<p>*If teens can’t even decide where they would potentially like to go to college, how are they ready to even live on their own? *</p>
<p>I dunno. I was pretty dang clueless when I was 18. That’s how I ended up majoring in Medieval and Renaissance Studies at Hippie U. (a/k/a New College of Florida). It’s a miracle that I eventually landed in a career (totally unrelated to my major, natch).</p>
<p>DS #1 has a lot more on the ball than I had at his age, but he still left a lot of the research up to me. He wrote tons of app essays, and I pretty much did the rest. He made the final decision, but finances entered into it big-time, and that meant we Parental Units were (necessarily) involved, since we were (are) footing the bill.</p>
<p>Both DS #1 and we Parental Units learned a lot from the college-app experience: to wit, narrow your choices down to schools that offer a lot of merit aid, because, in this nutty economy, that’s all you can afford.</p>
<p>Also, Americans tend to want our kids to mature fast and own their fates early in life. In much of Asia, it is common for children to stay at home and make decisions with their parents into their 20s. Not all children mature at the same rate. Some are ready for owning big decisions, some not. Just like some will marry at 21 and some at 31. </p>
<p>So, yes, some of us fly helicopters and won’t let go, but others are making sure they are raising skilled pilots before they hand over the controls.</p>
<p>DS most certainly participated, even driving the train when it came down to his final list and his final decision. </p>
<p>What he never did is look or post on College Confidential, where I, on the other hand, got a bit of advice and interaction with others figuring out the same process we were in as a family. DS doesn’t care for the forum and cannot figure out why anyone posts their stats here, even as his are fabulous.</p>
<p>I think it is an illusion some hold onto that the process does not involve parents at all. As long as parents’ pocketbook is involved (I don’t know the percentage) parents are involved. Or they should be.</p>
<p>DD does not have the tippy top stats to get into <em>name brand</em> schools or (probably) even the tier below that. College counseling at her school is next to or possibly worse than nonexistent. She decided that a large uni is not for her and that a LAC would probably work for her. So how does one sort through all those possibilities? Cost is a huge consideration, too. That is where I as a parent come in to research and run by possibilities with her and help her determine what might be a fit.</p>
<p>Exactly…I’m a sophomore in high school, and I wanted to go into to nursing for undergrad, but not at an expensive school, because I know that I will be in debt, but my parents want me to go to Princeton and Harvard, and Yale, but I want to go to hunter college in NYC, because NYU was my first choice, but it’s too expensive, and then I will get my master’s in health education at columbia.
Trust me pressure from parents on a kid to go to a good school puts many kids in debt.</p>
<p>And all too often (don’t know whether this is the case in your situation), the reason the parent is pressuring the kid to go to a name-brand school is to give the parent bragging rights, regardless of whether that’s what’s best for the kid. It’s a continuation of the attitude that has created our sick society, where we consume, consume, consume, and deficit spend, deficit spend, deficit spend, starve the schools, and push all the costs down to our children and grandchildren.</p>
<p>My parents had pretty much no input in my application process. They just provided the credit card. I much prefer it that way. Worked out pretty well for me.</p>
<p>Parents never really got involved with my choosing of colleges. They kind of just knew that I knew what I wanted to do with my life, so it worked out pretty okay for all of us.</p>
<p>I am searching furiously with some extreme focus currently on my own. My parents have also been looking and trying to find a place that would suit me, but do not go as driven as I have been. So it’s a collaboration; yet, I search on my own and consult them often. </p>
<p>The real challenge is getting my parents up to speed with the process while I learn it a step ahead of them.</p>
<p>I consider myself lucky that my mom is there to help/guide me through this difficult process of applying to and visiting colleges. But, I do often use CC to help myself better understand info about colleges that I wouldn’t necessarily hear from a college tour guide…(for some reason I get the worst tour guides !!)</p>
