<p>My daughter is a freshman and has been on campus since Wednesday. Classes do not start for a week. I am not sure why they had them report so early. The college does have their schedule filled with activities. But I think it is too early. It has allowed homesickness to creep in and a feeling of being alone. I think this will improve once her true college schedule kicks in.
My issue is that my daughter says she doesn't seem to fit in with any group or is making friends as quickly as others. She said it seems all the girls are grouped up and she is alone. She is normally very social and is even on the college cheer team but is having a hard time feeling like she isn't alone.
Any suggestions from parents who have been through this? She is crying and spending time alone in her room ( I know that doesn't help her to get out and make friends.)
Thanks for any advice.</p>
<p>Typically things will be better once classes start. It might be reassuring to both you and your daughter to look at posts a year ago in the College Life forum. Until October, there were literally a dozen or more posts a day of people hating the school, having no friends, thinking of leaving, etc.
Come November, these posts slowly stopped.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter there are others like her. Not everyone is able to make friends in such a short period. Things will get better. It’s a shock to people that had many friends in HS.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice and it is hard to not be physically close to just even give a hug. I will def. check the old posts out :)</p>
<p>Sorry to hear this. Sometimes it takes a little longer to find your “group”. I would just encourage her to get out of her room and force herself to get out there and meet people. </p>
<p>Is she in a freshman dorm? If so, odds are she is not the only one in this boat. Maybe encourage her to ask people, “What time are you going down for dinner?” Can I join you guys?", etc. If there are people on her floor who she hasn’t met yet, encourage her to introduce herself to them when she sees them in the hallway or if they have their doors open (or if she is in her room, leave her door open…people will stop by to say hi.) Also, maybe she can plan something with her cheer teammates: to go get dinner or Starbucks or whatever after practice?</p>
<p>Just throwing out some ideas. I agree that once classes start she will be out there more and exposed to more people. Then she might find people in her classes or her major that she wants to study with, etc.</p>
<p>Your daughter will be fine. The “friendships” formed during orientation week typically don’t last much beyond that and are created out of necessity since so many freshmen feel isolated and desperately grasp on to anyone that so much as waves at them. </p>
<p>When school formally begins, the currently dormant clubs will start up again. There your daughter can meet people with similar interests in all years, and will likely feel far less socially isolated. In the meantime, suggest to your daughter that she acts overly friendly as most freshmen are interested in meeting new people during orientation week.</p>
<p>Your daughter was likely the queen bee type in H.S. The friends are there. They’re just not buzzing around. More than likely she will have to rise up the ranks of hive before she is back to being a queen bee and having friends buzzing around. BTW Most kids, during their first week of college, would kill to be part of a major EC like Cheer. She is fortunate to already be part of something. Most frosh are not. GL</p>
<p>Suggest that she go to any and all activities organized for her dorm or hall. Also remind her that while it seems like everyone else has groups of friends already, most of those kids just met each other this week. So now is a good time to sit down with them, join in, and try to become part of the group.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great ideas and I will encourage her to try them 
I am sure emotions of all freshmen, even the guys, are running high right now. It’s just talking them through this and encouraging them. That’s what us parents are for and I appreciate all the wonderful suggestions.</p>
<p>I like the suggestion from intparent. It will be hard for her to try because she usually waits for invitations to things as to not intrude or overstep boundaries. But I agree that now is the time to join in. Thanks</p>
<p>Tell her that the groups she perceives to be forming are really just girls clinging to one another for security. These groups won’t last. I always advised my own children to hang back a little when they are in unfamiliar circles of teenagers. She will find her “tribe”, it will just take a little time.</p>
<p>OMG…Harvestmoon!! I told her the same thing lol I know a lot of it is sheer physical and emotional exhaustion too.</p>
<p>I bet things will be fine in a few weeks. Then next year you can update your post to calm all the new freshman parents 
</p>
<p>If your D has a lot of extra time, it’s probably a fine time to check out the gym… maybe even do a workout or aerobics class.</p>
<p>Remind your D that she can talk to her RA on her dorm floor for advice about how to get through this time before classes start. I also recommend she go watch sports teams practicing, since this is a great way to also meet upper classmen who liked the school enough to return! If she will be getting a job on campus, she could wisely start looking, dropping into offices to introduce herself, etc. She will have to take it upon herself to create relationships, they may not come running to her like high school if she was very popular there. She may have to work a bit harder. Remind her to envision what she wants college to be like, and then go out and make it happen!</p>
<p>Im wondering if it has been a very, very, long time since your daughter has had an opportunity to meet new people without her friends around.
She may just be rusty at it, if she hasn’t had the need for a while.
I really doubt she is the only one not in a group, but she may not notice the other students who are not, any more than those in the hastily formed cliques did.
Does she have a roommate?
That may make things tougher, if she doesnt.
What my D did at her lac,( she had a single) was to make a spinney wheel on her door, that indicated whether she was " in", whether she could be disturbed, or where she was on campus & when she would return.
Her friends found it very helpful, even though one boy patiently waited outside her door for quite a while, but she wasn’t even there!</p>
<p>Now that I think about it that way, emeraldkity4, she really hasn’t had to meet a lot of new people. She had a bf for almost 2 years, that relationship ended when she went to college, and a few close friends. She probably is rusty and doesn’t know where to start or how to try and invite (include) herself with a group without seeming pushy.</p>
<p>Being rusty happens! I can admit I never really had to “make” new friends in HS and the like. My best friend (still is) and I had known each other since we were 9 and we cheered competitively 5 days a week from the time we were like 7-18. I cheered high school with the same girls I cheered comp with so it was just given friendships - I never really had the time of “making” new friends. When I got to college it was hard, but it comes! Tell her it will get better with time, and that it is quite true that orientation week friendships fizzle when people go different ways for clubs and stuff!</p>
<p>(I was in a similar situation, freshman, lonely, and on the cheer team)</p>
<p>At my son’s dorm, the doors had spring to stay always closed. When the new students were in their rooms at the beginning of the year they’d make a point to use a bungee cord to hold the doors open, encourage interaction.</p>
<p>When my child went off to college (and we live 3K miles away) I purchased $20 giftcards to local places (a coffee shop; movie theatre; custard place; ice cream place) All places unique to the college town that we did not have. I sent them once a week with a note such as “hey check out this place I heard it’s good and why don’t you invite someone to go with you”. I made the amount large enough so they could take a “new friend” with them. I also made sure they had a way of getting to the place (bike; walking or bus). </p>
<p>It helped them learn their new surroundings and gave them a reason to get out. They got to invite a new friend which helped in the friendship dept. Also see if there is an insominia cookie place near her campus. insomniacookies.com I sent a dozen to the dorm which they delivered late at night and my child invited everyone to have some which was a good icebreaker. </p>
<p>Encourage your daughter to find out if they have an involvement fair or club day and tell her she has to sign up for 3 things. My child did that and is still active in those organizations 3 years later.</p>
<p>Hang in there. What your daughter is feeling is very common and as others reported a very common posting each year. By Oct she will be fine. If it gets worse then see if you can send an email to her RA telling the RA what is going on and asking her to look in on her. If you can be sure to visit for parents weekend that way she will have a date certain when she knows you are coming for a visit.</p>
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<p>This.</p>
<p>However, it does always make me think of the one big exception that I know of–my mom and the first person she met at college (and vice versa)–they’re still best friends almost 40 years later. :)</p>
<p>This is normal. You both need to just tough it out.</p>