I’m looking for advice on how to go about forming friendships since that has yet to happen and I’m entering my 2nd semester sophomore year. I will admit that I could have tried harder my freshman year but I am painfully shy so making friends doesn’t exactly come easy to me. I’m also from New England and go to an SEC school down south so it’s been a bit intimidating not knowing anyone else, but I do love my school even though I’m lonely. The past two years I’ve been in the tennis club, but people aren’t exactly looking to hangout outside of club meetings so I’ve only formed acquaintances from the club and not true friendships. Another issue I’ve noticed is that people at my school aren’t really interested in getting to know their neighbors (i.e. no one leaves their doors open, no one says hi to one another in the halls, and the RA’s don’t hold any events which doesn’t help either) so I haven’t been able to form friendships from my dorms as well. In high school I was used to other people initiating friendships and I’ve known most of my good friends from back home since elementary/middle school so I haven’t actually had to make friends in a long time sadly. People at my college seem to have solidified friendships already and aren’t looking to add people so I feel like a complete loner who’s never going to make friends Any advice would be appreciated since I don’t want to go through the rest of college without any friends! Thank you!
What are the size of your classes like? If you have any that are smaller, more seminar-like classes, those can be great for forming friendships without having to really try. By that I mean, I’ve had a lot of good luck with just being an outspoken student in classes like that, and then the friendships follow from people THINKING that you’re an outgoing person, even if (socially) you’re not.
Sports clubs are pretty hit or miss if you are looking to meet people IMO because the focus isn’t really on socializing, it’s on the sport itself.
You may want to look at clubs that involve more socializing… for example a model rocketry club, gaming club, hiking club, etc. These are the types of clubs where socializing is integrated into the club activity, and that will give you a better chance at making friends with people.
my classes are mostly around 100 people, so not that small but I’ve had some small classes so far but people just don’t seem to be interested in being friends. and i agree with the hit or miss aspect of sports clubs, but i’m having trouble finding other organizations/clubs that interest me.
This might come off harsh, so sorry if it does, but what do you look like during the day? Not in the way of like your looks or makeup or whatever, but your expression? I have major resting bitch face, which is good when I don’t want to be bothered, but when I want to make friends, I have to make a conscious effort to smile and seem amiable. People could think you’re not looking for friends, which is why they’re not being very open to you.
Don’t go all Joker, crazy-smile on them, but maybe try and make a conscious effort to just look more approachable, that might help.
I go to a small private uni and my classes are between 10-25 people. And I still have trouble making friends. I do have a form social anxiety though. Which is part of my problem.
Are you making yourself seem approachable? I know sometimes I will space out and look cranky when I’m actually just off thinking about random things in my own world. lol.
yeah i think i tend to have a resting b**** face as well, but I’m pretty aware of it and try to put on a more happy face when around people. i just wish things would turn around socially for me…1.5 years of going through this hell is enough for me and i don’t think i can go through this for the rest of college
Honestly, in address to the fact that you don’t want 2.5 more years of this, are you keeping in touch with any friends back home? My best friend went to a different University than me, but we put in the effort to text a lot, and it really helps. Obviously I can’t see her in person, but we’re up to date on each other’s lives, and it still almost feels like we’re together.
Yeah I have some really great friends back home that I keep in touch with and that helps a lot, but obviously I still feel lonely since we don’t go to the same schools. I’ve known some of my friends back home since kindergarten, so I’m also worried that if I do find friends here at school they won’t be anywhere near as good as my hometown friends. Well classes just started today so I am trying to stay positive…
Do you have any interest in politics? College Republicans or Democrats etc. can be a good place because people are working together, especially if a campaign is going on. Also, service organizations like Habitat for Humanity. Any place that you are engaged with people in doing something that is working toward a goal, will bring you closer to people.
No not really and I keep looking for possible organizations/clubs to join but I’m not finding any unfortunately. I’m just so depressed and alone right now and I don’t think I’m ever going to make friends at my school. And I also feel really guilty about my parents paying for my plane tickets and other expenses when I’m not even truly happy here. I feel like I should have just saved them a ton of money at went to a local college.
If you’re genuinely unhappy, maybe consider transferring. To be honest, once I did, I found a million reasons to stay, life was kind of funny like that. You know you better than anyone else, if you’re shy/not a people person, don’t force yourself to join stuff. I’m much happier with a job and one club than I was trying to join 20 million clubs. It’s more solitary, but that’s who I am. Another thing is, you can’t compare friends at your college to home friends. If I held all my new friends to the standard of my best friend, they’d all fall miles short. But they all have their cool quirks that I’ve come to love, and I still tell my BFF everything. You have to balance home friends and college friends.
The service clubs, particularly ones which involve physical exertion such as Habitat for Humanity are good suggestions. I also second the recommendation of outdoors clubs which involve hiking as a core activity. Perhaps you could google “Name of University clubs” and contact any officers of clubs you find interesting.
Greek life is another possibility. Personally, I transferred to a large southern state school where I knew exactly one person. I joined a non traditional sorority as a way to meet people, and even though it took some time, some of the members became extremely close friends. It also provided a built in social calendar, and opportunities to get involved with other clubs and the community.
When you meet someone who you might be interested in hanging out with, do you get their number? I assume you’re a sophomore with a meal plan, since you live in the dorms, so maybe invite any upperclassmen to the dining hall by promising swipes, and see if you guys develop any further friendship after a one on one talk.
Any religious affiliation? Most churches have college groups. Mine did and we had lunches every Sunday and parties regularly. Very social. Many of those friends I made are still really good friends today.
I feel for you. I was painfully shy too at that age. The thing that helped me the most was to learn to look people in the eye. Can you do that? Try to make eye contact with someone every few hours, following with a slight smile. It will get easier. Over time you will learn to hold it. Conversations are easier started with someone who has looked you in the eye (and vice versa). Remember, other people are shy too, it isn’t just you! My second suggestion is a campus job someplace social, like the library, or a food stand, or a theater, where people come up to you. You will make friends with the other people who work there, and you can practice being friendly in a non-intimidating scale on the people who come up for a minute then leave. It will also give you something to do on Friday and Saturday night, and you will find the people who also are having trouble meeting people because they will also be at the library on a Friday night.
Any advice would be appreciated since I don’t want to go through the rest of college without any friends! Thank you!
I do have a form social anxiety though. Which is part of my problem.