<p>New York Times Article.</p>
<p>Difficult to read, but pretty important stuff. When we left our daughter at school three years ago, there was a very loving, but very firm good-bye from the school's president. We knew the moment had come, and it made me cry. But it was clean, quick, and correct. Good luck, all!</p>
<p>It is indeed difficult to read. I made this mistake last year, despite diplomatic but clear signals from the college. Unlike the students in the story, D didn’t want us to leave, but we should have disentangled ourselves and gone anyway. Hanging around didn’t make it any better for her.</p>
<p>I went to Morehouse’s sister college, Spelman, and we too have a parting ceremony. We stand with our families near the student center; a school official (usually the chapel director/reverend) says a few words and a prayer, and then we separate from our families, line up, and proceed to the chapel, where they have an African-style festival/celebration set up to receive the students. It gives the parents their chance to say their goodbyes while cheering the students up immediately after so they don’t feel depressed. Plus, orientation is about to start, and the school wants the students to start on their owns without their parents showing up at the gates every day.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure students weren’t allowed off campus even with their parents after that until the end of orientation, although I don’t remember for certain (my parents just didn’t come back, since it was clear that they were supposed to go home and I was only 20 minutes away from home anyway).</p>
<p>I am glad that neither of my kids’ colleges proscribed a one-size-fits-all time and method of saying goodbyes. I think it’s up to students and families to figure that out… but then I’ve never been a big advocate of institutionally imposed structures.</p>
<p>Double park the car when unloading – it makes for efficient good-byes.</p>
<p>I really like the way our daughter’s school set up ‘move-in’ weekend for freshman.</p>
<p>There was both student and parent orientation, but we were actually together only a few times. The kids went off and did their thing, and parents met to discuss things most important to us, including our biggest fears and a panel discussion with some of the administrators of the school.</p>
<p>It was a great ‘final chat’ and chance to completely reassure ourselves that our ability to drive away without worries would be complete. </p>
<p>They held a BBQ dinner as the final event right outside the freshman dorm, and after dinner it was time to leave. Even though my husband and I were spending one more night in town before leaving in the morning, we said our last goodbye/good luck that night and went off to our hotel to decompress. We had no intention of stopping at the dorm in the morning.</p>
<p>It actually went much better than I expected. Yes, there were tears…but what made it better was receiving the few text messages that night in our hotel from our daughter, excitedly talking about finally seeing supply lists and making plans to shop with her roommates the next day, as well as the get-together the RA’s had planned. We knew then she’d be just fine without us.</p>
<p>Although there is never the best “one-size-fits-all” approach, I have to think that the broad experience of the schools that “help” the parents off the campus bears some merit. Very similar to the pre-school approach, say good-bye and move on.</p>
<p>I guess I’m in denial, but I don’t find this hard to read at all. I mean, was anyone here planning to stay and attend classes with their kid? As I said in another thread, I prefer the quick pull of the Band-Aid. I was kind of sad when I learned that we would miss the parent events when we drop ds off because of our flight arrangement, but now I’m kind of looking forward to an “off-sked” goodbye. All the hoopla seems like too much. YMMV.</p>
<p>My son has an early move-in (by 1 day) as we have to be in his college city that night for a corporate function. We gave him a choice of come to the event with us (which should be FUN, honestly) or move in that day and have the night with his friends. He actually has a bunch of friends from home, former high schools, summer camps, and college orientation that will all be on campus by then. </p>
<p>While we originally thought we might have breakfast with him the next morning, I’ve been asked to do a secret shop for my husband’s company 45 minutes away – so we probably won’t hang around. And we will miss the Parents Convocation … aw shucks.</p>
<p>My husband travels to his college state, and sometimes his city, almost every week. It’s not like he won’t be able to meet him for dinner or breakfast occasionally. And my brother lives in the close suburbs to the college city … this kid is not being totally set adrift. And he’s 19. He is ready to be out on his own. This last year of high school has been hard from that respect.</p>
<p>The formal good-bye ceremony seems a bit much to me, but then I’ve been good at taking the hint when the schedule says “end of parent orientation.” For D2, we even left her alone in the middle of the day because we had to pick up D3 from camp the same day.</p>
