<p>i have one indian overprotective parent
and one freaking brilliant almost hippie indian parent</p>
<p>makes for some interesting conversations</p>
<p>I feel so bad for you, coming from an immigrant indian family I know exactly what you mean. While my father was like that with my sister he is not so anymore, because my sister and I started rebelling to their old, pathetic closed-minded ideas when we were in high school. But the fear that he may take it out on your mother and sister is something I understand, while my father was not physically abusive he was verbally so and it is one of the reasons my attitudes is often pessimistic. Anyhow, does your mother not say anything? How does she feel about your actions/opinions? Indian mothers are more in tune with their kids than Indian fathers, but I do not know individual circumstances.</p>
<p>But your father will not know if you go out and there is nothing wrong with going out and having fun be it with girls or guys. Its the closed minded Indian way of thinking that has led you to believe this, and for a while I guess I fell into this trap. Since I am a guy my father wasn't really protective of me or restrictive in the way that I am assuming your father is, but like I said, be responsible and he doesn't need to know everything about what you do.</p>
<p>Why do you even care what he has to say other than for the sake of your mother and sister? He does not know what he is talking about, probably raised in some ultraconservative town in India. I don't mean to insult your family, but I know SEVERAL Indian people like your father and I am ashamed of them for ruining their childrens and wives' lives with their fake sense of authority and intellect. They do not know what is right or wrong, for they preach their stupid culture yet are incapable of defining what exactly their culture is. Ask Indian people why they follow a custom or something and they will tell you "just because" or "thats what society does".</p>
<p>pathetic.</p>
<p>try to be positive coz atleast u are away from dem
i’m not, i’m still stuck wit dem, i’m nt allowed to do anyhing but learn
i never go out never do anything fun in my life because everything fun is against culture n if i do try , i will get beaten up n mum told me no matter how hard it is i will never let u do things ur way ,never
sometimes i feel suicidal bt den i think prnts have destroyed ma past and present too bt i wont let dem destroy my future becuase dis is my life
n i always work hard n try and understand dem and help dem wit everthing
bt dey dont give a damn bout it n now i have realised dey neveer will unless a miracle happens. so my plan is work hard get a good job and run away,i wud bring shame to de family bt dey should be ashamed of demselves 4 making my life hell and hopefully dat’ll will work coz i’m not gonna get beaten up by dem anymore , i ahve also being sexually used by ma dads cousin wen i was 6 or 7 or evn younger coz ma prnts let dis Cousin be my babysitter since i don knw wen, bt my family never knows bout dis n if i do tell dem i’ll be evn more protectd , i don how.</p>
<p>so try and be positive and make ur future better by doing things u always wanted to do and hopefully i’ll have dat kind of chance 1 day</p>
<p>Clearly, if you managed to do all of this behind your parents’ back and your friends didn’t know that, your parents were not a big part of your friends’ lives. I suspect that if your friends had known that your parents made your life miserable, they would have been angry at your parents.</p>
<p>Also, there are controlling and abusive parents from all kinds of backgrounds. It’s quite likely that some of the other students you knew and whose freedom you envied were doing things behind their parents’ backs too. That’s one thing that is really sad about your not having told your friends about your parents: you felt as isolated as you did when you might have discovered that a lot of your friends were sympathetic and supportive and that a few of them knew exactly what you were going through.</p>
<p>I’m glad things have gotten better now that you aren’t dependent on your parents any more. I hope they continue to improve.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>dam dat sux did dey no dat u did dat? cuz dat sux n dat ur lyfe.</p>
<p>^^ ■■■■■</p>
<p>i really, really hope you are ****ing around, cause I was about to do the same thing to that illiterate post</p>
<p>@OP where ever you are, yeah I know how this feels. You just have to keep things behind their back, and try to make them happy by getting good grades or whatever. They brought you to this country/made you in this country and just want you to do well and pass on their legacy. While they do bring with them their outdates rules and beliefs, you just have to find ways to circumvent them. In the end, its your happiness that matters. Your parents will pass away and you will be on your own. I hope that you can make this experience a positive one and raise your children properly (if you plan on having any). Our parents gave us the tools to be successful, and I am very appreciative for that. You know your parents just want the best for you, regardless of their outdated rules and beliefs. They wont be here forever…</p>
<p>THIS is why I want to get as far away from my parents as possible when going to college. Didn’t apply to even one in-state college, YESS</p>
<p>OP should have gotten emancipated. </p>
<p>I live in India. But, my parents are a lot lot lot more liberal than the OP’s. They know that I have a girlfriend(and are OK with it), they let me go to parties(as long as they know where I am), they know that I drink at parties and are ok with it as long as I know my limits. They give me my freedom and I love them for that.</p>
<p>Guys…this thread is a year old…</p>
