Start Over Again ?

Parent Cafe
41

<p>Unbelievable. I guess it IS worth while, this website, and the answers that you get from people. </p>

<p>Without yielding too many details (i would hate for School-1 to read this post, and know who i am), we took your advice, and called School-1. The information that they told us today was such that our son will be going back to School-1 this next year. (Please, someone pick me up off the floor). </p>

<p>We had been given incorrect information on two prior calls. This time, i asked for someone one step higher up (actually two steps higher up). When I posed our dilemna to the appropriate person, he told us the good news. In a nutshell, it provides us with substantial additional time for our son to bring up his GPA.</p>

<p>We have had several sleepless nights. We have all shed many tears. Our son has expressed much regret. There have been many confessions of how his year went - as compared to how it should have gone.</p>

<p>I am drained, and i am soaked in my own sweat. Sorry to be too descriptive, but this roller coaster ride has been more than i can handle. </p>

<p>I may post more later, but for now, i need to just take a break, and absorb the good news. </p>

<p>Thanks again, for the many supportive posts and suggestions.</p>

<p>ps. for what it is worth, after our many discussions, our son is pursuing a fulltime job this summer, and had already opened his textbook for next year. (Some classes, you use the same book for semester 1 and semester 2).</p>

42

<p>I'm so glad it's worked out the way you wanted it to. Your son is a very lucky kid, both because the college was more flexible than you thought and because he has you in his corner! Let's hope he realizes it.</p>

43

<p>
[quote]
The most important thing to me, is to love him, and support him, whatever he ends up doing, whatever path he takes. My father, who was a VP of a large corporation, never accepted my path (after he divorced my mom), even when i was promoted up the ranks in management (since it was never as high as he went). And i never received my MBA from Stanford like he did. Anyway, I have always pledged and promised myself to support my kids - no matter what they do.

[/quote]
I was glad to read in post #41 that school #1 has given the OP's son an accomodation and he'll be able to attend next year.</p>

<p>But excuse me if I don't put on the party hat and join in the celebration. From the OP's story quoted above it is clear that his father treated him poorly. And yet I have to raise my hand here and question the moral he drew from it. Support no matter what they do? IMHO that's what got the kid into trouble in the first place. He just never conceived anything could happen that dad couldn't/wouldn't fix. I wonder how many times dad interceded to smooth things over when S was younger, and just what standards he was ever held to with real consequences.</p>

<p>It's one thing to love one's kid unconditionally. But most people can see a distinction between loving one's child and supporting their every action. The OP was willing to ignore ethics (albeit allowing that someday they may be a consideration in the issue) in order to find out if it was possible to misrepresent oneself to college as a freshman applicant. Had it been possible to get away with it, I suspect the ethical hurdle wouldn't have proven too difficult to surmount; everyone does it, right?</p>

44

<p>clapton-fan,
That's such good news! Go pour yourself a glass of wine or take a bubble bath or a long walk... you can afford to relax for a few days. I bet your son learned a huge lesson and that he will take it to heart and put his best foot forward for next year. Congrats on surviving this ordeal!</p>

45

<p>So glad to hear the news, clapton-fan. </p>

<p>I have to respectfully disagree with badgolfer. Sure, he could be right. But I didn't see anything in your eloquent post that smacked of cleaning up your kid's messes or shielding him from consequences. I saw love and a statement that you will have your kid's back when he needs you the most. </p>

<p>Enjoy the reprieve from the hellish situation your family faced. I'll bet your son has learned a lot and it looks to me like your support of him is nicely balanced with clear expectations that he alter his priorities when he returns to campus.</p>

<p>Keep us posted. This forum really is a great place. Sometimes for information and ideas. Sometimes for contrarian perspectives and wake-up calls. Oftentimes for support in the difficulties we parents face. Stick around and I'll bet you can offer invaluable guidance to some parent who faces a future situation like yours.</p>

46

<p>I, too, disagree with badgolfer. I think it's just fine to give your children second chances and in this case, yahoo, the school agrees. Three strikes you're out, but a second chance....I'm happy for the OP. I thought his posts were thoughful and I, too, hope he pops in now and again.</p>

