I’m at a gigantic state school and having a very hard time. I’ve been here 4 months and have not been happy a day here. I get two go home on weekends sometimes but that is the only thing I ever have to look forward to. I hate my school (yes, I visited, but I don’t know what happened) and I really want to go to a smaller school closer to home where I can live at home for a while. I feel like I need to just get my feet back on the ground and I need to address some mental/physical health things. I want to change my major (not sure to what yet exactly) and I am having an overall bad time. I’ve joined clubs and gone to things and have made an effort (please don’t lecture I get enough of that) but I have no friends. I sometimes go days without talking to anyone and cry myself asleep most of the time.My classes have 400 people so I never sit next to the same person twice. My roommate wants nothing to do with me (this is my 2nd, first one was a problem). I call my parents crying everyday because I can’t help it and they get upset with me. I’m completely unmotivated to even get up in the morning, let alone put on nice clothes or exercise. I keep losing weight here because I am so upset I can’t even eat. My parents are very concerned about this but they keep sending me back. I feel like a prisoner here. Really, I just want to go home. I am so lonely and depressed and miserable here. My parents refuse to let me go home and take a semester at home. My ideal plan would be to take classes at the college near my home, get a job too, figure out my major and what my move is for the next year. I really just need some family support right now and I need them to help me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this before going insane. My mom said herself that I’m in a downward spiral to nowhere. What do I do, somebody please help me.
Please get to the counseling center at your school ASAP. You need outside help with what appears to be serious depression.
I recently went and was told I am not depressed, somehow.
You should go back to the counseling center. Explain it to them like you explained it here. Take a deep breath. Many people have similar problems as freshmen. I know that means nothing to you right now but you need to talk your feelings out with a professional. You need to be your own advocate in this situation. Winter break is almost here. Maybe take that time and really sit and speak to your parents about how you are feeling. Hang in there.
I just got off the phone with them and they just keep telling me to stick it out and that
i should be lucky I am where I am. any thoughts?
OP, I’m having a hard time believing that the counseling center told you this. ^^ That just doesn’t ring true of a counseling center, given what you’ve said here. The whole “I should be lucky where I am thing” just doesn’t make sense. Have you actually gone and seen a counselor? Or are you saying that is what your parents said? This is confusing.
OP, please go back to the counseling center or get into see a therapist ASAP.
my daughter is going through the exact same thing. At a small school in the middle of NYC, which she hates. We live in the southwest. She came home for the weekend and almost didn’t get back on the plane. This year is hard in some way for probably 90 percent of students. Much harder if the school is not a good fit, or if you are introverted or prone to depression. My daughter has been to four counseling sessions, which have been minimally helpful. She is depressed. She is homesick. She thinks maybe she made the wrong choice. It is okay to think that. You can undo these types of choices. You can take a semester off. Maybe you can see a psychiatrist and take a medical leave. You can even drop out for a longer time period and slow down and figure it out. It is OKAY not to take a straight four year in-and -out path. You have options. For now, ty your best to get through the semester so that maybe you can salvage some credits out of all your hard work. Find a parent or relative or therapist that will listen and help you get clarity. But I can’t promise you will know what to do by the time winter break is over. You just have to keep moving through this and try to find a better place. I feel for you!
Why do you think your parents aren’t hearing you? What is the family dynamic? This is why outside professional help is good. You need this perspective. Please take a moment when you are feeling well to make a crisp plan. Whom will you call/where could you go if you are feeling suicidal?
First, you should go back to counseling and ask to speak to someone different. You mentioned losing weight, and in a different thread you said something about an eating disorder. Ask to talk to someone who has experience with eating disorders as well as depression. It is hard for shy people to call attention to themselves, but you need to do this–it’s your right as a person to get help right now.
Second, with respect to your parents’ response: I’m going to guess that your issues did not start the day you went to college. If that’s the case, I can imagine that your parents were really hoping that things would get better when you went off to college and started to have new experiences in a new environment. It can be very hard for parents to acknowledge that things are not “all right” with with their kids, and it’s never easy when hope has to be tempered with understanding that a problem is still there (or a new problem has appeared). Perhaps they really believe, or are hoping, that if you can just tough out the initial rough start, then things will get better. And they fear that if you go home now, then you’ll throw away your chance to be happy and “normal.” So don’t hate them or blame them–they really do want you to be happy. However, it really does sound as if you need a more personal environment than you face at state school, and furthermore, you probably knew this even before you arrived at this large state school. So after you talk to the counselor, you should plan for a different kind of conversation with your parents. Try to acknowledge their concerns, stress that you really want to succeed, and that you have thought carefully about your future. You can share the advice you received from the counselor to make your case–sometimes parents need to hear this to understand what’s really going on with their kids. See if you can negotiate a plan. For example, you could agree that you will finish the current term and apply for transfer, and maybe live at home and work until next fall. Or you might be able to agree that you’ll finish the year–but with an understanding that you will be allowed to transfer at the end of the year if you choose. It might be hard for you to get the following point across (or even to believe it yourself), but stress that you’re not “giving up” and running home; rather, you’re planning a modified college experience, you are thinking about your future, and above all you really tried to make the “family tradition” work but it just isn’t a good fit for you. Ultimately, I think they will agree.
But above all, go back to counseling and get help, tomorrow.
@suzy100 I’m pretty sure OP was responding to the post right before theirs, which said to talk to their parents over break, so the “stick it out” was from the parents.
Yes, I explained to them how I want to take a semester of classes at home and get a job to figure out what I am doing next but they absolutely will not have it.
I went through the exact same thing. Went off to college super excited and realized I hated everything about it and being away from home. Luckily, when I presented the option of transferring to my parents, they were excited.
Mention to your parents that it’ll be cheaper and easier if you’re back at home. Explain what you explained here. You’re physically sick, and you can’t help that. Give them examples of when you tried to make the best of the situation and couldn’t. Push comes to shove? See a doctor, get them to somehow provide evidence to your parents that you need to not be at that school anymore.
It’s probably not that they’re neglecting you. They’re probably chalking it up to nervousness and lite homesickness. They assume you’ll get over it like most freshman do after their first semester. If you’re anything like me, you KNOW you’re not getting over it. Be stern and straight-forward. You won’t do well at this school if you hate it, it’ll be a waste of money.
Good luck to you!