<p>I’m 21 almost 22, I have one older brother he’s 36. I came to Canada at the age of 3. Brother was 16. My parents and brother are like one group of Indians out to get me. I am not allowed to study abroad or out of the city as a matter of fact. No talking to boys. I wasn’t allowed to go to my work party which because I am the receptionist had actual work to do for the awards ceremony. This was last minute that they forbid me and my boss still gives me **** for it. I didn’t get a job until after highschool becasue I never was allowed I still technically am not allowed, but I need to get through my Nursing Unit Clerk program. I’m doing it part time so will be done March 2011. I have a wonderful boyfriend (behind everyone’s back). My three best friends are amazing all of their parents being extremely liberal. My parent’s do not let me go out of the hosue anywhere without giving them a whole entire reason where im going who im going with and sometimes they want to speak to parents. My curfew is 9pm, if i am allowed to go anywhere and only for 2 hours max. My friends are very supportive they’ve always been there to listen to me crying over teh phone. I’m paying my own school, bills, I still need to get my license and a car. I’ve got so much financial debt and even once I am done school the rules will not change. In my family women are treated like beyond minority. My sister in law came from a very liberal family where my brother would hang out there at her house. Now she can not go anywhere but work and she can’t see her friends and work on weekends. They have two kids. I mean honestly what is a pereson to do with this situation. I asked my dad if I could hang with my friends on the weekend and he refuses to answer me and ignore my question and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is yelling that the heats too high! I get so frustrated. All my cousins studied abroad are doctors and what not. I’m the only fool. I honestly blame my family. I know I should be tahnkful they brought me into the world. But I’m not. Why be brought into a world of ridicule imprisonment and tortue. I got beat up so badly as a child and to this day. My brother found out I drank and yes it’s wrong but he punched me repeatedly in my face and the next mornign I wasn’t recognizable. My face was swollen one eye was closed shut and the other cheek bone and eye were black. my lip was swollen. My dad’s an alcoholic and he is more than a million dollars in debt. My brother doesnt drink or anything but he’s temperamental. My mom resorted to beign god’s servant because she was so depressed and my dad barely lets her leave the house to the temple and he *****es 24/7 taht she prays all day. They’re driivng all of us insane. I was to concentrated on my misery and imprisonment that I never paid attention to school. It sucked. I regret it now. At the time I thought it was my fault. Now taht I look back on it I can see that I was never allowed to visit the library, not allowed to do assignments at friends or projects, I was not alowed to stay in my room alone or without being bothered. All of this still applies to this day. I’m trying to get through life and at least finish a short program so I can get rid of my debt and at least buy a vehicle in a few years. The thing is whnever I try to move forward they find a reason to pull me back.</p>
<p>Well, the age of majority is 18 in Canada. Since you are over 18, you don’t need your parents’ permission in order to make such decisions.</p>
<p>Do you still live with your parents? If so, I would recommend moving out as soon as possible.</p>
<hr>
<p>Danny
University of California, Berkeley '09 (B.S.)</p>
<p>I’m so sorry…
Just make sure when you have kids, you let them go out.</p>
<p>Hey!
I just wanted to say that I can totally empathise with your situation. I know you have written this ages ago but I would like to know how your relationship with your parents is now?
My parents are very strict and I have always resented that. I used to pray that when I woke that I will not be Indian anymore, so that I would not to deal with the avalanche of BS logic of what a proper Indian girl should be like. It is sad really, that though the Indian culture in itself is quite beautiful, people are so narrowminded that they cannot move with the rest of the world. I am naturally a very outgoing and open person. But in front of my parents, I am a lesser version of myself and this truly sucks. It is awful to be surrounded by people with supportive parents, when yours arent. My biggest fear is that I will live my life unfulfilled and full of regrets of things that I wish I had experienced. I know for sure that after I am 25, at the very latest, I will move away from my parents if they do not become more open and supportive of my choices, but its the waiting that sucks.
And about how your dad hitting u and ur sis & mum… it is sickening that particulary indian men feel that they have the god-damn right to lay a hand on their daughters and wives. My dad is like that and I get so mad and it drives me insane that he continues on with the day, like nothing happened. I have so much hate for him. I dont think I can ever forgive him. If reincarnation is true, I sometimes feel that being born Indian is karma, for bad things done in a past life.</p>
<p>African parents are like this too tbh not just asian parents haha</p>
<p>This is not an uncommon story. I made friends with lots of first generation students who had similar stories. My own father was similar to this. I couldn’t even buy something that cost over twenty bucks without fearing that my parents would chew me out. They would constantly call me and ask where I was and then tell me that I should go home because it was past 6 PM. I think my parents were more well meaning than yours, but I definitely missed out on a lot of things. I never got to go to a sleep over or stay out late in high school. Things like that. If you’ve graduated then definitely this is a chance to really live life. I wouldn’t bring it up to your friends unless it’s something you need to talk about. With my parents, since we all had similar parents, we just took it for granted that our parents were control freaks. It didn’t even come up in a conversation. But there there times when it got really bad and someone felt the need to share. If someone is your friend, they will hear you out. Don’t worry about being judged for it. Someone would really need to be a huge jerk to judge you for the things your parents do.</p>
<p>I do not come from an immigrant family, but my childhood was pretty strict. Like, “come straight home from school and stay here, unless you go to the library” strict. I didn’t get to go hang out with people. It was like being grounded was for other kids, except in my case it was a permanent situation. My sister had much less control growing up, and my brother currently does as well. I was the only one who got restricted to the house, largely because I have Aspergers, so my parents felt I couldn’t be trusted around my peers. It has definitely impaired my social skills more than just the disorder would have. I’ve gotten a lot better from where I was at when I was 20, but I still have a hard time socializing with my friends. Not as bad as what you dealt with, of course. My parents don’t provide me with financial support or pay for college, and they don’t live anywhere near me, so my college experience is more pleasant on that end.</p>
<p>I personally don’t see any reason not to hang out with somebody in your situation, but I don’t really go out and do things. I have only stayed out past 8 for non-school reasons once.</p>