Students who must attend their safeties

<p>After the tour last week, my daughter has fallen in love with a school where the admissions office told her she’d get in under early admission. She’d drop half the schools at least from her application list if she got in. She’ll be there for 10 days for a science program. It is an excellent choice for her in some dimensions, though not others.</p>

<p>What a great feeling for her, and for you! </p>

<p>It will be interesting in a few months how many of us '11s are saying that our kids DID choose their “safeties” (however defined). </p>

<p>I can’t think of anywhere on my D2’s list that is excellent without some reservation - either cost, size, “prestige” (or name-brand, or whatever we call it - which I don’t care much about, except for the bit about maybe helping in the job market or for grad school), location, etc. Most schools have only 1 or 2 aspects that decrease their “excellence.” Mostly the safeties only lack the brand factor, and are a little big.</p>

<p>D1 is at a school that has been an excellent choice for her, but we did take a big financial hit with it. All of us, including her, wonder if she could have done just as well for less cost. We can’t begrudge her, are just happy it all worked out. But D2 will naturally consider this when she makes her choice.</p>

<p>"It is an excellent choice for her in some dimensions, though not others. " - I think that is rare that a student finds a school that is a perfect fit in all dimensions (and stays so for 4 years), especially if finances are a factory. I’m sure it does happen, but in most cases there are pros/cons trade-offs. </p>

<p>Examples - Small schools are great for individual attention, but there are fewer courses and majors. Schools close to home are lots more convenient, but distant schools offer great opportunity for independence. Intense academics provide execellent education opportunity, but there is a sacrifice in free time for other persuits. For most pros there is a flip-side con. The trick is finding the best balance based on particular situation.</p>

<p>colorado_mom, you are right. It is unlikely that one school will be better than all other schools in every attribute.</p>

<p>I can appreciate what you might be feeling, since your son is at a place that fits him so well, has unquestionable quality (and prestige), and as far as I can tell is financially workable for you (maybe he even got merit money - which would be quite the dream situation). We have some of that with our D1 (except money…oh, well), and I know the feeling of hoping your second can be as happy. Sometimes it’s hard when the second isn’t on quite as clear a path to conventional success.</p>

<p>I’m not trying to put words in your mouth, just relating a bit to a similar situation. I imagine going to a “safety” for a second child whose sibling is at an elite school has a slightly different flavor.</p>

<p>EmmyBet, the “safety” is a very good school but is far away, is not well-known in the US although it produces very successful kids (48 Rhodes scholars for a small-ish school), is in the middle of nowhere (which is good as the kids bonds and they bond strongly and are loyal but bad for some kids), and doesn’t have a large Jewish population (not a problem for everyone and maybe not a big problem for ShawD or us). But, classes are small, professors see themselves as mentors and really put a lot of effort into kids who are strong students. I dropped ShawD off there yesterday for a science program and the undergrad helping the program turned down Harvard to go there and she’s ecstatic about the school. Financially, this would be very inexpensive for us as ShawD is a Canadian citizen and would likely get merit aid as well, possibly significant amounts. ShawSon’s school is a near perfect fit for him (alas, they don’t give merit aid but we’ve been fortunate to have fully saved; being small, there are indeed fewer course offerings; he turned down schools that were perhaps a little higher on the prestige scale for a better fit). ShawD’s current choice feels that way to her. She seems unconcerned about the middle-of-nowhereness. She likes living in Canada and wants to be in a different sort of place. So, to her it feels like a great fit and it may be. I hope it is.</p>

<p>^Oooh, let me guess: Mount Allison? It really appealed to me on paper, but my parents (despite being Canadian citizens themselves) were dead-set against me applying to a school in Canada other than McGill/UT/UBC/Queens, and I wanted an LAC.</p>

<p>Great post Kristen!</p>

<p>The safety school for my son has already reached out to him and specifically mentioned their “outstanding” honors program in a handwritten card from the Dean of Admissions.</p>

<p>Of course he refuses to even think about attending there. I am afraid he has gotten all caught up in the competition among his classmates about who is going to go where and who is going to get accepted where.</p>

<p>I am going to print out your post and have him read it!</p>

<p>Keilaxendra, yup. Why were they dead-set against?</p>

<p>Thanks to CC information, D and I just visited two solid match schools. At first, we did not want to spend the time or money to do so, but we are both very happy we did. D was very enthusiastic about one and pleased with the other, so both will stay on the list, which had been quite reach heavy. Still planning on early app to her dream, but finally “getting” that there are many places where she could be very happy and challenged. Visit those matches and likelies! Now, D will start revising the college essay! Sport starts next week and school starts two weeks after that. YIKES.</p>

<p>shaw - Mainly prestige. It took some convincing for them to ‘respect’ the top LACs here in the U.S., and as you say, MTA is practically unknown in the States. I wouldn’t mind staying in Canada permanently, but my parents do.</p>

<p>Keilexandra, where did you end up going?</p>

<p>Thanks for the comments about my last post. I scribbled it all down in a hurry after work so I’m glad it’s coherent and paints a good picture. I’m thrilled that you enjoyed reading it and hope it will give at least one of your kiddos the thought to check out that safety “just one more time.” It’s been a helluva ride and I have absolutely no regrets.</p>

<p>To Pepper: hellllllllllllllllo your son is a boy kristin5792 four years newer. I went to a prestigoius private school and NO ONE I mean NO ONE went to our big state’s school. That’s where all the kids from lesser schools go–kids that didn’t try hard, didn’t work in high school, skated by without caring about their (fill in the blanks). Anyone who’s anyone is applying to at least one big-name school, and everyone applying to big-name schools talks about it so nonchalantly that you’d think they were debating iceberg or romaine at the grocery store. Teachers don’t help either–especially when it’s “Wow! You got into UVA with the chance of a full ride! That’s incredible! What’s it like!?” and only vaguely mention “Yeah, I figured you’d get into state school, I mean…everyone does.” That’s a huge downer for any kid to deal with. Perhaps your son’s atmosphere is different than mine, but I suspect if he’s thinking he needs to compete with his friends that there are some similar flavors there. </p>

