Special needs student help

Parents Forum
21

I think the OP’s question is more complicated regarding EC’s. I disagree with other posters that colleges don’t care about them. I think some colleges don’t care, and some colleges really really care. For instance, the more elite colleges expect applicants to meet a benchmark for grades and stats but then it really is all about EC’s or talents and how the applicant can contribute to an interesting mix for the class as a whole.

So, it depends on what colleges you are applying to. I think, in general, the larger places, including state universities, are by necessity more driven by grades and scores.

One of mine didn’t do high school at all in senior year, and was a middling student, but had a talent she pursued as an EC and then in place of school entirely. She got a GED. College admissions told me they loved “outliers” like her.

I know a young man who struggled emotionally in senior year, who took a year off, did a wilderness program for a few months, and got in to some great schools as a result.

Anything that makes a kid interesting- collecting butterflies!- helps with admissions, but one hopes it is also a sign of a happy life while pursuing interests.

Do I think this applies to the OP’s child? No! It sounds like this is a hard-working kid who has overcome some challenges- another thing colleges love- and done well. And there are many colleges that will completely respect that. And there are many colleges that DON’T use EC’s as an important criterion.

I think that this young person can apply to various schools (Colleges that Change Lives?) and do well with admissions.

I also think there are many reasons to consider a gap year if that is what the parent and child want. Are there ways to make that year a help in preparing for a transition, or would it be a step backward? What ideas does the parent have for that year? (google NOLS for wilderness program ideas). Are there programs for the purpose of transition and preparation? (Landmark College has one I believe.)

How does the OP feel about a school program that focuses on kids on the spectrum? Do you prefer that he stay in the mainstream? What supports are needed? Would you want him close, or move near him?

I agree with everyone that he will do fine with admissions and could head to college next year. But when you say he can go by himself, it raises questions, and the idea of a gap year has merit for reasons having nothing to do with EC’s.

We have no idea where he lands on the spectrum so to speak, but clearly he is very capable academically, and has a caring parent who will make the right decisions with him!!

ps there are other options: I know a kid with a similar challenge, who used community college for transition; he met weekly with someone who supported and advised him and did very well. He then transferred. I forget if he did community college for a year or two, but he got a lot of gen eds done that way and learned to be more independent of parents. Another option, which one of my kids w/ADHD does, is to take only a couple of classes and do an EC or work. Best of both worlds, for a time, until the path is clear.

22

OP, what does your son want? I ask this because of my own experience with my very bright son who is also on the spectrum. I needed to rearrange my thinking as he approached high school graduation. You may not need these same lessons, but here’s what I’ve learned.

Like most/all parents of children with special needs, I was very used to planning/arranging things for him. Smoothing his path so that he could achieve as much as possible. Therapies, supports, etc. I hovered a lot and frankly, he needed it.

I became super involved in the college application process, worrying, like you, over anticipated details of the application process. I explored college programs ad nauseum, trying to figure out the one that would best meet his needs. You might not be doing this, but I became a nervous wreck.

What I DIDN’T do was let him take control of the process. I mean, I thought in my mind I was. But I wasn’t. I poked, nagged, and dragged him on college tours. And he felt like he was on a conveyor belt with no way off.

What happened in his case was, he went into a very selective program at a large university, and dropped out after a few weeks. He basically shut down. It wasn’t the fit of the program - it would have happened no matter where he went. He came home, took a year off, then HE made the decision about college (in this case, deciding to go to a community college then transfer). When he went back to school, I was completely hands off. Completely. Which is what he needed. He’s currently working a summer job and getting ready to transfer to a great four year university.

So here’s what I would have done differently:

  1. I would have stayed off this site, which sounds odd because I love this site and the people here, but it's too easy (for me) to get caught up in unnecessary pressure. Like worrying about ECs. Your son's ECs are fine.
  2. I would have asked my son what he wants to do, and let him research schools (without nagging) and handle his own applications, without nagging. If he didn't do it, my assumption would be that he would either work or go to the community college. I wouldn't say it as a threat. See #3
  3. I would understand that working and/or going to community college are great options, if that's what my son chose, either actively or passively.
  4. I would have better understood that his successes and/or failures are not my successes and/or failures. I would have given him more breathing room and more time to grow up. Our offspring on the spectrum DO need more time to grow up. Emotional competence is just plain slower to acquire. They will get there but we can't expect them to move at the same pace as neurotypical kids.

Good luck to your son, and congratulations on helping him get to this point in his development.

23

I think the posters on CC often care way more about ECs than many many colleges do. When we saw student’s guidance counselor as junior and I said my concern was they had no ECs or involvement in school, she said there was nothing to worry about, they weren’t that big a deal, we were stunned, but she was right. Student had amazing stats and was interesting because their passions showed through in things other than formal ECs. Admitted to 14 schools of 15, including 2 Ivies, with no hook, financial need or special categorization. It’s the person, not a list of often inflated ECs that matter, truly. Do not let that drive you from making certain choices (or not making them).

And agree with @calla1 - for all the good on this site, there is just as much hype and bunk that can make you crazy and distort reality. You can learn things here, but there is plenty of advice that is not good or just wrong at all and can steer you in terrible directions. Generally, poster’s intentions on here are good, but often info is inaccurate, or they had a kid graduate 10 years ago but still post like it was yesterday. Things and trends change, most people with just one in college have a very limited view of the college app experience - better to seek info from those that go through it much more than that. You have a great kid there, apply away.

24

To avoid misunderstandings here, I think three messages are important (because others will read this thread who have different issues).

  1. Applicants can often do fine at great schools and great fits, with few EC’s, hard work in school, being a good person and so on. If their interests shine through, great, but discipline and academic accomplishment are definitely honored.

  2. Applicants who go to mediocre schools or have some challenges with academics can still do well in admission with excellent or interesting EC’s despite less then stellar grades and scores, and can always do test-optional applications.In some of these cases, EC’s are essential to their applications (volunteering, musicians, dancers, science kids etc.)

  3. For very selective schools and sometimes for merit aid, you need to meet a benchmark for grades and scores and then usually need something else that is interesting, most often an EC or well-developed talent.

I don’t think a blanket statement about any of this is useful to future readers, such as “Colleges don’t care about EC’s.” I understand that this is meant to reassure the OP but it will mislead future readers.

To be specific to this thread, it would seem that the lack of extensive EC’s (and he has band and an EC at school) should not have any significant impact on his admissions. The GC will explain and the colleges will understand this is a kid who has overcome some obstacles and has great character, work habits and ability.

25

I agree @compmom’s summary – in HS, our S had band and was an Eagle Scout. He started a few clubs in his SR year, but otherwise didn’t have much in the way of ECs due to his chronic health issues. He was also a NMF, in spite of the limited ECs.

26

There are colleges out there that have support programs for students with ASD. It also depends on what kind of supports you forcast your son or daughter needing in college. Know that some accommodations that may be in an IEP may not be doable in a college setting. But EC’s will not be the end all and be all in admissions into college.

27

Great summary @compmom!

At UCLA, my DD is registered with the Center for Accessible Education (formerly the Office for Students with Disabilities). The only service she has received from them so far is access to priority registration, which is extremely helpful at such a large school. It’s meant that she can get the classes she needs at preferred times (i.e. not early in the morning, which doesn’t work for her because of sleep issues). So far she hasn’t needed any other help from them. She has only disclosed her autism to one TA and one professor, as far as I know, and they were both willing to accommodate her as needed. Both of those were in classes which required class participation and writing papers, two things she sometimes has problems with. I don’t think she ran into any issues in her science and math classes (she’s a math major).