<p>I don’t get hung up on the slight difference in the survery % stated in the original question. Sometimes the way a survey is tabulated and/or various questions added together can give results that seem counterintuitive. I think a lot of parents are involved since they are footing the cost of college, colleges vary widely in price and most families do not have unlimited incomes so there are some practical aspects that have to be considered. Parental involvement is also needed since college is a huge step for someone in high school and having their parents involved is less likely to leave overwhelmed by all of the choices presented to them. I do not think parents should do all of this without involving their child. After all, he/she is the one who be evetually living with that decision and has to put forth the effort needed to graduate.</p>
<p>In my family the college search process is mainly the child researching the universities, finding the ones that appeal and telling mum about it. That’s mainly what I’m doing and I like having the freedom of choosing the schools which appeal to me and then informing my parents about it. This way, I’m looking at the schools which I feel are best for me and my parents get a sense that I am really interested in my own future, so they are likely to be supportive of me applying to the schools I choose :)</p>
<p>No duh the parents play a major part. They are the ones paying for it, plus parents play such a major role in the other parts of their lifes so it would only be natural</p>
<p>Even though I’m the youngest of 3 kids, my parents have had no experience with helping people pick a college because my brother and sister both go to the regular 100% acceptance rate college 10 minutes away, while I actually have plans in life, so I’ll be doing it all on my own. Except for money of course :P</p>
<p>I’m the second child in the family, and tbh I have been doing all the research myself. My parents have a few opinions, but they state them and leave me to do my own thing. I would prefer some more input, but I guess I’m just grateful that I have the ability to choose where I want to go and go there. (In my case, they are going to be footing my undergraduate college bills…)</p>
<p>I did all school related research for applications. My parents aren’t from the U.S. and never went to college, so neither of them really have an idea of the process. They’ve been quite different in their attitudes ever since my acceptance to the school I attend now. One is happy that I’m going to a top school, and the other has been consistently reluctant simply because he/she doesn’t want to be paying much for school anyway. Needless to say, I might have loans dumped on me unless something is done in a year or so. But I don’t plan on leaving school anytime soon.</p>
<p>It has been really interesting reading these posts, given how differently families approach this process. Like FAFSA parent, I have had to do a lot of research for my son, since he has been very passive in the process. However, I am constantly asking (annoying) him with questions about what HE wants, in terms of type of school, location, interests, etc. This is different than telling him where I think he should go or pressuring him to go to a certain type of school. </p>
<p>If I didn’t stay involved in this process, he would most likely miss out on deadlines, lose out on opportunities, etc. Even his teachers have expressed concerns about his lack of involvement in the process. This is a quirk of his personality, as not all kids are high achievers, and mature at different rates. He will hopefully mature in college, but needs some help getting there!</p>
<p>I think this whole process requires parents’ empathy about what their child needs. Some need more of a push than others. It would be really nice if my son did not need so much involvement on my part. (It would be even nicer if he had a GC who wasn’t completely clueless.) But it is also important to take into account what their child needs. </p>
<p>And as several others have noted, parents are the ones paying for all or some of the tuition, so need to be involved and have the final decision. So it is an illusion to think that parents should not be part of the process when an adolescent is applying to college. Just my 2 cents.</p>
<p>I do the initial research and suggest places. She gets to consider and reject or add the place to her application list. Some places get on, then off, then on again as I remind her of her past comments and/or observations. If aid offers come back substantially equal, we/she will have additional visits, studying the school site and FaceBook postings in depth, and going through considerable soul searching. I am assuming that with only seven applications including one safety that the $$$ choice will only be between two schools or among three contenders at best unless September’s ACT scores are so great she adds schools.</p>
<p>She is hearing back from freshman at colleges she is considering (and those she is not), and they are LOVING it and encouraging her to apply. It makes it hard for her to concentrate on the present and her summer assignments, but it wonderful that they made good choices for them. Two very different friends are at a LAC which says it has and embraces many kinds of students, and both love it – which says something about truth in advertising!</p>
!!)</p>