<p>Does this sound familiar? NYT link:</p>
<p>My freshman D arrived home today. Within one minute (literally) after she walked through the door, she got a call from another freshman friend (home from another school) to make arrangements for the evening. My D was actually surprised that the communication happened this fast and apologized to us. But....she's out tonight.</p>
<p>I was looking forward to seeing my S on Tuesday after his last class which ends at 1pm. Just heard that he is staying on campus so he can have another dinner with his friends. Patience, mom. :(</p>
<p>great article!<br>
thanks for passing it along - so true (esp. the part about worrying again when they're not home at 2 am, even while you realize that at school, they probably go OUT at 2 am!)</p>
<p>Early rising mom, up at 5:00 am here. Cross paths with DS at 5:27am - who, of course, has never been to bed. Whatever adaptations we imagine - eg, they won't go to bed until 3 am - they seem to exceed.</p>
<p>Oh we've been doing this for years!
Grad school D,flying home tonight announced last evening on the phone the "need" to see an ex boyfriend from undergrad who is here in NY and leaving on Tues,so she's now unavailable on Sunday night and Monday..just threw all the plans up in the air in my oh so carefully scheduled week before Christmas (for example...oh Mommy please wait till I get home to buy the tree..we always all go together...).And we've had plenty of those "ships passing in the night"occurences with me waking up and her coming home.......</p>
<p>Absolutely predictable. College senior son got home Wed night, the only reason we've seen him up til now is that his friends aren't home yet.</p>
<p>My son is a plebe at West Point. His "homeboys" are all back too. The only reason we see our son is that he has a 60 inch HDTV in his attic room (bought it from his summer earnings) and his room has become the videogaming and movie center for him and his buddies. He stays up til all hours and sleeps til noon plus every day. Given the regimentation he has at school - e.g. getting up at 5 a.m. to clear the waste on his barracks floor - we give him all the slack he wants when he's home.</p>
<p>We learned to set some ground rules in order to survive the craziness of my kids' visits home from school:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>No curfews of course, but we still need to know generally where they are and when they can be expected home. If plans change, make a phone call--anytime, day or night. At first, they balked, saying "but when I'm away, you don't know where I am". But we explained that its different when they're away, because you aren't left wondering and worrying when they don't come come. ALL family members living together (parents AND older kids) owe each other the common courtesy of letting each other know roughly their plans.</p></li>
<li><p>The house is not a restaurant. The person making dinner needs to be told by the afternoon whether the kid is going to join us. Its absolutely fine to make other plans, but its rude and inconsiderate not to inform the cook.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Oh, yeah. If my daughter's boyfriend doesn't mind looking at H and me in our night time getups and scary pillow heads, he's more than welcome to stop by past 10 p.m. ;)</p>
<p>
[quote]
1. No curfews of course, but we still need to know generally where they are and when they can be expected home. If plans change, make a phone call--anytime, day or night. At first, they balked, saying "but when I'm away, you don't know where I am". But we explained that its different when they're away, because you aren't left wondering and worrying when they don't come come. ALL family members living together (parents AND older kids) owe each other the common courtesy of letting each other know roughly their plans.</p>
<ol>
<li>The house is not a restaurant. The person making dinner needs to be told by the afternoon whether the kid is going to join us. Its absolutely fine to make other plans, but its rude and inconsiderate not to inform the cook.
[/quote]
</li>
</ol>
<p>My husband and I operate the same way as quoted above. When returning during freshman year our D was almost belligerent about communicating with us in the way that her father and I viewed as a basic courtesy but with each visit she is more aware that she needs to return to "team" mode. Short of her sloppy factor and my OC need for neatness it will be great to have her home.</p>
<p>S doesn't come home until next Wednesday evening. He'll be here about a week, then is flying down to Las Vegas to see grandparents and siblings. His HS counselor called the other day to see if he would participate in an alumni panel next month. The schools has two panels, one in mid-December before winter break and the other in January. College freshmen are invited to share at a lunch-time session with current juniors and seniors. It's a great way for kids to get first-hand information on what college is really like. S would be the only one from an East coast school. He loves to beat the drum about FIT, not prestige. He doesn't return to school until January 14. This is very different for us, as older D had just two weeks each break (quarter system).</p>
<p>Donemom, I can relate, plus feel the same. Been there, still doing that.</p>
<p>Elleneast: "Short of her sloppy factor and my OC need for neatness it will be great to have her home." Oh, do I hear ya!</p>
<p>S has been home a week and has virtually not left the house. He has little interest in his HS friends, almost constant communication with about a dozen college friends (IM, cell, etc.). Though he claims he doesn't feel this way, I happened to see a public posting from some of his friends saying how much they already missed UChicago, and wished it were January so they could get back to school. I'm glad twice, one that he is around home, and two that he has quickly made friends and loves his school and his life there.</p>
<p>The bad news is he has informed us that during the break between winter and spring quarter he and his friends are planning to spend a few days in Southern, CA (can't say I blame them). He did say he would come home first for a day or two. He and some of his friends are also talking about summer school on the east coast, so we are very grateful for this time with him.</p>
<p>D's flight out of Philly was delayed for about 1-1/2 hrs...she ended up on the same flight as our doctor's daughter who was coming home from Cornell! D didn't feel so bad when she had that this student had been on a plane for over 7 hrs! Anyway, D was starving...grabbed a burger on the way home...talked up a storm for 1 hour...then hopped into bed since it was 2 am EST. It was nice to hear all the chatter...and tonight all our college friends and their children will be over for our annual holiday gathering...should be fun. We're good to go...</p>
<p>D has been home for three weeks (thank you, Carleton!). Over Thanksgiving weekend, she was out every day/night seeing local friends, but as soon as they all returned to school, we got her back. She's read a ton of books, sent cookies and notes to her friends taking finals, and spent quality evenings with us. :) Thank goodness we've had this time with her because her friends are now trickling back and she is out the door every evening again.</p>
<p>S is coming home tonight and won't go back for four weeks. I'm wondering if he is going to get a bit bored being away from college that long. He's been so busy up there that, while I'm sure the first couple weeks of little to do will seem great, I'm thinking he might get antsy around week three. </p>
<p>Thanks Donemom for the curfew ideas. I think that asking them to call when plans change is courteous and will ask S to do so. He didn't have the chance over Thanksgiving to stay out late (all night) because he was sick and was only here for a few days. I'm hoping that his transition back to "in-residence member of the family" will not be too jarring for all of us. He values his independence so much and now that he's had an entire semester being his own man, I'm half expecting him to become defensive if I so much as ask where he's going.</p>
<p>"I'm half expecting him to become defensive if I so much as ask where he's going."</p>
<p>Momof2inca: that's the initial reaction I got..and that's when we had the "heart-to-heart" as I outlined above. It's understandable that they need to preserve their sense of newly found independence, but they also need to be able to consider to experience of someone other than thermselves!</p>
<p>Maize&Blue,
Our daughter has the same break time as yours. She came home the Monday before thanksgiving and will be going back just before New Years. Actually doesn't have to be there until the 3rd or 4th but her friend (and ride) wants to go back early. She also spent Thanksgiving time with nearby friends, then read lots of books, got a part-time job and is visiting college friends this weekend. She'll catch up with the HS friends starting Sunday. The long break is a nice time for us, especially the weeks in the middle when we get some family time.</p>