<p>My daughter is a freshman first let me say she has lots of friends at home and at all of the places such as camps and such over the years, she is very outgoing. We have spoken about it, she joined a sorority, which hasnt turned out as she hoped, she loved the orientation and getting to know the girls, but it seems as if once she became an active member they totally changed and now dont really have much to do with her, which is breaking her heart. She has tried to make friends in class, but most have already paired up and dont seem to be friendly, she has assured me she is really trying. She had 3 roomates, the one she really got along with , was caught stealing last semester so she is gone, another is a loner who stays in her room, the other goes to her relatives house and stays 98% of the time. She has tried so many things to get friends, I suggested maybe she transfer to a different smaller school, she said no way, she would be a failure to leave. She has been open to all of my suggestions of things to try, and has tried them but to this point with no success. It hurts me to see her hurting, I really need some suggestions for her to try. Any suggestions and help would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>Ok, tell us a little more about what type of school she’s at. Small, large, catholic, liberal arts, etc.? What is her intended major? Does the school have an imbalance of males to females (either direction)? Also what type of person is collectD? Does she typically have mostly female friends, or is she more likely to have male friends? Is she shy or aggressive? Feminine and dainty or tomboy? Religious or in-your-face atheist?</p>
<p>Has she volunteered, joined clubs beyond the sorority? Inter mural sport, campus leadership, drama clubs, there are lots of other places to meet peole besides class rooms. Is he good at a subject, can he tutor or help othe students? Have her look t the schools clubs,newspaper, yearbook, political, religious, etc. There for sure will be some group and even if she’s the Newbie, that’s okay.</p>
<p>I’m finding it nard to believe that everyone in the sorority totally changed. Does she have a big sister or family line in the sorority? Has she reached out to those girls?perhaps something happened she hasn’t shared with you?</p>
<p>Tell her to become involved in a political campaign…local, state or national. She will meet like minded students, together with folks in the community from all walks of life. I credit the Jimmy Carter campaign for getting me through my totally friendless first semester of college. (A mom in the office also loaned me a coat when it got cold faster than I thought it would.)</p>
<p>I know that it can seem like a real let down after initation and you become active, as often you no longer the get special programming and attention that you did as a new member. This is actually quite a common complaint. Best thing for your daughter if she is still involved in her sorority, or wants to be, is to maybe volunteer for a leadership position in the chapter, or work on an intramural/ Greek week / philanthropy event/activity. She should also try and spend more time at the house (meals, TV nights) and go to events (socials, community service etc). </p>
<p>I didn’t really have close friends until sophomore year, and that included my sorority sisters, club sport team mates and classmates. It was Christmas of sophomore year before I could call them close friends… I would tell her “you will get out what you put in” but that sometimes things just take their own time…</p>
<p>Best of luck to her, I remember that feeling of being lonely even when I knew a lot of people and was really involved…</p>
<p>If her dorm has a dining hall, try sitting with some different groups to meet people.</p>
<p>She might try to find clubs or other activities that she is truly interested or has some experience in. That way even though things are underway already by this time in the year, she will be able to have input based on her interest or experience. The best way is to join stuff outside of the sorority or classes. It sounds like the sorority is falling into the typical stereotypes that sororities sometimes do-- exclusive and full of “mean girls…”</p>
<p>The sorority should be her number one focus when it comes to finding a pathway to get through this. She needs to go to her VP of new membership and confess that she is feeling left out and needs some support. They SHOULD rally around her. She may be unknowingly giving off a “vibe” of “all is well” and no one may realize she is feeling lonely. She may not find that she is a match for everyone in her chapter, but there have to some girls that she has a connection with. I know it is not easy to go to an officer and tell they you need help, but helping herself is her best bet.</p>
<p>A good way to get to know people is in a study group. Or ask one other person to be a study buddy. Lots of time working together = getting to know someone pretty well.</p>
<p>My D had a terrible time making friends as a freshman. When she went back for sophomore year, this strategy worked well for her:</p>
<p>The first and most important thing was to resist the comfortable habit of staying holed up in her room. Instead, starting the very first day back, she took a book out to the dorm lounge and just sat down to read (a novel, so it was obvious she wasn’t studying and was available for socializing). Several people said Hi as they passed, and one stopped for a minute to chat. Next day, she took her book to the coffee shop, where someone she vaguely knew brought their coffee over to her table. Over the first week, she took her book to the laundry room, then to the library, the student union, a bench on the quad, and so on. Just any place she could think of where a lot of people would be walking by. Not every attempt was successful. But by the end of that week, she had spoken to a lot of people and gotten an invitation to have lunch at the dining hall, and another to an evening event on campus (which in turn led to an invitation to a party where she met more people). In fact, that week she met the guy who is now her boyfriend. The ice was finally broken.</p>
<p>The reason she thinks this method worked so well was that it put her “out there” without making it look like she was desperately trolling for friends. And it was low-pressure – people who stopped by could make the interaction as short or as long as they wanted to.</p>