Still trying to decide - Would love help!

Parents Forum
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<p>These past few days I have visited Duke. I am choosing between there and Tufts. Some of you may have seen my last post. To recap:</p>

<p>I was accepted Tufts RD and enrolled. I was very excited to go, met a lot of cool people. Then I got a phone call from Duke saying that I was admitted off the waitlist. I was really excited but I had never been there, so I eventually got to plan my trip, visited, and fell in love with the campus, facilities, everything. I didn't get to talk to that many people because it's already the summer, but ones I did I liked.</p>

<p>Here are my feelings on both schools.</p>

<p>Tufts
Was initially my third or fourth choice behind Cornell and Penn. Didn't get into those two and fell in love with the school. The campus was very nice (not my ideal campus, but I like it all the same) and I really, really enjoyed the people I met there. Some were just okay, but some I really enjoyed talking to. However, I have only met these people once, a few times, or never so it's very hard to base it off of isolated quick meetings. I feel that perhaps I may fit here better socially. Another really great thing about tufts was the boston area, and it's location in the north (half as far away from home, weather that I am used to, big city life, etc) I was very excited to attend and looking forward to meet all of the people i had talked with.</p>

<p>Duke</p>

<h2>Was the other one either 3rd or 4th choice. On my visit I felt like I was touring my dream school, and I was already accepted! I could not believe how gorgeous the campus looked, and not just the scenery and the buildings, but the classrooms and the dining areas just looked spectacular. It really looked like a paradise to me, though it was very hot and I will have to get used to that if I attend. (Hopefully only hot in the beginning and ending months) I have been able to talk with duke kids and while I like some, I have not made the same type of connections with them a with kids I met at tufts, but of course it's really hard to consider this when the majority of the interaction between all of these kids has been online. I did also percieve some students to be a bit condescending and conceeded in the facebook groups, but that was only a few isolated comments, and i think that I am having a harder time warming up to duke because I talked to so many people going to tufts, and it felt weird starting over. Plus, I have not talked to them nearly as long.</h2>

<p>If I do a school by school comparison Duke seems to win out. It's got the better engineering program, a gorgeous campus and great facilities, D1 sports, a place I've dreamed of attending, and even a prestige factor (this is at the bottom of the list, of course, but still of note) I really do feel that it would be a great place for me if i am able to find a niche of people I enjoy. I don't think I should worry about that despite enjoying the kids in tufts facebook group better because, after all, it's online.</p>

<p>I still feel like part of my heart is still pulling towards tufts, but I think that may be falsely encouraged by these friendships I have made and not real reason to chose a school. For some reason, though, I really feel like these kids understand me. However, I should be choosing the best fit for me, and the idea of Duke really fits that. That being said, my biggest concern is the fitting in the social scene at Duke, and the possibility of not liking the student body. There are so many people going to Duke so it really seems my worries are unecessary. So to recap</p>

<p>Duke
Great programs for what I want to do (Engineering, Public Policy)
More beautiful campus/facilities
More "Dream School" like
Hotter, Southern Weather (I'm from the north)
Worse Surrounding area
Haven't made as many social connections,
I feel as this is the more logical choice and a dream come true.</p>

<p>Tufts
Great, but lesser engineering program for what i may want to do (Engineering, IR is great though)
Great campus/facilities, but not as impressive
First Love School
Made great, but brief/mostly internet social connections
Great surrounding area of Boston
Northern Climate Atmosphere
This feels more like the safer choice and the one that my heart is still with, to a point.</p>

<p>This is the hardest decision of my life. I am putting this on here for my own considerations/thoughts but would love any input. Thank you very much if you read the majority/all of this.</p>

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<p>X
I'm glad you got to visit Duke. My S spent time there at TIP and thought the campus beautiful. he wrote a college essay on the clock tower , library, and philosophy. Weather good most of year, except summer. </p>

<p>You still seem confused, and have positives for both schools.I would focus more on the course of study and your impressions of the students and classrooms, than on prestige. I think both schools are prestigious.Do you enjoy attending sports? </p>

<p>I certainly have no strong feelings towards either school, but just want to support you, whatever you decide.</p>

