I’m currently going to a commuting campus from a larger university, and at first I thought it was a great idea from the smaller class sizes and saving money etc. until I realized that the strain my parents are putting on me with rules are even stricter than they were when I was in high school. My senior year of high school, I have a very late curfew of around 12/1ish, where now I have a boyfriend and I can only stay at his house until 10 and then I have to drive home cause I’m “not a safe driver” even though I’ve been driving for almost 3 years. I’ve never been in a car crash. My other friends who come home for winter break sleep over their boyfriends houses cause their parents recognize they are adults, however my parents think I’m still a teenager because the word teen is in 19. That 21 is considered an adult. Therefore because I live under their roof and I don’t have straight A’s, I have strict curfews and places I can go when and where. I already don’t have many friends at school, so when I’m not at school I’m either locked in my bedroom or at work, and they complain I’m missing out on life and I should do something. However when I ask to hang out with my boyfriend, it’s “home by 7!” When I ask if I could change the rules, they say that I’m still living under their roof and they’re paying for my college (even though I really am) and that when I go up to the new campus I can do whatever i want. What does where I sleep determine if im treated like a child or an adult? I’m going crazy here, and I’m slowly getting pretty depressed being locked up in this tower. Can someone please give me a good argument or advice on what I should do?
They are covering your room and board. Their house, their rules. You want to call the shots, then you need to support yourself.
It sounds like you will eventually transfer to the other college campus. Then you will be more able to do what you want to.
I do think “home by 7” is a bit excessive, maybe you could try and bargain with them by doing chores, getting high grades etc.
I don’t think most parents would let guys sleep over, actually. My family and I are American, but of Italian, Spanish & Persian background. Traditionally, that would be seen as disrespectful to the parents. My friends’ parents are from all sorts of backgrounds, but share the same views. Even if it’s common among your peer group, it doesn’t mean it’s the norm.
Sometimes it’s helpful to let go of the tug-of-war rope. That can sometimes surprise your opponent, who then stops pulling and struggling. It would be great if you and your parents could step out of the conflict and enjoy your time together. You may be able to reach a level of greater trust – perhaps by finding some aspects of your studies that you find rewarding, that you can be enthusiastic about (grades aren’t everything!), and maybe negotiating with them. Train them to trust you. (That takes patience.) It sounds like you have a strong character; that will take you far in life.
Sorry but your parents need to learn to cut the cords a bit. You are a legal adult & as I’ve told my kids you can now go to adult jail.
My oldest, S/22 will be moving back home in May for grad school. We have convinced him it is far better to live at home vs on his own. Rent for a 2 bedroom will run $1500-$2000 for him & a friend. Or he can live at home, pay ya a couple hundred a month as a thanks for paying my bills, feeding me, he can get a job, pay for grad school, and begin saving a for a house with a cushion in savings.
Rules: no girls overnight & no sex in my house. It’s disrespectful to his parents. If you won’t be home for dinner let me know so I don’t waste food. Come & go as you please no curfew.
My middle S/20 lives at home with the same rules. He has his own business plus is taking 21 units. He will most likely be moving 2 hrs away next yr for college. He has 2 yrs before we would ask him to begin paying a couple hundred a month.
Youngest D/ just turned 18, senior in hs. Along with 5 ap classes she dances pre professional ballet 6 days/wk. she has very little free time. Boyfriend is freshman in college & comes home every other week. Her weekend curfew is 11 (unless they are doing something special). He spends a lot of time at our house, he must leave by 11, not allowed in the room although there have been times he has gone in with permission with door open.
Over the summer her schedule will open up. She will be given more freedom over the summer and by the start of college will have the same rules as her brothers.
She is a girl, things are different with girls, we will not openly say she can have the same rules but if she opts not to come home at night she is an adult.
Our bottom line is even with our D all 3 are legal adults. They can choose to do something I ask or not. If they choose not to than we can choose to tell them it’s time to move out.
You are an adult. You have the choice to make your own decisions. You parents have no right to make you be home by 7. I would try to impress on them that you have a great track record, tell them you will let them know if you will be home & what time.
Just remember if you step on their toes to hard they may give you the ultimatum our house our rules or goodbye.
I don’t feel your parents are being realistic.
Why can’t the boyfriend hang out with you at your house, so you can hang out past 7 pm.