<p>On the Onion use the words “facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing how parents…”</p>
<p>this is funny too:
[facebook</a> mom filter snl - YouTube](<a href=“facebook mom filter snl - YouTube”>facebook mom filter snl - YouTube)</p>
<p>As I am reading this I just got a text from my D1 and had to smile. 
Her computer power supply cord died just a couple of days after arriving at college so we can’t Skype right now. She went ahead and ordered a new one on her own, something she would have had her Dad do before this, so that was a good sign. But, where she ordered it would not send it without a street address and at her university they just have the building listed without a street name because it isn’t needed. So, the message was sent to guess where, her email, and she couldn’t retrieve it, so lucky for her I am a creeper and checked her emails, since I knew she could not. She can get her school email from the computers in her dorm lobby and the library but can’t use her laptop right now.</p>
<p>So </p>
<p>Thursday we hear from DD in total panic and distress. She has just had Arch studio. Did well in her first critique. BUT - the instructor has just given them a BIG project, and its due on MONDAY. Since the only school work she will on shabbos is reading (which has actually worked rather well so far, she gets a LOT of reading done then) she figures she will have to basically be in studio all of her non class time on friday, all of Sat night, and all of sunday, and probably skimp on sleep. She is also figuring that she probably will have to cancel her trip to Boston to be with her BF on Rosh Hashanah. And that she will basically have no life outside studio for five years. And the project doesnt even have anything to do with arch practice or building buildings, that she can figure out. And a good part of it isnt even creative, or difficult, just tedious. DW who was on the road, listens to he r sob, then has her call me, because DW has to drive. I listen, talk about ways to get info, career alternatives, stuff. “Daddy, what DO sociologists do, exactly?” “Sweetie, if you are SERIOUS about moving to Israel someday, you ought to consider Comp Sci” and most importantly “its okay to be uncertain” and “Yes, lots of archies drop out”</p>
<p>It didnt help that she had pulled an all nighter Thursday night finishing the previous studio project (though she admitted in THAT case her procrastination had been a problem)</p>
<p>DW and I were in NYC over the weekend for an unofficial high school reunion, and to go to Manhattan for 9/11, and to see DW’s elderly mom. DW followed DD’s FB postings using her phone. She apparently focused well, DID get sleep Saturday night. Texted DW “I can do arch and still get sleep, but not much else” </p>
<p>Sunday evening, on the subway from manhattan to where we were staying in Brooklyn text “Im stressed out, call me” </p>
<p>She had made progress on the project, but didnt expect it to be finished for Monday even IF the pulled an all nighter. We talked about ways to find out if this is typical for arch classes at RPI - (talk to upperclassmen, to advisor, even to asst dean). How to find out relationship to practice - she has heard from upperclassmen that arch work though intense, is not THIS bad - suggested she call a faculty member we know at CUA-Arch who has said he is concerned about the arch school project culture, even to consider transferring there (shomer shabbos at Catholic U!!! Well anythings worth thinking about) talked about civil e, environmental E, can you be creative as an engineer, can you do things with Comp sci other than code, degrees and careers for urban planning, etc. Also transfer options if she wanted a path in which RPI was not strong. Suggested follow up with Learning center, and also talk to disabilities center (but she insisted she was getting better at not wasting time, that she only needed her med for non studio course work, cause she DID hyperfocus in studio. Was on the phone for almost 50 minutes - till she said she had to go finish her project. Sounded like she had calmed down. While we were reluctant to see her switch without fully seeing the alternatives, she said there was no point to continuing to deal with studio if she wasnt going to stick with Arch.</p>
<p>We said we could come up to Troy to see her, but it didnt look like she would have time till evening, and that was too late since we needed to get back to DC.</p>
<p>Next day, as we were stuck in traffic leaving NYC, she texted “since we spoke, I have spoken to an upperclassman, to my advisor, and to Dean ____”</p>
<p>NOT the dean of undegrad Arch. But to the Dean of the whole Arch school.</p>
<p>She said she had decided to stick with Arch till at least the end of the semester. I texted to say we would help with researching options, we support her in whichever path, and she should ask us for help/support whenever she needs it. She thanked us, but said she was glad she had found a support system on campus.
