<p>D friended me last year when she left for college, with the understanding I would not embarrass her with comments. I was not allowed to “like” at first, but then she “liked” some things on my FB so I reciprocated when appropriate (no comments on relationships, etc). It has worked out great. We also FB chat and I love the spontenaity. I can read a lot into how she’s doing by the tone of her posts. I see who her new friends are and can learn at least a little about them. There is one particular thing she does that I know means there’s a new BF…and I try really hard not to comment on things I see so she practically forgets I can see her posts! I knew last year when she was struggling with anxiety, and was able to reach out more quickly than I would have otherwise. I don’t think what the OP is doing is all that wrong, as long as he is also communicating directly with the child and not just stalking.</p>
<p>Hugs to you, BBD, with the first-week jitters … I am in the throes of those right now, as D starts and I have just one more week left with my S before he leaves.</p>
<p>Somehow over the years my kids have gone from preferring their privacy to friending me on FB, BUT I do not post or like on their forum and I am on a limited profile. Why? Because coaches & profs & other non-students will friend them from time to time, I can see what it available on that limited profile and let them know if a friend has linked something inappropriate post/photo where the wrong people might see it.</p>
<p>So, I actually help them keep their most public profile in good shape and I am clued in to their lives. I especially like it with my kid who is far away and less than ideal about staying in touch. I know she is alive and well.</p>
<p>I am FB friends with both DDs. I never Like or post on their walls. I am sure I am limited on their privacy settings. But, FB chat is great. I keep in touch with college DD and tell HS DD when it is time for dinner!</p>
<p>Sorry, I would have responded to your post earlier, but I needed to check out my kids’ facebooks, myspaces and read the emails in our joint account…</p>
<p>…almost kidding…</p>
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<p>This is the temptation I have to fight, when I see S2 posting at 3 in the morning! I would never comment about it right on Facebook, but I have been tempted to send him an email saying “Time for bed, young man!” But I have managed to restrain myself . . …</p>
<p>I do sometimes Like posts that he makes, but I don’t comment on them. </p>
<p>I love being able to check FB to see what he is up to. He posts fairly frequently (unlike S1), so that is nice.</p>
<p>I also like that I can post tidbits and photos about life at home on my Facebook, which both S1 and S2 can see.</p>
<p>I post on my older (graduated) son’s FB and send tweets all the time. We use it as conversation now that he’s moved out and across the country. Although I am friends with my younger son on FB, I rarely post or like but if I didn’t check it out occasionally, I’d never even know whether he’s still alive. I think the key is to understand where they want the boundaries to be and respect them.</p>
<p>SodiumFree - you bring up a good point. I did not realize my D was even looking at my FB, and figured she could care less, until she started “liking” some of my posts. It works both ways and I make sure I am careful about what I post about her and try to include things I think she will enjoy. One of my sons is much older and he enjoys my FB, too. I am allowed to post on his as much as I want!</p>
<p>I think twice about the lameness factor of my posts knowing my kids are reading them, trying to avoid the eye rolling.</p>
<p>somemom, mine don’t even TRY to avoid eye rolling.</p>
<p>Both of my daughters KNOW that I’m a facebook stalker. My p.o.v. is that if I can see it online (without special passwords), then ANYONE can see it online… That’s always been my story, and I’m sticking to it! I DO try to avoid making comments on where they use their debit cards (one could probably write a BOOK!); since I so kindly transfer money into their accounts, that one’s open for view, too. </p>
<p>D2 showed me a site that has …“When parents text” …which is hilarious…and a similar site that shows lame parental facebook posts. I try to limit my facebook posts, since I don’t want her to forward any of my entries to that site!!!</p>
<p>When parents text is great. Good one a few days ago that slammed the kid:</p>
<p>ME: BREAKING NEWS: BEYONC</p>
<p>the good news: we got skype to work last night, and had a relatively long convo</p>
<p>the bad news: DD is in full kvetch (whine/complain) mode, from her shabbat issues, to the disorganized bio prof who gave a lecture over the heads of all the Archies (who are required to take bio) and who cant seem to post syllabi, assignments, etc where they need to go - to the high cost of buses from Troy NY to where her friends are going to school in New England. Also she lost a contact lens</p>
<p>Good news - she wants to deal with the lens herself, dealt with textbooks herself, and dealt with her schedule change herself. </p>
<p>bad news - when I suggested she see the bio prof during office hours, she said he hadnt told them his office hours. I had to suggest to her checking the dept secretary. She said shes getting enough sleep. But posted to FB just before 3AM last night.</p>
<p>BBD,
So glad that you were able to skype last night. Finding the ‘new normal’ takes time. You have a huge head start on this having a successful GAP year last year!! I think this will go quicker than you think.</p>
<p>I am finding a nice alternative to facebook pages such as ‘class of 2015’ (which have TMI for me) is my son’s university newspaper which is online daily. I get my fix of university news and happenings without the intimate personal details of facebook (ie, the ‘ick’ factor). I never feel bad mentioning something I read in the newspaper because he knows I read it (I actually read several of the newspapers of schools he was applying to quite a bit last year to get a feel of the schools, so it’s not a new thing for him). Just a thought for other parents that like to know what’s going on at their kids university, without the rest.</p>
<p>lol nj2011mom!!!</p>
<p>Brooklynborndad - cyber hugs to you - it is hard letting go. </p>
<p>I keep telling my D that she now owns all of her decisions and actions. I tell her I can guide her only when she asks but I will not tell her what to do or how to do it.</p>
<p>My tongue is bleeding from biting it often. It is killing me.</p>
<p>Hello everyone. My name is SONSAMI and I too am a Facebook Stalker. </p>
<p>But. . . . I wholeheartedly agree with what Astrophysicsmom posted in post#30: If I can see it without special codes or “borrowed” passwords, then it’s public domain. If 1000+ of my son’s “friends” can see, then the word PRIVACY doesn’t even enter the conversation. Period. </p>
<p>I will occasionally “Like” something he says or does but I mostly communicate with him through the private messaging or we text. I do find myself checking multiple times during the day and evening to see if he’s logged on, but thus far have resisted the urge to say, “GET OFF FACEBOOK, GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM, AND GO BE SOCIAL AND MEET PEOPLE!!” or “IS ALL YOUR WORK DONE THAT YOU HAVE SO MUCH TIME TO BLOW ON FACEBOOK???”. </p>
<p>He’s been gone 1 week today. It’s going to get easier, right?</p>
<p>D1 created a family friendly FB to post pictures she wants us to see, otherwise I am not friends with D1 or D2 on FB.</p>
<p>Whenever I asked D1 when she got back from a party, she would always say, “2 o´clock-ish.” One time I asked her why always 2:00am (curfew at her sorority, last run of bus, drinks…). She said, “2:00 just seem kind of respectable to tell your parents.”</p>
<p>When we confront DD why she have not allow us as friends on FB, she just smiles…</p>
<p>I am just so happy I am not alone. It is hard to let loose after all these years. I worry and this atleast lets me know she is all right. I am trying to stop. She told me yesterday to “rip the bandaid off and it will hurt but only for a little while”.</p>
<p>Do a search on the Onion for a segment about parents on Facebook.</p>