My parents are huge fans of my school, a large Big 10 football school where my whole family went and some are there now. However I hate it. coming here was easily the worst mistake of my life. I am extremely depressed here. I do not eat much, cannot sleep, cry all the time because I hate it here THAT much. They’ve been considering letting me leave in the fall but tel me to still schedule classes because maybe over the summer I will magically decide to come back to place that makes me literally want to die. They are so infatuated with this place for some reason and cannot realize that I need to make my decision for myself. It is hard to just tell them no or make this choice without their support as they are paying for my college. I have explicately told them I am deeply depressed here but they still cannot wrap their minds around the idea of me leaving even though it is KILLING ME. please any advice as to what I can say do anything is appreciated
I have presented them my options and showed them I’m completely in control of everything needed to get me out of here. I have that all under control.
They’ll get over it – I’m sure they’d much prefer having a happy/healthy/alive kid.
I I know they’ll get over it eventually but how do I get them to support me right now?
So here’s the thing. My kid has been accepted to our alma mater. Do we want him to go? Absolutely. But you are right, it has to be your choice because it is your college experience. So it is a lot of work to stay “neutral” in the college decision analysis. So cut them a tiny bit of slack.
But you have to figure out why you don’t like it and how much it has to do with “that’s where everyone in your family has gone.” Sure, sign up for next semester but also plan on where you would transfer. Really have it thought thru. Then an adult conversation with mom and dad would be in order.
You are saying a lot of things that may be symptoms of depression, pretty significant depression. Also the number of times you say die or that it’s killing you is concerning. Please make an appointment at your counseling center, talk to the counselor about possibly helping you talk to your parents in a way that they can hear you, and include your parents in an appointment if that’s feasible, over Skype if necessary. You’ll have to give your counselor consent to include your parents.
You need to be sure you are transferring for the right reasons. What will be different at a new school? I don’t doubt you are unhappy, but I agree you need to see a counselor right away to figure out why you hate your school so much.
Give your parents solid reasons about why other schools are better choices for you. Have a list of schools ready. Wht does school X have that you can’t get at your current school? Frame it in terms of why another school is better for you, not why your current school is wrong. You really need to get transfer apps done now, because I think transfer deadlines for fall are imminent.
I agree that you sound depressed, and in fact, you might want to consider a year or a semester off. I think you need to see a counselor and get a diagnosis, or at least several sessions of therapy. Meanwhile, please just bear with it. College will be done in less than two months. You can get through this and you will be a better person for finding some strength within yourself. I know it seems like forever, but this is a blip in your life. It won’t always be like this. Good luck.
Great advice from @NorthernMom61. OP, from your other threads it appears that you’ve struggled with depression pretty much the whole time you’ve been at college. Have you seen a counselor? I don’t think anything is going to change until you address that.
Have you done the transfer apps? If you have and know where you are going, just wait it out. When you don’t magically change your mind over the summer, it’s over.
Just make sure you look after your own mental health in the meantime. Maybe tell you parents you want to see a therapist bc the pressure of the expectation to be there is harming you and you want to talk it out. Perhaps that will get them to back off and you can actually talk it out with someone to be sure you are ready to transfer instead of sit out a semester before. Good luck.
I agree with other who talk of depression…you have to get that addressed first. Talk to the counseling center or make an appt with your doctor or a psychiatrist.The new college or the old college can wait.
We recommend that because we have seen other stories here on CC of kids showing signs of depression and are convinced it is the school, but then transfer only to find they have the same issues .
Thank you all for your help and compassion. I’ve been talking a lot with them and though they’re still holding high hopes that I’ll come back in the fall, they seem to accept that i won’t be in reality. Taking a year or time off isn’t acceptable to them but as of now my plan is to complete a year at community college to get my associates and figure out what’s next. I’ll be living st home which I think will help with a lot of my mental health being around a support system and definitely lessens my anxiety (which largely comes just from thinking about having to return to a place that makes me this miserable). I will being seeing a physiatrist to be further directed to the help I need. Thank you all for your compassion