47

<p>Wow! And Congratulations. It is gratifying to hear that taking the "high road" paid off. Hopefully you S has learned (and it sounds like he already has) a valuable life lesson. Someday, you will all look back on this and ............probably not laugh, but at least feel better.</p>

48

<p>ClaptonFan - I am glad this turned out so well and wish your son luck (and lots of long hours of studying ;) ) for next year. Stressful as this whole ordeal has been for you and for him, it has hopefully given him a little kick in the pants at just the right time to turn it all around.</p>

49

<p>Everybody deserves a second chance, and I'm glad you son got his, Clapton-fan! He has always been an exemplary student up to this point, so he's obviously not lazy, nor undisciplined. I'm sure he's learned well from this misstep and will triumph, stronger and wiser. Here's a cyber (huuuggg!). You deserve this good turn of events, too!</p>

50

<p>Glad it's working out well! One bit of advice-- have him choose his classes and professors really carefully next year so his gpa can recover. What's the website that rates professors? Have him look there and talk to friends so he finds classes that play to his strengths. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

51

<p>Thank you all for our support. I will try to remain active on this website. It is amazing the wealth of good information. I have to wonder if there are any other websites, that are so active with users, and where the posts are so relevant and helpful. </p>

<p>It really choked us up to see my son cry tears of joy when he heard the good news. He does not cry much (at all). He is not one to show much emotion (a very cool cookie). These past few days have shown us emotions and a side of him that we either never have seen, or have not seen since he was a toddler. I don't know that i can say that it has been enjoyable, but it definitely has been very meaningful. </p>

<p>I will add some insight, for what it is worth. He has always been a high achiever, lots of awards, high grades, high test scores, etc. And he is also very smart (good retention, good recall, quick to understand concepts, etc.). You may think that is wonderful (and in some ways it is). However, it is a blessing and a curse. With his intelligence and ability, he did not have to study much, all the way through high school. He could read something once, or hear a lecture, and ace his exams (in high school). Calculus, Physics, and other subjects came easily to him. Well.... then came a very competitive college (not that his high school wasn't competitive, because it was). Anway, the process/techniques that have always worked for him (up through high school) were not quite sufficient in his college Physics, Calculus, and some other classes. (Being in a very social school took its toll as well). Through recent discussions with us, and with candor (that i have not heard from him ever), we learned of the disconnect between what had worked through high school, and what didn't work at college. We are hopeful that he has seen the light. Time will tell, but again, we are hopeful and optimistic. </p>

<p>As for 'golfing', I am a golfer also. I have golfed long enough to know that a certain percentage of golfers that do not play well have never learned to control their emotions, and often their temper gets the better of them. One bad hole can ruin an entire 18 hole round. To have a good round, and to be a good golfer requires patience, and requires looking at the entire round, not just one hole. Enough said. :-). Thanks again to the others who lended their support.</p>

52

<p>clapton-fan, is your son open to seeking help at the school's academic resource/tutoring office? They can often teach those like your son how to study, and what techniques might work for them in college. It's not unusual that a high achiever in HS would be slow to seek out help, but most colleges have the help available.</p>

53

<p>I'm glad it seems to be working out for your son. I have a family member (cousin) who had a very rough year and almost lost his scholarship his first year -- similar reasons as your son -- he managed to bring up his GPA the following years and when he graduated, he got a very good, high paying job straight out of college -- I think around $60K. He is now in his late 20's; he has done very well and recently got married -- so life does work out.</p>

<p>My own son had some issues with his first 2 years of college -- took 3 years off to work -- and now is at another college where he transferred, has been getting top grades and recently was selected for a very prestigious internship -- so you are right -- you can't know how the game is going to turn out after the first hole. </p>

<p>It is very typical that there is a period of adjustment to college -- so I think you are right to give your son understanding and emotional support. I'm sure that this experience has been enough of a wake up call that you will see major changes next year.</p>