Yes, this question has been asked time and time again, but based on my story, what options do I have?
Here’s my story, (I’ll keep it brief)
I’ve attended college close to home (on campus), but was pulled out prematurely due a to temporary, non recurring state of psychosis due to sleep deprivation. Since then I have taken two years off from school, and am ready to try university again… this time I would like to go away for college, because I’m tired of living at home, and frankly I’m jealous that my younger sibling of six years will have more opportunities (and support from my parents) for university away from home than I will, I feel like I’m secretly competing for leaving the coop because I know they will support him much, much more than they have me… I understand that college away from home is more financially binding than commuting, but I don’t want to stay home any longer, I’m ready for the independence of being an adult, but I have no support from my parents, I’m young almost twenty, and like all youth my age, I cannot stand (because hate is a strong term) staying at home with my parents…
What should I do? This is really bothering me, sucks that my sibling will get a much better launch than I will, that damn nearly propells me to leave home even more.
Perhaps your parents are concerned that what happened your freshman year will happen again. It may be prudent to do a semester while living at home to prove to your parents that you will be able to handle the work load and self care, with the agreement that if all goes smoothly, that you’ll move on campus. This isn’t a competition with your sibling. You need to focus on you.
It’s not isolated to my brother’s future success, it’s more that my parents are willfully not helping me get launched, yet they complain about me at home. It’s odd that they WOULDnt help me leave considering how much snide they give me.
You say you are “ready for the independence of being an adult, but I have no support from my parents.” That sets off alarm bells in my mind. Ready for independence but needing more support? What have you been doing in the recent past? In the past 6 months, for example, have you been demonstrating your independence and readiness to be on your own? Do you get yourself up on time, fix your own meals, do your own laundry, get to appointments on time, manage your schedule and deadlines, organize your stuff, help out around the house? Basically are you acting like a functional responsible young adult? We sent kid #1 OOS but are reluctant to do so with Kid #2 because of a lack of evidence that she can be independent.
It looks to me like you and your parents have a bit more work to do. It the three of you have been seeing a therapist over the past two years while sorting through the issues that led to your initial breakdown, it probably is time for another check-up to talk about the letting-go/not-letting-go and percieved favoritism for your younger brother. If you haven’t been working with a therapist during this time, then I’d suggest that the three of you start doing that now.