<p>Knowing what he’s up against in terms of peers, teachers, friends’ parents, etc is huge, should he decide to go there–that way he can prepare. Once he’s decided on his safety, it might behoove him to come up with some responses to those types of people so he doesn’t feel like they always “win” when they’re talking. For me, safety school was 120mi from home, and dream schools were 8+hr drives. So it worked to appeal to that side. For example, “Wow! Michigan’s such a great school! Anyone would be lucky to go there! Why’d you go to Missouri?” “Oh yeah, you’re right, Michigan’s awesome and Ann Arbor’s a great college town. But I really love Missouri because it’s only an hour and a half from my house, and my parents are really looking forward to being able to come up for weekend football games. Plus the honors college is awesome–I’m taking practically all honors classes next semester–and I think it will be such a great change of pace to be in a less-competitive environment.” </p>

<p>By coming up with something like that, you’re saying “This is why my new school is great in general” not trying to compete with the school you originally thought you wanted to go to. You’re wasting your breath saying “yeah well really, if you look at it, my school’s program is just as good as your school’s program and you’re really just the idiot paying 3x as much to go there and have a cool name on your coffee mug” Figure out why your school really shines FOR YOU and then focus on telling others about that. Worked for me!</p>

<p>Another thought exercise for your kiddos. Let them compain and moan about safety school. Have them write down all the reasons they don’t want to go there. Then have them find twice as many “pros” as they had reasons to not want to go there. The lists don’t have to be related–maybe you wrote down 7 things about hating academics and student body, you could easily find 14 pros about proximity to home (if you want it), good food, big dorms, less expensive, etc. I think you’ll be amazed how much difference it makes to have those things concretely down. Might even be a fun thing for you guys to do together, or with someone you know who goes to that school and likes it already. </p>

<p>They’ll be great students and wonderful kids no matter where they end up. It’ll just take 'em a little while to realize that! We are just kids, after all :)</p>

<p>Love this thread, bumping to keep alive:)</p>

<p>A few years ago I spoke with a Dad who had spent the better part of a summer hauling his son around to various campuses. They hit Ripon College mostly because it was on the path from Point A to Point B. The kid loved it. He applied, was accepted and continued to love it. He probably could have gone a number of other places. </p>

<p>The dad was mystified. Why Ripon? Dad hadn’t heard of it. There were other places with some of the same offerings. The kid said something like “it just resonates with me.” How wonderful that the young man found the right spot – and that the Dad respected his choice. Neither father nor son is hung up on a big name bumper sticker and that spells win-win for them.</p>

<p>I am a rising senior and I probably will be crushed if I don’t get into any of my match/reach schools. Then again I have a very top-heavy list(maybe 1 serious safety that I most likely will not attend) and the best financial aid I will get will be at my top school. However I didn’t really read to much past your first post, but can’t you apply EA to a bunch of your reaches/matches? Then if you get shot up there, apply RD to more off such list and even add some maybe? I most likely will be applying this way. Your daughter, she probably has much better stats than me but I feel applying early and just knowing your into one of your higher schools, allows weight to be removed off the panic of not getting in any where. And if applying early doesn’t work there still is a good deal of other colleges(hopefully better than your safeties) to look through and apply to.</p>

<p>run2flyfree, many schools do not have an Early Action option. This is especially true of the most selective colleges.</p>

<p>So if it is possible to apply Early Action to your matches and reaches, you are in a good position and you are wise to do so!</p>

<p>I haven’t read this entire thread but I’ve been following it here and there.</p>

<p>During the entire process, D and I were always talking about the fact that no matter where she goes to college, it will be a new experience – and each of the college has it’s pluses and would be different than living at home. She did NOT like the SUNY schools (financial safeties), but we always chatted about how they have the best laundry facilities.</p>

<p>She got in to one of her safeties first - early December, heard from URI, with a very nice scholarship! She felt wanted! At least she knew she had an OOS option and didn’t have to go to Buffalo! In the end, she will be attending one of the schools that was in her top three (but she never put all her eggs in one basket).</p>

<p>S is in a different academic category and definitely will be looking at the much more selective schools. I will have to do a lot more work to find absolute matches and safeties.</p>

<p>The attitidue is key, even during the college search process. S is going to be a HS sophomore. I think I need to start giving him a dose of reality soon…</p>

<p>run2flyfree - Make sure you EA schools allow you to apply EA to other schools. Yale for example has SCEA (single choice early action) so your plan wouldn’t work. Also, some RD applications are due before you would hear from your EA choices. Please make sure you know each schools application requirements and deadlines.</p>

<p>Also, while I don’t wish you any bad luck, I do hope you find some more safety schools that you would be happy at. This whole process is such a crap shoot and often makes little sense.</p>

<p>Yep, there is a big chunk of ego out there for both parents and students at the start of the process. Reality hits in different ways. Sometimes it is the deadline that suddenly is today. Other times it is the happy admission letter that comes with a staggering no aid/all loan cost. </p>

<p>Applying EA can impact financial aid in some situations. Make sure you know the score for each college (they are all independent in their policies). </p>

<p>I recall a senior posting here at CC who chose to only apply to highly selective schools. He sounded like a strong candidate too – and he batted .0000 in admissions. He was went from shopping for the most selective schools to asking where had rolling admissions in April. Don’t ever think that can’t be you. Have a back up plan! Have two!</p>