<p>I am not really sure why I posted here either. Is there a list somehwere of merit based scholarships?</p>
<p>What repercussions of her actions? She is offering to pay a certain amount of money, not insignificant, has arranged for the father to FINALLY start saving, and has agreed that he should contribute some money, as well. She didnât say how much, so it might be plenty, with Stafford loans, to pay for a state school. Lots of people refuse to take parent loans for college.</p>
<p>Personally, I think her anger is justified. Bio-mom and dad messed up and now she has to fix at the 10th hour. Iâm not sure about the divorce part, but she may just be venting here.</p>
<p>poetgrl-- that is what I want to do. I want to sit down with DH and SD and go over everything so everyone is aware-- but SD doesnât want to talk-- she just wants us to pay.</p>
<p>Kudos to Siemom.</p>
<p>I agree with alwaysleah, I definitely got the impression that there would be an inequity as to the type of colleges the bio-kids and the step-kids would be able to go to. Even though the step kids arenât her bio-kids, they all have the same father and I think to make a distinction as to the type of school they can go to will cause resentment in later years.</p>
<p>I think you should give the idea of getting a divorce serious consideration. </p>
<p>If you cannot bring yourself to treat the four children in your household equally, then getting a divorce is the only way that you can protect the two older children from a system that makes them pay for your choices. You would have to do it for real â meaning that you and your husband would have to live in different places, and the two older children would have to live with him. </p>
<p>There seem to be reasons that make sense to you that explain why you will not cough up the money for the two older childrenâs education. Thatâs a sacrifice youâre not willing to make. So maybe you need to make the sacrifice of not living with their father for the next 8 years (until the 14-year-old graduates from college) instead. </p>
<p>Itâs your presence in the home of the two older children that is keeping them from qualifying for financial aid. Leaving would solve that problem, wouldnât it?</p>
<p>THANK YOU ZOOSERMOM!</p>
<p>I am highly frustrated-- with DH and donât even get me started on the biomom.</p>
<p>I LOVE my stepkids-- right now, more than I love their Dad. I do a lot for themâand we have as good a relationship as other step families-- better than any of their friends. </p>
<p>This college tuition thing is basically at the last minute given the amount of money.</p>
<p>Emotional. Not financial or physical. </p>
<p>She is not saying âI donât have the money right now.â She is saying âyou are not my child, so figure it out yourself.â A teenager will feel resentment. Then she continues to say that if her husband takes on loans (and their finances are separate), that she will divorce him. </p>
<p>A state school is a perfectly fine option. Make that clear to your stepkids now, so that they donât get their hopes up about other schools. OP you should crunch those numbers and see if that would be affordable for them with stafford loans</p>
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<p>
So the bio kids should be held back even though their parents had more years to save? </p>
<p>It would be reasonable to sit down the daughter and tell her that the parents didnât save and they are trying to scramble now to make it right and there is only so much they can do. Which is true.</p>
<p>Marianâothers, I do treat the kids equally. By the time I realized that the older kids didnât have a college fund-- it was too late. They are the age that they are.</p>
<p>What am I suppose to do? Forego all of my savings so they can go to college without paying anything?</p>
<p>How would that be fair to the younger two?</p>
<p>Also, who is supporting me and DH when we retire?</p>
<p>CalamityâŠ</p>
<p>You may not have known that your H didnât have college funds for his children until you set them up for the bio kids, but surely you knew what kind of guy you were marryingâŠthe type who takes care of those things or they type who doesnât. It sounds like youâre the big financial planner in the family and your husband more flies by the seat of his pants. If so, then you knew that and shouldnât have expected differently. When I met my H, it was clear to me from the get-go that he wasnât one to plan for the future, so I got him set up with a 401k and other savings/investment strategies. many donât have the savings genes, and those that do can be a big help if they politely offer some guidance⊠</p>
<p>Frankly, most parents donât save for collegeâŠand of the ones that do, that often gets split up or spent on a divorce.</p>