I said I was happy she had taken the initiative to find that.</p>
<p>I Facebook stalk my daughter every single day. And she knows it. ;)</p>
<p>I do it, too, but I am starting to feel really uncomfortable about it. Do I really want to see what goes on at frat parties and in dorm rooms late at night? I mean, I went to college, so I am not naive. But, do I want to be there, with my 19yo D in the thick of things, who seems to be having a pretty good time, btw. We do text most days and skype on the weekend, so all seems to be fine with classes and such. I feel like I need to lay off the FB, but it’s like looking at a car accident–you just can’t turn away.</p>
<p>I admit it. I FB stalk my DD too. But I don’t comment or post anything there. We have plenty of other ways to communicate so there’s no reason for me to be “present” there. DH didn’t learn this lesson, so she blocked him from posting on her wall.</p>
<p>DD even accepted me on her Twitter feed, which is private. What she tweets is pretty telling too. She blocked DH from that completely. He went against the parent rules there as well.</p>
<p>Of course, DD posts on MY wall on FB. Sometimes, she’ll text me to FB chat with her. But, when we spoke yesterday and I asked her if she had fun over the weekend, she revealed that it was great, she took a lot of pictures, but the album on FB is private (limited to the people in the pics). Yup, she’s got her own life. She just turned 19 and she’s entitled to it.</p>
<p>I agree with the person here who said that FB is public and your kids need to be reminded of that every so often. Since my DD got her FB account, there have only been two or three times early on that I had to tell her that what she posted was inappropriate.</p>
<p>Of course, since DD is on my FB page too, I have to be careful what I post as well :)</p>
<p>We cross-posted, but I just saw this – exactly!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Blossom…I loved your post! You are the sweetest lady and that post just made me smile. Had someone posted a nasty reply immediately after the OP posted the whole tone would have gone off the deep end. Instead you showed the humor and kindness that is so evident in many of your posts.</p>
<p>My H has commented, too, and D has threatened to block him, but it hasn’t happened yet. I’ve tried to tell him the rules, but he just doesn’t listen!</p>
<p>My kids have learned to scrub their Facebook pages, so they don’t mind whether we look at them or not anymore. I never got on Facebook because they didn’t want me there, but my wife recently did (good way to share vacation pictures with family/friends). Long ago, however, they friended my sister (their aunt), and even my mother. A couple of years ago, my sister e-mailed me from Shanghai to ask what the story with my son’s new girlfriend was – of course, I had no idea there WAS a new girlfriend.</p>
<p>Of course, had I cared to check I probably could have learned something from that marvelous source of intelligence: the phone bill. I learned about a prior girlfriend that way, in the days before I got the good sense to pay for unlimited family texting
(Kid 1 never texted that much). “Who in heck is Blue Earth Minnesota?”</p>
<p>Back in 2006 when DS went off to school, texting was not yet ubiquitous and students usd IM a lot. I derived a great deal of comfort from seeing his status on IM change from time to time (at the gym…studying…class…). Evidence of life. I didn’t realize I had it so good!</p>
<p>My daughter is facebook friends not only with me (since she got facebook in high school) but also with her little sister, her two aunts, her uncles, cousins, etc. She has never posted anything questionable and is fine with comments.</p>
<p>Over the summer there was a class of 2015 page for her college and she might still be posting on there, but you need a password to see that. She very much understands that whatever she posts might come back to haunt her sometime, so she’s very good.</p>
<p>BBD, maybe you could contact the moderator Soozievt here on CC. I believe her daughter was an arch major…she might be able to help out a bit.</p>
<p>Hey! I learned the rules the hard way! No posting or you get “unfriended”!
