<p>Hi all,</p>
<p>I'm new to CC, although I tend to lurk rather than post. Like the rest of you here, I'm a transfer student currently attending a California Community College, attempting to transfer to a CSU campus by next fall. </p>
<p>My question is: has anyone else been suffering from heightened depression and/or depression symptoms while waiting for admissions decisions? I myself suffer from both depression and obsessive compulsive disorder, so I struggle with maintaining a stable mood every day (although some days are harder than others). Since I've applied to several CSU campuses, however, my depression and anxiety have been skyrocketing. It's becoming tougher and tougher to make it through a week without any decisions. I do see a therapist regularly and take medication, so please note that I'm just seeking advice from students going through a similar situation (or any who have words of wisdom to share).</p>
<p>For more detail, I'm a history major with a 2.94 cumulative GPA, pretty much a 3.0. I'm in my third year at a CCC. I'm doing wonderfully in my classes right now. I'm on the Dean's List and have been for the past three semesters. I will be presenting at the HTCC Honors Research Conference later this month that will take place at UCI, and I've applied to present at a similar conference at Stanford University that will occur in May. I maintain a history and classic film blog that is nearing 3,000 followers and its one year anniversary. Last semester, I put in 12-13 hours of studying math in every day for a few days in order to place into college-level math, which I successfully placed into. I've maintained a semester GPA of 3.75 for the past three semesters as well. I've been taking a consistent full load of challenging courses. My major's requirements are completed with good grades (As and Bs), and I'll be applying for CSU General Education certification at the end of the semester depending on which campus I am accepted at. My professors adore me and love hearing me participate in class. Believe it or not, I relate way more to them and their lives than I do to other students. Other classmates even make fun of me for being so involved in my schoolwork, for participating in class, and for being an all-around nerd. I have a very deep, lifelong passion for history, a passion for learning and have grown to value my education and its purpose. I have no social life apart from my relationship because I spend most of my time, including weekends, working on schoolwork. I myself cannot wait for upper-division work, for forging deeper connections with other history students and faculty, and I have started to feel like my time at my current school is up. I'm not being challenged anymore. </p>
<p>However, my first year and a half of college wasn't nearly as good as my last year and a half has been. My OCD and depression were much more severe back then. Concentration was nearly impossible to sustain. I was also involved in an abusive relationship that I unfortunately put before my schoolwork, and spent time with people who treated me poorly and disrespectfully. I neglected my schoolwork during my first semester, landing myself on academic probation. I luckily managed to reach a GPA around 2.4-2.5 during Spring 2009, but continued to do poorly in a few classes, and stellar in others. I kept this up until the end of Fall 2009. By Spring 2010, I received a much-needed swift kick in the behind (I pretty much thought, "What am I doing with my life?!"), started my life over from scratch, cutting out the negative and abusive people in my life. Since then, I've enjoyed so much success (as I previously wrote) and have struggled to accept my past for what it is, although I do understand that back then I was much more naive, ignorant, and disorganized than I am now. I've blossomed as an individual (and hey, who doesn't change a lot between being 18 and being nearly 21?) but my self-confidence has been falling apart with this entire admissions process. I've been so depressed lately.</p>
<p>I've applied to CSU Fullerton, SDSU, CSU San Marcos, and CSULB. I sadly didn't make the second admissions round at CSULB, and I know my chances for SDSU are very slim due to the service area boundaries. CSU Fullerton is my top choice. They have a fantastic history department. I also live and attend a college within their service area, and it's a perfect commuting distance from home for me. I also know several people, including my boyfriend, who attend there and like it. However, I must make it known that I don't want to attend solely because others I know go there. I've heard wonderful things about their history department for years and have aspired to attend there for the last two years of my undergraduate career, then proceed (hopefully) to UCLA for grad school. I was accepted at CSUF as a senior back in high school for the same major, but did not attend as I had originally planned to attend SFSU, which did not happen in the end for personal and financial reasons. </p>
<p>I do meet CSUF's minimum requirements for both my major and for local transfer students. However, I am absolutely terrified. I've been pretty much sleeping with one eye open ever since I applied. I am praying and hoping that I get in even with a 2.94 GPA. I know this might sound silly to some of you, but looking back on where I started my college career from, it's tough not to imagine admissions counselors just shaking their heads at my transcript, despite my progress and upward trend in grades and achievement. I feel like a failure deep down. I'm scared I won't get in anywhere, especially after being denied by CSULB. I work extremely hard, and sometimes put schoolwork first before taking care of my health because I can't imagine ever neglecting my schoolwork like I used to. For me, as weird as it sounds, being accepted at a school is like being forgiven for my past. The waiting game is growing harder and harder to endure. I've spent time talking with one of my professors, who is also the director of the honors department, who has encouraged me to be a little more confident with my achievements and has told me that I have nothing to worry about. I've been told that I'm intelligent and bright. Even my peers tell me that I shouldn't worry so much, but it's tough. It really is. I'm currently working on this in therapy and it's not easy. I can't stop comparing myself to other applicants and students who already attend four-year schools. I always question if I'm working hard enough. I basically feel like I can't rest and relax until I get an acceptance notification. Am I truly over-thinking this? I don't know how I can stop worrying. I'm a total perfectionist. It's hard being less than perfect for me.</p>
<p>I know that a lot of you are in a similar situation, and I seriously wish the best for all of you. It's so scary to think about transfer admissions without thinking about budget cuts, comparing myself to others, and over-working myself. My stress levels are really high these days. I've literally worried myself sick. I've cried myself to sleep on many nights, and on other days, I have little desire to get out of bed. I finally scraped up enough confidence to post my stats here and discuss my situation. </p>
<p>I just feel like I've grown up so much as both a student and a person within the last year, and I am praying that the admissions officers can infer that even if it's just from my transcripts. Sometimes, I feel like I'm applying to Harvard rather than my local CSU. I'm always competing to be the best that I can, even with my past in mind. The stress is becoming difficult to tolerate. I'm trying to find other ways besides therapy to cope during the waiting period. Would anyone be able to share any constructive advice or any encouragement?</p>
<p>Thank you so much guys. Good luck to you all! :)</p>
In high school, I really f***** up my grades (especially in 11th and 12th grade). I was in this horrible cycle of depression where it would lead to bad grades because I couldn’t stay focused and it would repeat itself. I was crushed back then when I applied to all the schools I had aspired to go to and was rejected, even though I knew it would happen. Now I’ve realized, I did the best I could with my circumstances. Just accept yourself, mistakes and all, and know that you did good for yourself ultimately. </p>