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<p>I don't think I can be much help, but I just wanted to wish you luck in deciding! Both schools are great, and you're lucky to have such a decision. I know people who are starting at both schools next year (3 Tufts, 5 Duke), and they're all awesome.
Sometimes it's possible to glean that the poster really wants one choice or another, but is having trouble finalizing that decision...you seem to really be stuck! But as I said, I don't think either choice would be regrettable, and I'm sure you'll have a great time next year at either place.</p>

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<p>You cannot go wrong with either school. I do believe that Duke has more prestige and better name recognition across the country while Tufts is more known in the northeast. I dont know if prestige is something that is important to you. The other thing is that Duke probably has students attending who also were accepted to many of the ivies and choose Duke over them. Many students who choose to go to Tufts regular decision are deciding on Tufts versus Emory, Northwestern, Washington University ect.
Duke however has a lot of recruited athletes who got in with less stellar academic credentials, while Tufts does not do as much recruiting. Duke has sports teams which are very important to the social life and big greek life, while Tufts does not. However everyone I know who goes to Duke and Tufts are happy with the school they choose. Duke has a beautiful campus but Durham does not have much going on. Tufts is not far from Cambridge and there is a lot to do outside campus.</p>

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<p>You sound like you are emotionally connected to Tufts and northern culture and weather.<br>
Tufts is not a name that is well understood/appreciated in the southeast at all but doesn't sound like you want to work or live in that part of the USA anyhow. </p>

<p>You will NOT get a big city experience at Duke in the Triad. If it is important to you to feel the vibes of big city, you will find Durham hard to deal with for four years. The Duke student body is very representative of the entire USA but you will be living in Durham and it is not a suburb of Boston to say the least. </p>

<p>Being emotionally charged up is important for academic success at college. Go to the place that gives your batteries a huge Buzz. You will make maximum use out of a college that excites you. Also, I hope you will allow yourself to still take risks re stretching to meet other cultures and other type of students more than half way in building friendship. Don't pick a college that won't alter your life and world view some.</p>

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<p>Kids are reaching out on Facebook b/c they're all excited and apprehensive about their new world - college! While I don't think they should be written off b/c it's "online", you have a valid point in reserving judgement over whether they'll be real friends once you've all moved in and the college butterflies have subsided. Online, people who seem condescending may just be nervous - everyone is trying to find their niche/pecking order - everyone's a bit insecure at first. The same goes on the flip side - people who seem extra eager to know you, possibly flirt with you, beg you to choose one school over the other without really knowing you well...these are also forms of insecurity.</p>

<p>No matter where you choose, after a week or so, the newness and "awe" of any facilities (dining, campus grounds, etc.) will fade into the background. College is really about the intellectual stimulation, the social bonds formed, and the cultural opportunities (be they Greek, sports, big city). </p>

<p>While it seems like a life-or-death decision, the truth of the matter is - it isn't. My mom used to say (and it would drive me NUTS!) "Bloom where you are planted." It took me a lot of time to "get" that, but it's true. Either school is awesome. Both have good reputations, depending on who you ask. For example, you talk of prestige and Duke. Tufts is well known the world-over for its cultural diversity. At either school, you will find stuck-up kids, down-to-earth kids, friendly people, brainiacs and not-so-smart students, awesome professors, professors who should retire soon, partiers, teetotalers, frigid women, loose women :), etc. </p>

<p>As far as the weather - well, I bet it's a ***** to walk up and down the hill at
Tufts during a snowstorm or sweat profusely as you're walking around Duke in the sweltering heat.</p>

<p>Pick a garden soon. Begin to plant your roots - and BLOOM!! You'll "blossom" either place.</p>

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<p>Xeneise, the Duke campus is indeed a great place to spend your college life. The quality of the student body and the academic challenges in the Enginnering courses, are likely to be superior. However, the buildings, class rooms etc. are not going to give you the 'experience' of a happy college life. IMO, the friends that you make and the kind of bondage that you establish, will make these 4 years a memorable period! In my limited exposure, I felt the students in Duke are 'highbrow' and extremely aware of their social/family backgrounds. The experience could be different for different people!</p>

