So I just got to my school, I am a freshman and I’m now realizing that I am too far away from home. I am feeling really anxious and depressed and I would like to defer the semester. My parents have already paid but we can get a 100% refund if I defer now. The college is a really good experience and opportunity for me but I feel really trapped, it being a seven hour flight from my home and me not having a car here. I really want to go home and start college in the winter at my local university. My dad is really disappointed and doesn’t want me to come home but at this point I’m feeling so sick I don’t think I can stay. Can someone please help me or give me any advice?
Thank you!!!
Take a deep breath. Relax.
Most of the kids at your school are going through the same thing. I agree with your dad–classes haven’t even started yet, and you already want to go back home. Give it a chance. Have you finished orientation? Have you tried to meet anyone?
The first few weeks are scary for everyone, but you have your phone if you ever get homesick and need to talk to your parents. I’d say at least try a semester before you leave.
^ Yep. Hang in there. Once you get your feet wet a little bit – establish routines, meet people, etc., – you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself.
You’ll be bored stiff back at home. All your friends have left for school too. Being a plane ride away sucks, but give it a semester. Use skype and face time to communicate back home and with friends.
Awww. So sorry that you are feeling this way. I do agree with the other posters: make an effort to hang in there. You would regret going home. Congratulations for your acceptance and admittance to your school.
When I was your age I felt sick, miserable and just like you for the first three weeks of college. I actually lost the freshman 15 rather than gain because I was so unhappy. After about a month I began to adjust, I liked my classes, I made friends, and being at college felt much better. I remember I went home for a visit after three weeks and there was nothing there for me. My friends were gone too. My family was busy with their life. Things had changed. As the years went on I never went home except for the vacations when the school closed and I’d cry when summer came and the year was over.
You haven’t even really started yet. One day at a time. You have to let the process happen and give yourself time to adjust. Each day focus on something good that happens no matter how small. Stop thinking about making a change and winter. You can do this.
You chose this school because you though that it was a far better choice than all the alternatives.
You’ve got to give it a better chance than the few days you’ve spent there.
Give yourself until Thanksgiving to start talking about transferring. If, at that point, you still hate it, then you can consider a transfer for the Spring semester.
In the meantime, visit the school mental health center today. They’ll have coping strategies for you. And they’ll show you that you’re certainly not alone in this boat, and help you connect with other students.
My daughter was also a long plane ride away at college. She was excited to be going to college until the day before she moved in when she had a total meltdown. She recovered and moved into her dorm on time. She was quite sad to see my wife and I leave for home a few days later. Within a week she had made friends and was having a great time.
So, give it a chance. Take a positive attitude. You’ll be fine.
Try to meet other freshmen- everyone is in the same boat. 
Three weeks after starting school a few hours from home, my son called home. He was adamant: the place was hell and he needed to come home.
His brand new laptop was not working.
He had dropped his phone and it wasn’t working.
His wisdom teeth were coming in and he was in pain.
He didn’t have a car, so he had no way to fix any of that.
So my daughter and I drove down and picked him up.
We went to Best Buy. It turns out that the computer was defective and they replaced it.
We went to Apple. They couldn’t fix his phone, so they replaced it.
His wisdom teeth had come in the night before and he was out of pain.
He went on to have a wonderful year.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to your parents-- to call and Facetime-- and to keep in touch with your high school friends. But be sure to put yourself out there, to find all the things about your college that has so many kids loving it.
I finished orientation and I just wasn’t excited about it and I haven’t been excited about the school since I got here. I already talked to someone about transferring into a school in my home town for the winter semester and just working for the fall one. I have already met some people and made some friends but again I’m just not excited about it and I feel like I just need to go home and figure out what I want there before I make any big decisions like this. I feel super depressed and anxious and I’ve had these feelings in the past but haven’t really done anything about it but it’s so much worse now that I’m here and I really feel like I need better mental health in order to do this. I know that i should probably give it a chance but I just don’t think that I can
Look up “hello mudda hello fadda” on YouTube. You’ll see that attitude is everything.
My daughter is finishing up orientation today. Our parents FB group is FILLED with angst from parents reporting their student is feeling just like you. It’s normal!
If you feel like your feelings are more amplified, go to talk to someone at student health.
You are not alone!
Stop by the mental health center today. If you’ve been super depressed and anxious, now and in the past, it’s probably a good idea, regardless of what you end up deciding about school. It’s a free service…why not just stop in and chat?
I stopped by the mental health center today and I just cried to her the whole time. I am pretty adamant on going home I’m just afraid everyone will be disappointed in me and I’ll feel embarrassed
NO ONE will be disappointed in you. You haven’t done anything wrong.
Going away is not for everyone. It wasn’t right for me-- I stayed home, went to community college and then transferred to a local university.
If it’s not right for you, it’s no big deal.
What did they say at the mental health center?
There are a lot of other students at the college where you are who are feeling the same way. This is very normal. Some of these are good friends that you just haven’t met yet or have just met, but that you are going to get to know over the next month or two.
Going away to university is a huge transition. You can do this.
Going to the mental health center was a good thing. You should go again periodically. Get involved in a club or two. Go to lunch with some friends that you have just met. Walk outside in the sunshine. Show up to class on time and pay attention. Go for a walk around campus today. Call your parents in the evening and tell them what you did today and what you saw on your walk around campus.
You can do this. It will be a lot better in a few days, or in a week or two.
Reminds me of a Princeton University student who went on a Yale study abroad semester in Asia. Twenty six hour flight. Got to Asia, felt homesick, flew back to the US the next day & returned to Asia three or four days later. I’ll bet he suffered from jet lag the whole semester. Looked like Brandon Fraser’s twin.
“Home” isn’t all it’s made out to be. Just heard from a friends mom. Her kid decided at the last min. not to go to the college we was all set to go to. Now he’s “home” planning on going to community college. Problem is everyone is gone. They are all still group chatting about their new schools. He’s miserable.
As I told my kid when he said his bed wasn’t like home – Well if it was, then home wouldn’t be home.
Let it play out a little bit. Good luck.
College is a HUGE transition. What you are feeling is normal.
When we are flooded with really strong emotions like you are feeling, a big old nasty freak out, we are just so sure we need to act and DO SOMETHING to make those feelings go away ASAP.
You might be spending a lot of time & mental energy thinking and planning how to leave – because it seems like the shortest distance to getting rid of that depression and anxiety.
Is it possible for you to continue with the counseling on campus, and try to use your time and mental energy doing other things? Walk around campus with a slight smile on your face. Listen to music you love. Go to the gym and see about taking a class or doing an outing with the Rec Center. Go see a movie or band. Join a club.
You could try giving yourself until Thanksgiving, then re-visiting your transferring options.
One of my kids was really unhappy almost all of freshman year, asked about transferring, and then by about Spring Break, school began to feel like her new home. She had two friends from HS who ended up transferring, but they stuck it out a year then transferred beginning sophomore year. It can take time to find your groove.
Hugs!