Hello!
I am an incoming freshman to university next year. I’ve grown up in the suburbs with my family all my life, and when I started applying to colleges, I widened my net of locations (out of state, big city) because I told myself that I wanted to branch out and that I felt ready.
Now, I’ve committed to a university, and am realizing that the entire leaving is weighing on me more than I’ve thought. It’s difficult to feel excited about making my own way in the world when all I can think about is what I’d be missing and what I’d be leaving behind. It’s gotten to the point where I’m afriad that I’m psyching myself out and will just be stuck no matter what I do.
Anyone who’s ever had experience with this, any advice? I’d seriously appreciate it. Thank you!
This is very common and normal. In the next few months, there will be many similar posts to yours appearing on this forum.
If you want to be stuck at home, that’s a choice you’re making. But if you want to venture out into the world and gain a little low-risk independence, that might be a better choice to make.
What do I say that? Because you came here looking for a way to convince yourself not to settle for staying at home. I say it’s low-risk because home will always be there. You are likely not going to have to support yourself financially. You will be in an environment with a bunch of other people who all made a decision to take the same risk you’re taking: sacrificing a bit of comfort for the real possibility of meeting new people and having a great time. You already have something in common with all those other people. You all chose to be there.
Ask yourself if you will regret not taking this amazing opportunity. Home will always be there and your family isn’t going to forget you. The opportunity to have a residential college experience is not one that can be taken at any time though. If you’re really unsure, you can defer for a year. If it’s really bad, you can move home. But going away to college is a real chance to do something that, for the vast majority of people, reaps benefits. Take the chance while you can.
Read these threads please:
Just take it one day at a time. Start slowly. Pick your friends slowly and carefully. For the most part bad things happen only if you make poor decisions. And when I say poor decisions I don’t mean whether you should eat a burger today or pizza, or which courses to take. I mean decisions like experimenting with substances, radically changing your sleep schedule, not attending classes etc. As long as you keep things on an even keel, you’ll be fine. More than fine — you’ll have a wonderful time
I am guessing but most of your friends at home will also be leaving for college. So, whether you go away to college or stay near home, life will change.
Embrace the change. Make new friends. Have new adventures. Learn new things. Next summer, when your friends get together after they have been away, you can enjoy everyone’s stories and share your own experiences.
I have seen it happen that young people who have never gone away from home (no sleep away camp, no traveling without family, etc) can have trouble adjusting to living away from home at college. Some parents strongly encourage experiences that develop the child’s confidence in dealing with new situations away from home, but some don’t.
If you are worried about this, the best thing that you could do is some kind of away from home/family experience this summer, that hopefully would give you more confidence. Travel with a friend, or work as a counselor at a sleep away camp, or if it’s not too late, some type of summer academic experience that’s away from home. An experience like this will help you to build self-confidence before you leave for college.
The thing you need to realize is you are not alone. Even if it feels and looks like everyone else is having this great time, there are many many kids that are just going through the motions and are feeling the same as you. As others have said, just use your common sense and branch out in a way that feels natural and safe. The unknown is scary. But once you conquer a small piece of it, it’s no longer unknown and becomes quite ordinary. If you just get a little piece here and there, you’ll see amazing growth in your ability to experience knew things without your home environment in the mix. Give it a shot. Most adjust pretty well.
My daughter felt the same way. She chose a college 1200 miles away from home. She told us recently that had she really thought that backing out was an option she would have, especially the weekend we moved her in. She was scared and stressed about the whole experience. It wasn’t always easy and she really pushed herself out of her comfort zone at times. But now, as a rising senior, she adores everything about her school and is already sad to be leaving. She likes to come home to recharge but last year she was only home for Thanksgiving and winter breaks. We usually go visit once a semester.
As everyone else has said, MANY students feel the same way you do. It might seem like everyone else is more confident about their decisions, but that’s not the case.