Stanford Roommate Essay

College Essays
1

<p>Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate — and us — know you better. (100 to 250 words)</p>

<p>I don’t make concrete [non-tentative] plans often, but if we decide to meet somewhere on campus for lunch or to go out for dinner, don’t bail on me. If you commit to doing something with me, go through with it. If it ends up being horrible we’ll do something else. </p>

<p>Hot water gets me thinking. You’ll quickly get used to me stepping out of the shower or a hot tub wondering why humans (and not manatees) have the power of rational thought and creativity. </p>

<p>If you don’t like TV or movies, you’re in trouble; I can and will relate nearly any situation to Family Guy, Archer, Zoolander, Anchorman, or South Park. </p>

<p>Furthermore, prepare to be shown many irreverent clips from dozens of different shows and films [is there a single word to describe shows and films?].</p>

<p>I love to sing. Everyone else hates it, because I’m horrible at singing.</p>

<p>I know all of the lyrics to any song after 2-3 listens, and I will Google a song’s lyrics just to prove myself right (and you wrong, if it comes to that).</p>

<p>If I’m wrong, I’ll accept defeat. It would be prudent for you to do the same.</p>

<p>I will stay in my towel for anywhere from ten minutes to an hour after I shower. </p>

<p>When I text you, I expect a response promptly. I have no patience for someone who takes three days to get back to me with just a “k,” and I will call you out on it.</p>

<p>If I’m peeling a banana and accidentally make a hat by peeling a circle around the top of it, I will show you.</p>

<p>Anything in [brackets] is a note to people reading my essay (not the admissions officers). These will not be sent in with my essay. If you can think of a better word than concrete and a better phrase than "shows and films", please let me know.</p>

<p>Also, do you understand what I mean when I say make a banana hat? <a href="http://m1.behance.net/rendition/modules/36162399/disp/3867e236137e159a396bc1d8855f875c.jpg"&gt;http://m1.behance.net/rendition/modules/36162399/disp/3867e236137e159a396bc1d8855f875c.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Is the banana part even useful or does it make the essay seem weird?</p>

<p>Should I end it with something like "your future roommate, [name]" or just leave it as it is?</p>

<p>Thank you.</p>

2

<p>Generally, I tell posters that it is not a good idea to post their essays because they risk someone submitting it as their own. However, I am fairly confident that nobody will steal this essay. I always try to find something positive to say in a critique, so: Kudos on giving an example of what not to write for the Stanford roommate essay. If this is supposed to be serious, I’d suggest starting over.</p>

3

<p>Agreed. Please start over. Write with humility. </p>

4

<p>I feel that your list format is not particularly good. Perhaps cut down on the amount of things you talk about and focus on 2 or 3 key things and elaborate on that. Your essay also characterizes you as an overbearing roommate who has to have all of the control between the two of you. That however is my opinion. Show it to friends and family for more help.</p>

5

<p>Please have some shame and start over. I would be scared to live with you after reading that. You sound like an angry, controlling, bitter person. I’ll pretend to take this nonsense seriously –
You start off saying that you do not make plans often. To portray that in a positive manner – you are go with the flow, like to see where the day takes you, rather than make structured plans
You then sound very threatening and say that your roommate must not bail on you. To phrase that positively – you are a dedicated, loyal, committed person and always go through with plans and hope your roommate will too
“Hot water gets me thinking” that sounds so creepy. You mentioned showering twice in your essay. Don’t. To phrase that positively – you are a philosophical person and like to have deep convos. You can still include your manatee joke.
Remove the “to prove myself right and you’re wrong” after you talk about song lyrics. You sound childish and stubborn.
Remove all of this – If I’m wrong, I’ll accept defeat. It would be prudent for you to do the same.</p>

<p>I will stay in my towel for anywhere from ten minutes to an hour after I shower.</p>

<p>When I text you, I expect a response promptly. I have no patience for someone who takes three days to get back to me with just a “k,” and I will call you out on it.</p>

<p>Don’t even try to rephrase that. You sound annoying and childish for already putting all these rules on your roommate. You sound childish for being so hurt by text messages. Some people just don’t care about texting and will not text you back. The whole thing sounds like a threat and makes you seem incredibly overbearing. </p>

6

<p>Why don’t you focus on the part about how taking a shower gets you thinking, and elaborate on that. You can include the towel part with that also. If you focus on the ideas you come up with while showering, and the insightful and philosophical conversations you may have with your roommate when you get out of the shower, then you will come across as an interesting, intellectual and potentially inspiring person to spend time with. In that context, you might say that you would be able to relate some of your new ideas to TV shows, movie clips, or songs. That way you can tie a lot of these thoughts together into an essay format rather than a disjointed list. Leave out anything where you indicate that you might be impatient or intolerant with a jerk roommate or with a roommate who just doesn’t share your interests. Assume while writing this that you will have an awesome roommate who is perfect for you, and think of how you would interact with that person, and it may help you write something more positive, rather than envisioning and writing about the jerk with different tastes that you won’t tolerate. Also stay away from any description of yourself as someone with hobbies that another person would “hate” or “be in trouble” for not sharing – you shouldn’t need to warn anyone about the hazards of living with you (unless your intent is to be comical and hilarious and spoof yourself, and right now you haven’t come close to that).</p>

7

<p>LOL this made me laugh.</p>

8

<p>@mommyrocks‌ thank you for your advice. After reading the comments and looking at my writing again, I realized that I do indeed come off as overbearing and somewhat vindictive like @surfer2attorney said. I rewrote the essay by starting with a few weird things that I do that weren’t included in the first one (like crossing my big toe over my second toe, rubbing my index & middle fingers together, etc.) and then expanded more on the philosophical aspect. </p>

<p>Do you think that ending my essay by saying something along the lines of “these conversations will invariably end with me complaining that I hate philosophy because there’s never an answer” would make me seem one-sided to the guys reading my essay? I’m saying that to show how I am more analytically-minded, as in I prefer the sciences, where there is an answer to everything (I’m applying for CS); is that a bad thing to show the admissions officers at Stanford? I’m still capable of deep thought (considering the fact that I always come back to the philosophical questions, and my intellectual development essay also elaborates on that), but would the guy reading my essay say “We won’t take this guy because he only thinks analytically?”</p>

9

<p>You don’t come off as friendly in this essay. More like arrogant, boring, and/or weird. Honestly, I would not want you to be part of my college experience the way you describe yourself here</p>

10

<p>Regarding your question about ending your essay with “these conversations will invariably end with me complaining that I hate philosophy because there’s never an answer” – I think a more balanced phrasing might be safer, in case the person reading your essay was a philosophy major. For example, you could say “…end with me feeling frustrated by philosophy because there’s never an easy answer, and yet I keep coming back to philosophical questions.” Just an fyi, computer science does not have right or wrong answers either, as there can be as many ways to program something as there are roads to Rome, and philosophy is as analytical as any science. </p>

11

<p>@mommyrocks‌ my own mother actually suggested the same thing, so I was planning on making that change. I know that computer science isn’t straightforward but I was using it as an example because a majority of my application shows my analytical leanings (800 math SAT, heavily math curriculum this year, etc). I’m not completely STEM so there are other aspects to my application. Also, CS does always have some answer, some path of getting to the right answer. My experiences with philosophy have never been in an official learning setting so these philosophical questions have always seemed answerless to me.</p>

12

<p>I’m very analytical also – perfect score on analytical section of LSAT, so I went to law school. It’s a great skill, with many applications. :)</p>