Step Parent Responsibilities

<p>There have been a couple posts regarding the unfairness of step parents income being used for government and institutional aid. While everyone knows this, I would just point out that federal and state aid is other tax payers money and institutional aid is other people’s (donors) money too. I think it’s only fair that both government and colleges expect the family, however the family is constituted, to be the primary source of funds for college to the extent the means are there to do so.</p>

<p>You have been given very good advice on this forum. Those telling you about ASSURED scholarships are 100% correct. What score did you SD earn on her PSAT taken earlier this year? That number may give you an idea whether to spend money on an SAT prep course. I do know of two young women who earned the National Merit/Hispanic scoring achievement. The title I may have incorrect, but a simple net search will tell you what I am referring to if you don’t know. One of these young women was offered tuition at Rice and the other tuition at a state school.</p>

<p>I am only up to page three, but feel compelled to butt in and say I think the often offered idea that “if you do this one thing ( “wrong” ), your children may resent you forever” is greatly exaggerated in an otherwise healthy relationship.</p>

<p>Quote:</p>

<h1>I’m also wondering, if they both make the same amount of money and he doesn’t save any of his, what he is doing with that part over and above his half of their expenses (i.e. she saves hers).</h1>

<p>I think that is the root of the problem. They both have similar earnings, yet H isn’t the thrifty saver that the OP is. Many of us are in those kinds of marriages. Yes, it can drive you nutty when a spouse is a spendthrift while you’re trying to pinch pennies and save. But, again, this H wasn’t a young’un when she married him…his pattern of spending/saving was very apparent by that point. Who knows what the H is spending his money on…a fancy car? a pricey hobby? expensive lunches during work hours? Who knows…but it’s probably something.</p>

<p>Maybe this couple needs to see a financial planner. Sometimes if the “spender” hears from a third party that his/her spending ways are wasteful or not sensible, the spender will listen. It’s amazing what some people will rationalize as “necessary expenses”. I can remember having to tell a dad with a stuggling young family that a pricey French-speaking pre-school was not a necessity for their 3 year old. :rolleyes:</p>

<p>I have been thinking of these postings today. OP, do you realize that if your stepchildren would be so fortunate as to obtain a 100% tuition free college education, that $5K would not pay for room/board/books, etc? Many colleges require a certain food plan and dorm at least the first year. Granted your student could take out a loan, but do you want to put them in debt when you will not allow your husband to take out a loan? Food for thought so to speak.</p>

<p>Different thought, out of context. I know of someone with parents that divorced 30+ years ago. The father remarried; the stepmother made a huge deal ouf of being called Mom. Thirty+ years later there are hard feelings because of the stepmother’s attitude toward being called mom. I know of another family where the stepmother was called by her first name and 30+ years later, the stepchildren love and respect her. Actions are more important than the semantics of a name. Help your children (step and biological) to the utmost of your ability. Your family life and relationship with your children and husband only stand to benefit. Gratitude will come later. Teenagers have a difficult time showing gratitude in a nuclear family. In a step situation teenagers almost feel a guilt of feeling more emotion towards the stepparent.</p>

<p>Annoying dad, I disagree. Because everyone involved has paid their fair share into the system over the years. The financial responsibility of children should be made between the parents to the best of their ability to do so, and most divorces provide for this in their consent order. My fianc</p>

<p>There’s what is, lulusmom2, and what different people think should be in terms financial aid calculations. Whether or not you agree with annoyingdad that “it’s only fair that both government and colleges expect the family, however the family is constituted, to be the primary source of funds for college,” the fact is the government and colleges do look to the family unit and do include the stepparent in that unit. There’s limited government and institutional aid, and the policies are set so that those limited dollars go where they’re needed most—in the estimation of those doling out the money.</p>

3 posts were split to a new topic: Stepparents Responsibility