Tomorrow I will start my sophomore year of college at a large, out-of-state university. Last year, I was excited to start my freshman year here, as it was the start of a new, exciting part of my life. Sadly, my freshman year wasn’t close to what I thought it would be. In the last year here, I basically failed to make a single friend. All I did outside of class was study, do class assignments, and lay in my dorm room. I remember multiple days where the only people I talked to the whole day were when I said Thank You to the dining hall workers. Academically I was successful, but socially I was a complete failure. I hoped that the social struggles I had in high school wouldn’t follow to college, but they did.
The truth is, I have no idea how to get to know other people :(, and I want to desperately change that this year as I doubt I could go another year without much social interaction like I did freshman year. I honestly need some advice on how to meet other people and form friendships. How did you meet many of your friends during your first few years at college?
…Are you me in another life?? Because that sounds exactly like my freshman year, and exactly how I’m feeling about going back next week. 
Will definitely be reading any responses you get.
How about joining a club where you may make friends with at least one common interest?
@bodangles, I’m glad I’m not alone in this feeling, hopefully we both can overcome it this year 
@NorthernMom61, I did join a Formula SAE team last semester where we build a formula race car and compete against other universities (I’m a Mech. Eng. student and enjoy auto racing), but the tone of the everyone in organization was fairly serious and everyone’s focus was on the competition as opposed to making friends (Which, honestly, is how it probably should be).
I just don’t see many organizations that fit me well. I’m not athletic, I don’t have a strong interest in politics, I don’t really have a exciting hobbies. I’ll be attending my university’s club and organization fair again, but last year it was so crowded with so many students that my social anxiety spiked and I couldn’t bring myself to approach any organization booth to ask questions
If you enjoy the outdoors, perhaps an outing club would be great. Low competition emphasis, but hiking and camping can be a good way to bond.
My kids have a few friends who are engineering majors. One has found friends through joining a club called Women in Engineering. He’s a guy, but he says all are welcome. Three others (at different colleges) surprised me by joining dancing clubs! They learn things like salsa and swing dancing, and also some older styles. They said it’s nice because there are specific steps to learn–they don’t have to make up their own moves.
You also might meet like-minded folks in a service club–maybe tutoring local grade school kids or mentoring a high school robotics team.
@TexasApex I didn’t get involved in clubs last year either, but I made most of my friends by (a) stumbling into their rooms and just chatting them up if they weren’t busy and (b) by talking to people in my classes. My floor and building often had organized social events so people had a chance to meet each other. I would recommend all of these methods.
I would also recommend attending some workshops or a series of seminars or a topic that interests you. Among many things, my department had an interview prep workshop, talks by professors on various subjects and some organized social events. I know my university generally had conventions and other events intended for the students, so it would’ve been an easy way to meet people without the long term commitment that clubs often entail.
My advice is to remember that most people are going to give you chance if you are polite enough. And if you think an interaction isn’t going smoothly, politely back out of it and remember that you probs won’t meet that person again. In the end, being thrown into a new social situation at any age isn’t easy for most people.
I think a club with perhaps a more social aspect would be of benefit of you. I like academic clubs as much as the next person, but at times it can be very task-focused and there is not enough time to really relax and break down barriers. Also it doesn’t have to be something you have experience in, it can be something completely new you have wanted to try. For instance, during my first semester in college I found that I really enjoyed going on backpacking trips with the outdoors club after the first hike had me hooked. I also have found that I enjoy some casual clubs where I can pick up some new things like the ASL club or the Ukelele Club. More often than not, these organizations love new members and they want to get to know you. They really don’t care if you have background experience.
As a social introvert, I understand your struggles. I think at times college can be very different because there is less structure and it can feel somewhat easy to get lost. But I really think sometimes all it takes is a friendly comment or a brief conversation to start a friendship. Once you get the conversation flowing, you can find out if you have any mutual interests (even if you don’t its a great opportunity to learn new things), exchange contact info, and then invite eachother to events going around on campus. Also I would take advantage of any social opportunities that may arise, for instance if your residence assistants are planning events or if there is a chance to catch a student or two after class to chat for a bit. Having an open door policy in your dorm could possibly also help.