<p>I know I’ll be in the minority here but the ceremonies that have students turning their backs on parents are offensive and insensitive, in my opinion. Further, this is more of the condescending attitude of educators toward parents, one that creeps into our lives earlier and earlier with each child. (One wonders if educators every even consider the possibility that by aggressively pushing parents away, they create helicopter parents.) There is no one size fits all good bye and schools need to be sensitive to the needs of parents as well as the needs of students. Further, it seems to me that these stilted ceremonies are a reaction to the few parents who linger too long or meddle too much as opposed to the vast majority who know how and when to leave.</p>
<p>My parents were in and out of my room from like noon when we got there and probably 9 at night. Had nothing to do with hovering, while I was unpacking they went to target and came back with stuff I’d asked for, then I asked to be taken to dinner (cafeterias werent open yet), then they went out for some more stuff it turns out I needed while I stayed home and met my neighbors, and then my dad was assembling furniture while my mom helped me unpack. I have no idea how it took so long and it was generally ungodly but I’m glad they weren’t rushed out the door while they were still helping me. They left as soon as they weren’t needed anymore, no long teary goodbyes. I unpacked most of my things myself. They were just there to buy things and assemble furniture.</p>
<p>I’m not sure that this is a realistic picture of move-in days and good-by’s for MOST college freshmen, certainly not at large universities where freshman move-in is spread out over a couple of days, and students are assigned a short block of time on one of the days to move in, because the traffic (both vehicular and human) would be unmanageable otherwise - which is actually what they do at the Univ of Minn, one of the schools cited in the article (and our state flagship), as well as at the large private S attends in Boston, and not many parents even bother with the parent reception (no fiormal ceremony, no speeches) unless there will be something cold to drink. By that point, they have already made several trips back and forth to the car in 80-90 degree weather, a couple of trips to Target, fought with cables and screws and nails and bed lifts and lofts, and just want to get the heck out of Dodge. </p>
<p>Many students attending larger schools (and their parents) have also most likely already attended orientations sometime during the summer, whereas many smaller schools may not do student (or parent orientations) until the students arrive in the fall. It looks like Grinnell students move in on a Saturday beginning at 8:00 am but orientation begins that day, just a few hours later, so both students and parents are on separate schedules similar to what other schools do for orientation, and the formal good-by time seems to have little to do with preventing long drawn out good-by’s from the parents (other than perhaps in the mind of the writer). However, I would not find it all that surprising if students attending such schools (and their parents) were to feel a little less prepared to say good-by, if they have not yet gone through any sort of orientation since they may all still be feeling very uncertain and not as prepared for the college transition and what will “come next.”</p>
<p>I’m joining the possible minority section</p>
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<p>along with</p>
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<p>We have orientation for DS on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. The schedule states that the “Parent odyssey concludes” on Thursday at 6:30 PM, and students have a meeting on the honor code at 7:00. I guess we get about 10 minutes for goodbye in between. That’s just as well–there’s no benefit to having me standing around crying in public all evening. I can take care of that back in my hotel room!</p>
<p>Paraphrased from today’s St. Paul paper:</p>
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<p>To me, that’s hilarious! ^^^</p>
<p>This is why the colleges perceive departure ceremonies as necessary.
For both DDs we stayed the day for planned events and left right about dinner time. It was their time to flex their wings.</p>
<p>We went to my D’s orientation in July. The parents and students were separated after breakfast and given different information (which was helpful). The first thing the dean of student life told us was that on move-in day, we were expected to move in and then GO HOME. He kept repeating this (it was pretty funny) and then opened up to questions. The first question was from a mom who asked if parents were invited to the freshman convocation two days later. Everyone laughed, but the dean was a little exasperated when he referred her back to the “go home” part.</p>
<p>I would take offense if my D was ever asked to turn her back on me.</p>
<p>D’s college had a mandatory floor meeting at 8pm on move-in day, which I assume meant “parents - time to leave.” But I had left long before that. I like the “drop and run” technique. Piled stuff into her room, quick hug, promises to text occasionally, and went back to hotel. Grandma and I stayed in town to sightsee a couple days and D called on our last day wanting a ride to BB&B and lunch. So, we got to see her one more time (missed our tour of Mt. Vernon, darn) and everyone left happy. I am not really the sentimental type, obviously.</p>