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<p>My daughter was accepted at Tufts, waitlisted at Cornell and Duke. Her college counselor told her that she would get very education at Tufts and Cornell, but the counselor didn't quite get this Duke thing. My daughter got off the waitlist for both Cornell and Duke. My daughter said if it was between Tufts and Duke, it would be Tufts for her. Many "pretty people" from her school are going to Duke(not necessary with great academic stats), and people she has met at Tufts seem very smart and grounded. But she found Tufts to be lacking in "school spirit" because of sports. Kids at Tufts are more crunchy, and Duke preppy. If you are connecting with kids at Tufts more, then you probably will be happier at Tufts(probably because you are more like Tufts student body). I think Facebook and CC college forums give you very good insight of what kids are like at each school. My daughter is going to Cornell because she felt it suits her personality more - she is peppy and nice, loves school spirit, and also takes her school work very seriously. She feels at Cornell she'll meet kids like her and also kids different from her. Even though she'll be in CAS, she is looking forward to take some classes in their architecture school. </p>

<p>Many people have told my daughter to reconsider Duke because of its ranking. But it needs to be more than that. A school needs to be a good fit for you, academically and socially. It was a very quick decision for her to decide Cornell vs Tufts, which I was very surprised by. I think the reason you are having a hard time deciding between Duke and Tufts is because your heart is telling you Tufts, and your head is telling you Duke. This is a rare instance where neither would be bad, so go with your heart. That's what I would tell my daughter. I like CountDown's post.</p>

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<p>Here's another thought: If you're going to be doing engineering at Duke, then the surrounding area won't matter. You won't have time to have a social life, from what I hear. Just kidding-- well, just a little. </p>

<p>oldfort: Frankly, I don't know how your daughter's "pretty people" with not great academic stats got in at Duke. Sorry-- pretty or not, I've never known anyone (except maybe an athlete) get into Duke without those stats- it just doesn't happen.</p>

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<p>Jack - I can appreciate that. It is true at my daughter's school this year, could be legacy. This is not just one. My daughter's school has only 130 kids, they all know each other.</p>

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<p>These are very different enviroments. Tufts has Boston,which is great, but leaves a little to be desired in the sports/school spirit way if that is important? </p>

<p>While Duke does not have the surrounding city it is a world unto itself providing it's own enriching college experience. </p>

<p>Both are exceptional educations with great academics in engineering, while Duke may have somewhat more prestige it seems like you need to evaluate all the other factors as they are just as important.</p>

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<p>oldfort: What were their stats? Maybe they were legacies, or maybe it's just a school (private?) from which Duke likes to recruit. Still seems surprising.</p>

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<p>Private school. Stats: A- to B+, not AP or honors, around 2100 SAT and very little ECs. U of Penn got the best students this year. 35% of kids from her school got into ivies, Stanford, MIT, etc. At least from my daughter's school, year to year, similar type of students have gone to Duke, many of them have very good stats, but not consistant.</p>

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<p>First the disclaimer -- my SS are going to Duke. They were admitted ED, but we knew they had to be ready to apply to other schools in case they did not get accepted. </p>

<p>Our SS were only able to visit a few other schools because of their sports schedules-- second disclaimer -- they were not recruited by Duke for athletics. We did not get a chance to visit Tufts. Both my H and I as well as our sons knew immediately after visiting each school ( Duke, UVA, UNC, Wake, Penn, Princeton) whether or not it felt right. The unanimous, yet unspoken decision was that Duke was the best fit. It felt right for the boys, it felt right for us.</p>

<p>So, you should trust your instincts. You will be happy wherever you choose to attend.</p>

<p>One other comment about the students at Duke. In October, our SS stayed with one of their friends while visiting and met some of his friends. During a recent vist in April, the boys were walking on campus, when two young men recognized them from their first visit, and off they went to spend some time with their new "friends". My H and I also had the opportunity to meet one of the Engineering professors during this visit. Very impressive. He genuinely cares about his students and loves the university. </p>

<p>So, if you choose to attend Duke, I will put you in touch with my SS. Third disclaimer -- I am very biased. They are great kids. I would be proud to call them my friends.</p>