Now I just check FB to make sure everyone is alive and still kicking!</p>
<p>My S friended me on FB, but he never uses it anyway so it’s irrelevant. And he goes to a very small school - I’m jealous of BBD’s stalking opportunities. But seriously, I’m one of the lucky parents - we kept in touch when he was home and he still does there. I’ll usually hear from him before 3 - 4 days are up. And if my son DID use FB, I’m sure my husband would get his privileges revoked for not following the parent rules. :)</p>
<p>post 42 - lol!
[facebook</a> mom filter snl - YouTube](<a href=“facebook mom filter snl - YouTube”>facebook mom filter snl - YouTube)</p>
<p>This should probably be in the bragging thread, but S2 friended me this week, after 3 years Of course, now he’s almost 21, lives by himself, has 3 part-time jobs, goes to school and has a girlfriend who has a baby. In other words, adult and boring…He is nearby and I see him most days. Still…I was pleased when I saw him in my feed.</p>
<p>S1 quit fb 2 years ago while job searching.
D is 14 and knows I sometimes stalk and will be for awhile…she’s my friend or she won’t be on fb!</p>
<p>I just learned from stalking facebook that my d was actually at the library today! Who woulda thought?</p>
<p>Just love it when they use the “check-in” feature on that iphone! </p>
<p>Unfortunately it appears she was also at a pet store at a time that I think she should have been in class but I’ll just hope that the time was not exactly accurate there and keep my mouth shut.</p>
<p>BBD: so sorry that your D is having a rough go of it. I know it’s all part of the process, but it’s hard to watch them struggle. Seems as if she’s doing a good job of self advocating though.</p>
<p>I have to say that D1 has dropped off her FB usage quite a bit this year. I mentioned something to her about not seeing any new pictures recently & she was surprised as she’s apparently been tagged in a bunch. But her friends are really good about keeping things only visible to their friends & not “friends of friends” so no sightings for me :(</p>
<p>Don’t you love that we aren’t allowed to post on our kids’ FBs but they feel free to post on ours? :rolleyes: Does the irony of that never occur to them?</p>
<p>My kids both friended me (one when she got to college, one when he graduated from college) but they have it set up to where I only have limited access to what I can see on their pages. I can see what they write on their own wall (and on some of their friends’ walls, depending on the friends’ settings) but I cannot see what anyone else writes on my kids’ walls. Nor can I see pictures they are tagged in - unless they comment on the pictures and the friend who took the picture has fairly loose privacy settings. I’m don’t think my kids even realize I can see pictures that they comment on. Both of them have set up some albums on their FB that I am allowed to see, and some that I am not. </p>
<p>Only once have I warned one of my kids about what was on her FB - my D left her FB open and a guy from her floor went in and posted tons of goofy (and in some cases raunchy) statuses, changed her birthday, and added a nasty but ridiculous (clearly not D) picture as her profile pic. She immediately changed her profile pic back and deleted the worst of the raunchy statuses, but I then noticed that the nasty profile pic was still in the string of pictures across the top of her FB page, because she hadn’t totally deleted it. I mentioned it and she took it down. </p>
<p>I have been known to take a hard look at my kids’ texting patterns. When D told me her BF from home was being incredibly annoying and insecure by texting her at college CONSTANTLY and getting upset if she didn’t text back, I knew she wasn’t kidding. I could see her usage and the phone number that all the texts were to/from. The month before they broke up she averaged a total of 400 texts per DAY (including sent and received). The month after the breakup it was down to 150/day. Now she’s dating a guy from her college who isn’t glued to his phone - and she’s averaging about 95 texts/day (compared to me at 22 and S, who just started a full-time job, at 16/day).</p>
<p>BBD - Sorry your D is having a hard time. But HOORAY to her for recognizing the challenge, communicating with home, and seeking advise from the Dean. She likely benefited greatly from her gap year and resulting extra maturity. Good luck!</p>