weight than a parent’s.
My DS participated in Debate all four years of High School. The partner changing is something that happens. He ended up competing in every debate form LD, PF and CX due to partner issues. His true love was for International Extemporaneous speaking which you do solo. One of the things that he did was make himself available as a fill-in partner. He attended many tournaments as a last minute fill-in for a partner who was sick or had a conflict. He learned about each form of debate and also learned to work with many types of people this way. He also became a wonderful mentor to the underclassmen his Junior and Senior year. His Senior year he competed with Sophomores and even a few Freshman in the Sring season. He did this knowing that he wouldn’t probably win a lot, but that he was helping to train the next group of champion level debaters. I guarantee his letter of recommendation from his coach was stellar even though he was not the person who won the most he was the person who gave the most. Always willing to help others. I would encourage your DD to stay the course and try LD at one tournament. The worst that could happen is that she doesn’t win any round. But she may find that she likes LD. Colleges do love kids who debate because they have extensive writing experience from building cases and also develop critical thinking skills from having to argue both sides of the issue. Also having one activity that you stick to all four years looks great on your college application. Colleges love depth as it shows commitment -which they want in students.
My child does nothing, except for Karate, violin, debate, summer camp
So how can she start to ramp up things in these areas?
Can she join an orchestra? Be it, youth, school or a community orchestra?
Can she take part in violin competitions? Can she join the church band?
Debate: in this case, i would drop an email to the debate adviser to say that your daughter is interested in debate, but is having a hard time finding a partner.
Summer Camp: Next summer can she be a counselor in training and start having some leadership expereiences?
Check out “How to be a High School Superstar” by Cal Newport.
“The basic message of the book is this: Don’t wear yourself out taking as many classes as you can and being involved in every club and sport. Instead, leave yourself enough free time to explore your interests. Cultivate one interest and make it into something special that will make you stand out among the other applicants and get you into the toughest schools, even if your grades and scores aren’t stellar. Newport calls this the “relaxed superstar approach,” and he shows you how to really do this, breaking the process down into three principles, explained and illustrated with real life examples of students who got into top schools: (1) underscheduling—making sure you have copious amounts of free time to pursue interesting things, (2) focusing on one or two pursuits instead of trying to be a “jack of all trades,” and (3) innovation—developing an interesting and important activity or project in your area of interest. This fruit yielded by this strategy, an interesting life and real, meaningful achievements, is sure to help not only with college admissions, but getting a job, starting a business, or whatever your goals.”
Kids have a huge amount of pressure put on them from an early age. I get the sense that they feel like they are going through one gate after another and life is over if they fail to get through each and every gate. One fail and life is over. No wonder so many are on anti-anxiety drugs and ADHD drugs! Suicide rates for teens have also risen dramatically. It is now the second leading cause of death for people ages 15 - 24. I see it in our own school district. This past year it was a junior high kid.
Not necessary. Let the kids be kids! Let them enjoy high school!
Getting into a good college is becoming more and more about financial resources and willingness to take on debt than it is about being academically competitive. It also matters less because of the Internet. For example, you can learn from Harvard professors on edx.org. Sure, you need a degree, but you aren’t forever branded as inferior if you go to a second or third rate school or even to a community college.
Just remember that America is the land of second chances. There also is no one right path. Your child can fall flat on her face and get up. She can detour all over the place before finding a college or job that is the right fit. Best to avoid multiple shots at spouse, however!
This is something different about America. For example, one daughter is in year 6 of German and has told me that students take a test in elementary school that determines if they will go to trade school or college. Not here. Door are always open!
Good luck. And the prior poster’s recommendation of Cal Newport is one I would second. I’ve read several of his books.
Beside all the good advice above, try running the Net price calculator on your state’s flagship, on a good private university in your region, and on a good LAC in your region.
Prepare for a heart attack - no parent is ever ready for the cost of college but if you attended a country where college is free, the amount you’re deferred to pay is likely to make you elk off your chair.
Start setting money aside for her if you haven’t already - there are 3,700 colleges in the US and only about 80 meet need, so probabilities are high that she’ll attend a college that doesn’t meet need. Anything you’ve saved will come in handy.
After running all these NPCs talk with your spouse: which colleges are affordable without your taking on loans?
Do read Colleges that change lives - a pretty good book.
If the goal is Ivy Leagues or any other top 20 schools, then just doing karate, violin, and debate is not enough. She needs to excel in what she does, meaning winning karate national championships, violin national/international competitions, and debate national titles. Winning in any of them takes tremendous amount of time and effort.
If the goal is your state flagship university, she does not need to do any of those if she does not love doing them. She can get in with just the top grades and test scores.
Don’t fret about it @goodparentsophia, There are no right or wrong ECs for college application, just let your kid do what she loves.
Employers in the United States are generally not concerned with college name. Most hire locally and regionally because it’s more cost-effective. Let’s say that she gets into one of those elite schools like Harvard. The hyper-competitive environment might not be a good fit for her. Colleges in the United States come in all shapes and sizes, and so do employers. The idea is to find the best fit you can afford
Does her school have a Speech team? That might be a good alternative. There are a lot of categories, likely something related to current events or great speeches or something like that might appeal to her.
The FASFA determines what it considers to be your need for college. When we submitted the FASFA and found out how much the government figured we could pay, I turned to my daughter and said, "We’re rich! " It was ridiculous. Don’t people’s cars ever break down? Don’t people need medical care? Do younger siblings need music lessons?
@katrina1 Yeah when I did the FAFSA recently the parent contribution was close to 40% of my take home pay. I don’t even know if I sold my house and moved into an apartment I could make it work. And if I sold my house the equity that I got would drive up my contribution.
I really am thankful that I have a high stats kid that will bring down the costs some. Of course not enough but some.