<p>Good luck. If you want to talk to them off-line about Duke, PM me and I'll send you their e-mail address.</p>

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<p>X,</p>

<p>Sounds like you have two great options.</p>

<p>My son also went through a tough decision period. The final advice to help him with his decision was given by a professor at one of the school that accepted him. At a luncheon for accepted students, she told him that, "For small decisions, go with your head; for big decisions, go with your gut." From you post, it sounds like your heart is going with Tufts but only you can truly tell.</p>

<p>It is a big decision for you but one that you can't lose. I will pass along one more piece of advice given to me that I have found useful many times when I have to make big decisions - "don't look back."</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>oldfort: Thanks; that's interesting. Yes--my guess is, it's a private school they really like. We've found, in NC, that many kids get into Ivy's from one of the small private schools in our area. This particular school, while certainly good, is nowhere near as tough (curriculum-wise) as our top public magnet school, nor does it graduate kids with the stellar academic background that a couple of the magnet (public) high schools do-- yet these kids (from this particular private school) consistently get into a few of the very top Ivy's. Like what you describe, they do very little outside of class, either. In fact, a few of those kids couldn't cut it in this one magnet school and transferred to this private school for an easier route. A lot of private universities like certain private schools (and have close relationships with the admissions people at these schools), so it seems they often make decisions based on the school's background, rather than on the individual's. So, I'm guessing that was the attraction in the case you mention, too. </p>

<p>We have some friends in NYC whose kid went to a top private school there. Her parents recently mentioned the number of kids going on to Harvard and told of their backgrounds. It was amazing to hear, but in that case, the admissions person at the private school used to be an adcom at Harvard. I'm sure the students are doing fine there, but it is disillusioning to hear that so much about college admissions seems to be about connections. Maybe that's true in life as well. So . . . when kids do well who aren't necessarily from a "well-connected" school, you know they've really done well! ;)</p>

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<p>I understand the pull of a beautiful campus and that can contribute to your happiness at college but it should not be your first criterion.</p>

<p>I would say go to the school where you feel you can most easily fit in and find some like-minded, sympathetic friends unless you are very eager to "stretch" yourself by becoming familiar with another region and culture.</p>

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<p>Try the coin flip test (but you are only allowed to do it once, or it becomes invalid). Flip a coin: if the answer is accompanied by a sinking feeling in the stomach, choose the other school. If not, you've got your answer. </p>

<p>In other words, if you can't go with your heart, go with your stomach. ;)</p>

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<p>My DD went with her heart. She took herself off waitlists a long time ago. I was a bit nervous (though I didn't tell her) that she might have made too hasty a decision. She told me, "I am making my decision. And, when I do, I'm not looking back. Every school I applied to, I'd be happy to attend." Last week, she was one of a small handful who got taken off one of her original favorite's waitlists. (Apparently they hadn't received her "thanks, but no thanks" waitlist reply.) She opened the letter, said "hmm", looked at me, and said "I can't wait to go to Boston in August, and threw the letter away. And yes, she chose Tufts. Over Bowdoin, over Pomona, over Carelton, as well as other "big name" Ivies. It's about the fit, and she believes Tufts fits her like a glove. (for that reason alone, it will!)</p>

<p>As far as school spirit goes - who makes the spirit/sets the tone? The students! If there isn't enough of it already there, why can't the incoming kids work to rectify the situation? The entusiasm from the class of 2011 seems mind-bogglingly electric!!</p>

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<p>Your daughter had some great choices of where to go to college, but I think that you're right, it's about fit. My daughter also chose Tufts because it fit what she wanted to do in college. She's in the 5 year BA/BFA program majoring in peace and justice studies and art. There weren't too many colleges where she could have done that. She also liked the emphasis on global perspective and community service. Tufts has a unique environment which is attractive to a lot of students. Also, there is a lot of school spirit at Tufts, it just doesn't happen to be oriented around sports so much. Go to the Tufts website and check out the acapella groups. That is one venue for Tufts' school spirit, and there are many others as well.</p>

<p>So, Xeneise, I think you need to decide where you fit in best. Didn't you have some sort of gut reaction when you visited these schools as to where you could imagine yourself going to college?</p>