<p>Parents have the right to spend or not spend on college. however, I strongly feel that parents need to âdo for one as they would do for the othersâ. When stepkids are involved, and its obvious that the bio kids will be taken care of, but not them, then thatâs a recipe for all kinds of family strife that will last a lifetime.</p>
<p>As for merit scholarshipsâŠIâm going to sound sexist here, but many dads donât get that much involved with the whole college process. Thatâs why CC has many more moms posting than dads (yes, there are some hands-on dads on CC, but theyâre far more rare). Your SDs probably have no idea where to start to look for merit, so they arenât showing interest.</p>
<p>So, yes, it will fall to you to help find the merit. Itâs not that hard. Youâre on CCâŠthatâs a quick tix to finding merit.</p>
<p>What are your SDâs stats? GPA? Has she taken the SAT or ACT? PSAT? If so, how did she do?</p>
<p>Is she a strong student?</p>
<p>What state are you in?</p>
<p>What kind of major or career do you see her going into?</p>
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<p>alwaysleah-- when exactly did I say in any of my posts to my stepkids, âyou are not my childâ I missed that. Where did I say that?</p>
<p>
I guess Iâm a terrible parent, too, because I didnât do that. I did the best I could for all of them at each age of their lives and each age of mine.</p>
<p>My daughter understands that her kids will likely get young, affluent, involved grandparents. That wonât be the case with my son. My daughter understands that money was tight when she went to college (we had childcare expenses) but is still happy with result, despite having had a budget. My son will come to understand that money is a lot more plentiful in his college years if for no other reason than that his sisters will be finished with college.</p>
<p>So, yes, it will fall to you to help find the merit. Itâs not that hard. Youâre on CCâŠthatâs a quick tix to finding merit.</p>
<p>SDâs GPA is close to a 4.0-- she has not taken any of the other exams yet. </p>
<p>She is a strong student, she is also Hispanic.</p>
<p>Iâm not listing my state after being slammed by so many members on this board.</p>
<p>SD wants to do Premed</p>
<p>Sounds like youâre unhappy in your marriage. Divorce and move on. Then, you can keep all of your money for yourself.</p>
<p>Zoosermom-- I know plenty of people whose parents were able to pay for their older siblings to go to college and then none was left for them and they had to do it on their own. They donât resent their parents.</p>
<p>You might want to head over to the financial aid forums where you could get more specific advice pertaining to your finances. There is a specific algebraic formula used to determine financial aid/need/EFC. </p>
<p>Eligilbility for financial aid might questionable depending on your husbandâs income. Using a financial aid calculator will let you know how much they would be eligible for from the feds if implementing the FAFSA. If the oldest child is looking at CSS Profile schools then that info would also be needed.</p>
<p>Is the 16 year old a junior?</p>
<p>If you are looking for merit scholies what are her current stats?</p>
<p>Has she mentioned any schools?</p>
<p>Has her dad mentioned any schools?</p>
<p>College costs are expected to be paid out of savings 1/3, out of current income 1/3 and out of future earnings 1/3. There is a limit to the amount of loans a student can take per year. </p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>the above poster wanted to know your state in order to ascertain if you have any good public in-state options and merit scholarships from said schoolsâŠalso proximity to other OOS publics that offer substantial merit scholarships, stats for NMF scholies and the schools that offer them</p>
<p>DH and I are very happy in our marriage. We are simply trying to figure out the college thing. If we got a divorce it would be on paper-- everything would remain as is. He doesnât want me to spend all my savings on thier tuition either because âmyâ savings is now âourâ retirment.</p>
<p>If the roles were reversed, âhisâ savings would be used for âourâ retirement. If youâre going to be resentful about finances, leave. Resentment often ruins relationships anyway.</p>
<p>Calamity, maybe you should sit down and figure out how much you can contribute for sure (is the $5k pretty firm?), how much your husband can contribute, and then add the full Stafford loan for each year. That might make a good starting point. Also, check out what your state schools cost, any schools that are commutable, and then see if there are some options. If so, tell your daughter that this is what you can do and you will help her with scholarship searches. She knows her mother has problems and the only thing unfair would be not to tell her in time to set appropriate expectations. Unless you are a millionaire and just donât want to spend, in which case . . .</p>