<p>Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.</p>
<p>Dear Roommate,</p>
<p>Im looking forward to living with you for the next few years. I hope to find a long-lasting friend in you; a memory of the good ol days. But first there are some things you should know about me. </p>
<p>You will definitely notice many pictures on the walls and in frames. I love taking pictures especially of my family and friends. Photography is my way to scrapbook every amazing moment I have and I hope we will have many of those. Living with me, you will quickly find that I love to read. Depend on always seeing a book or two on my bedside table, especially considering how I havent had much time for leisure reading for the past couple years.</p>
<p>One major trait of mine is that I love to go out; I cannot stand sitting around doing nothing. Im usually the one who bugs my mom about going somewhere whereas my other two sisters are content at home in front of the TV. I guess this is particularly results from my desire to try new things. Im pretty sure Ill drag you into some of my crazy shenanigans, but thats where well have the most fun. Youll always find me making plans to do something crazy; one day Ill be listening to and interesting lecture and another Ill be taking you out to try new, exotic food. You can always count on me to help you cross off things on your bucket list. Youll soon find that I genuinely love to learn. Ill probably be explaining some new philosophy or political concept to you daily and Im sure youll hear me practicing new languages all the time.
Well, you have been warned. In between chinese take-out (my favorite) and late night study sessions, Im hoping we both can take away something positive from the experience.</p>
<p>Here’s my revision:
is it any better? i tweaked it a bit and added some stuff
Dear Roomie,
I’m looking forward to living with you for the next few years. I hope to find a long-lasting friend in you; a memory of the “good 'ol days.”
You will definitely notice many pictures and posters on my wall. I love taking pictures especially of my family and friends. Since most of my family is half-way across the world, photographs keep me that much closer to them. Photography is my way to scrapbook every amazing moment I have and I hope we will have many of those.
Living with me, you will quickly find that I love to read. Depend on always seeing a book or two on my bedside table, especially considering how I haven’t had much time for leisure reading for the past couple years. When I find a good book, I immerse myself into it completely and maybe even several times. You’ll see Pride and Prejudice or The Cather in the Rye in my hands often; for me, books never get old.
One major trait of mine is that I love to go out; I cannot stand sitting around doing nothing. I’m usually the one who bugs my mom about going somewhere whereas my other two sisters are content at home in front of the TV. I guess this particularly results from my desire to try new things. I’m pretty sure I’ll drag you into some of my crazy shenanigans, but thats where we’ll have the most fun. You’ll always find me making plans to do something different; one day I’ll attending a lecture on logic and another I’ll be taking you out to try exotic Turkish food. You’ll soon find that I genuinely love to learn. I’ll probably be relating Plato’s philosophy to you and I’m sure you’ll be hearing me practice French or Spanish.
I consider myself energetic and adventurous, I am a very great listener and I tend to give good advice. I’ve had several leadership positions so I’m very good with crowds and people.
Well, you have been warned. In between chinese take-out (my favorite) and late night study sessions, I’m hoping we both can take away something positive from the experience.
Love,
Muzna</p>
<p>“Dear …” - It is not bad to include it, but other people included it as well. Think of other ways to keep yourself different. Act as if you were trying to sell yourself on like an infomercial. Like, “Do you like to have fun?” “Tired of eating fast food everyday?” “Well, my name is Muzna, I usually party every weekend and cook for my family once a week.” Or something like that. :P</p>
<p>Overall it is a good essay, gives everything about you.</p>
<p>I think the second draft is quite good. I liked it a fair amount better than the initial draft you posted, which is saying something because I liked that one a lot. However, I liked one paragraph better in your first draft. I think the details you added in about Turkish food and practicing Spanish/French are kind of extraneous and slightly cutesy. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I liked the simplicity of that paragraph in the first draft. Other than that, I’d say go with your second draft. I liked the overall feel of that better and the addition of the second to last paragraph.</p>
<p>Hopefully this helps. If you’re got any time, would you mind looking over my Common Application essay?</p>
<p>For one thing, you probably won’t have the same roommate for multiple years, unless you want to.</p>
<p>I think that this essay prompt is a little trivial, and it is difficult to write an essay that will knock the admin officers’ socks off. Therefore I wouldn’t stress out about it too much.</p>