Don’t view the last year as a failure, you accomplished some really meaningful things. You know you have some things you might want to work on and this year is a perfect year to get a fresh start onto things. Make friends with upperclassmen, the incoming freshman, people in your dorm, people you see in your class. The opportunities are endless, but the first thing you need to do is stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Since you know you might have social anxiety around large groups, it may be better to start off with small social gatherings or one one one interactions. Honestly those are much easier ways to get to know people on a more meaningful level anyway. Look out for activities or interests that may facilitate those interactions or simply one day sit next to someone new in the library or the cafeteria. Get the conversation going and share a bit of your passions, your aspirations, and a bit of who you are. Good luck and I seriously hope you find what you are looking for
You have a great opportunity to reach out to freshmen in your dorm. They will most likely be very receptive to a stranger with a smile and a hello. “Hi, I’m Jane, I live across the hall. Welcome to X College! I survived freshman year and am glad to help you find your way around or answer questions.”
Ask people questions and sit back and let them talk. People enjoy sincere compliments. If you see a poster on someone’s wall of a band, or a hit movie or whatever, ask about it. “Are you a big (movie/music/Dr. Who/whatever) fan? I enjoy xx kind of music, have you been to X band concert before?” Take whatever is obvious and turn it into a comment and question that can start a conversation.
Not every conversation turns into an instant friendship. But starting with a smile, a hello, a bland comment about the weather will get you an interaction with another person. Build on that interaction with another comment or question. It takes practice, and you will come across some nice folks and some not so nice folks. If a conversation doesn’t work, don’t quit. Just try again with someone else.
If you can find a service project club, they will appreciate you volunteering to help with their project. And usually there is time to practice conversation while you work. You don’t have to go to the club fair to volunteer. Research your college website and pick out a couple of possible clubs. Email the contact person and ask a question that shows your interest. That is much less stressful than having to push through crowds to get to a table at a big fair.
Don’t give up! Small steps over time will help you gain confidence.
ETA: My introverted S likes to wear tshirts that show his interests. Dr. Who in particular, but he also wears his county championship swim shirt to homeschool classes and finds others who share his interests. It can be another good conversation starter.
Your school very likely has a club called something similar to Resident Student Organization/Association or Res Hall Association… along those lines. Highly recommend it. They kind of do for the school what an RA does for their residents/floor; they field concerns from students, pass it on to administration, and put on a lot of fun events for the entire student body to enjoy. For example, at my school, they host things like fall festivals, slip and slide’s on the quad, a formal dance annually, trivia nights, school wide scavenger hunts, guest speakers/comedians… it goes on.
I’ve found that everyone in that club was always incredibly friendly and made a notable effort to strike up conversation with me or invite me to tag along if a group was going to lunch in the dining hall or something. I had a pretty rough first month or two at school, but this group really helped bring me out of my shell and feel like I had a community at my school.
Otherwise, most all of my friends came from my floormates. Will you have a roommate? Just leave your door open and pop in others’ rooms when possible. I met one of my now best friends doing that; she had a white board on her door and had written that she had banana bread to share, so I went in and talked to her (and ate banana bread). It’s honestly pretty brilliant; you could try baking a few dozen cookies and either writing something on a white board like my friend or just walking from door to door. It’s less anxiety-inducing than just striking up conversation too because there’s a very easy way into the conversation, and a very easy way out if it’s awkward.
So you may not have time outside of the classroom to socialize but, you go to class right? Unless you are that one person who sits in the corner all by themselves you could probably make some small talk with those around you in your class.
You guys are hurting my heart. Do you mean to say that you went to school an entire year, lived in the dorms and made no friends?
Join clubs. Maybe one that has a reputation for partying/socializing.
I’ve never really joined clubs that focused on a hobby because those tend to be smaller and it’s common for members to not have any interests other than that hobby.
But honestly I really believe that me being asian helps alot because many of us have similar interests…
(I can join any asian club ranging from “cool” to “nerdy” and find people who enjoy playing LoL/Dota, watching anime, getting pho when you’re hungover, getting boba during study breaks, etc.)
So if you have a cultural background, maybe you can find a club with people from the same or similar one as you.
The religious organizations are hopefully going to be more focused on outreach and including newcomers into their circle of friendship. Even if religion has not been a part of your life, I encourage you to attend a religious group function. Especially during the first few weeks, there will not be pressure to commit to a year’s worth of activities. So go, eat the free food, and practice conversation with others who will be genuinely interested in you.
I can’t say that all religious organizations will be so open, so try several if you need to to find a better fit for you. And if the religious aspect turns you off, at least you have gotten some free food and hopefully some interesting conversation.