Summer birthday/school advice

<p>I am trying to help a friend decide what to do with her son, who will be 6 in mid August. The cut-off for kindergarten here is September 1st. Her son went to kindergarten this year and has done well, but he is very young. There is a pilot program starting next year for a k-1 transition class, designed specifically for these younger kindergarteners, although there will be some kids who are not ready for first grade for other reasons. I have weighed in on the situation, using examples from my two children who are both summer birthdays, and have had very different outcomes. Since the one we "held back" was my daughter, she doesn't think it is has much bearing on the situation. So, does anyone have any experience with a k-1 transition class? How about oldest vs. youngest in a class long term outcomes? Thanks!</p>

<p>Are you saying that your friend is trying to decide whether to repeat kindergarten or move on to the K-1 multi-age class? Did the school express concerns regarding the boy’s maturity or academic level?</p>

<p>Sorry I was unclear. She is deciding between moving into first grade or into the k-1 class. Her son has done well academically and there are no major concerns other than his age. The boy is very bright and on the taller side. Although there are no issues right now, I am concerned about problems developing in the future, having been through this with my own son(now 24). His grandmother shares my concerns and is lobbying for the k-1 class. His teacher is no help, young and wishy-washy in her evaluations. He has a brother, three and a half years older, who is one of the oldest in his class, straight As, stand out athlete.</p>

<p>My daughter was one of the youngest in her class, always. It made no difference except that she was unable to meet the standards for handwriting in the first few years. She kept up just fine academically and in sports, and she did not have social problems. But girls and boys are very different. </p>

<p>In my experience, if problems are going to develop because a child is young for his/her grade, they happen early on. I don’t know of any instances where problems have emerged years later that weren’t evident in kindergarten or first grade. A difference of a few months in age is much less meaningful when a child is 10 or 13 or 17 than it is at 6.</p>

<p>You may want to check the birth date cutoffs of the various organizations in your area that sponsor sports leagues. Often, these dates are strictly enforced. Kids want to be on teams with their classmates. A child who is too old or too young to be on teams with his/her friends may be very disappointed.</p>

<p>My younger son has a mid-August birthday and was one of the smallest boys in his class until about 8th grade.
He not only continued to be in the top 5% academically in his grade, but he also excelled as a 2 sport Varsity athlete and was captain of each of the teams by the time he was a junior. The only hindrance that he had regarding his age was that he had to wait an extra semester to take driver’s ed. </p>

<p>If the boy is doing well academically and socially, let him move on to first grade.</p>

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<p>Quite the contrary. I’ve worked in an all boys school for many years. The age difference becomes more pronounced as the boys get older. There’s a big difference between a middle schooler with say, a September birthday and his classmate who has a June birthday. Academically, athletically, and emotionally there are more demands placed on the kids than there was when I first started. The younger boys never seem to be as “together.” The sports stars, brains, and all-around-good guys in the senior class are almost always the older boys.</p>

<p>The cut-off date is officially Sept. 1, but I know that boys with June, July, and August birthdays are encouraged to wait or year, or even repeat a year when they are admitted. If your friend has the opportunity to do the transitional year, by all means, take advantage of it. You will not regret it.</p>

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<p>I agree completely. D has a late June birthday, and did superbly in kindergarten so we never even considered holding her back. She did just fine academically all the way through school (she graduated from HS last year), but the social/maturity gap between her and her class peers continued to widen over the years, until her senior year when almost all of her friends were juniors. If I knew then what I know now, I would definitely have held her back.</p>

<p>My pediatrian when I was a kid said my parents could enroll me in school young and have me struggle through school or hold me back a year and have me suceed in school. They opted the later, and I graduated in the top 10 of my class and gone on to a successful career. So my vote is to hold them back.</p>

<p>Couple other things to consider: From the child’s perspective, it is cool to be the oldest (and tallest) in the class. I know I thought that was cool.</p>

<p>One other thing to consider: Many parents tried to enroll the kids young and then discovered in 3rd grade that they just weren’t ready for 4th. So the students had to repeat 3rd grade. Well, they felt that they were dumb and didn’t work hard enough on the material and that they flunked. Concepts like “maturity” are lost on 3rd graders, but “dumb” wasn’t lost. I surely wouldn’t want to do that to my kids.</p>

<p>There really is no down-side to choosing the transitional classroom, or even repeating kindergarten. However, going straight into first grade may result in problems in the future. I’d recommend taking the slower route.</p>

<p>The mom of this child needs to be reminded that this isn’t about her, and whether or not she is some kind of failure (if that is how she’s starting to feel), but rather about creating the best long-term result for her son.</p>

<p>To add to my previous post: </p>

<p>We held our older son back one year in elementary school. While he was age-appropriate for his grade level, he was very small and seemed to have to work twice as hard to keep up with the other boys. We estimated his social behavior to be about a year behind the other kids (largely due to that fact that his vision was very poor but we didn’t realize this until the beginning of 2nd grade). We decided to hold him back even though he was doing fine academically. It did wonders for his self-esteem for the first year or so. After that, he started to resent the fact that we held him back. He did very well academically and athletically (also a 2 sport Varsity player and team captain). However, he was embarrassed to graduate high school at 19 rather than 18 like the majority of the other kids in his class.</p>

<p>He spent the first 2 years of his college career trying to overload on courses so he could graduate early (to make up for being held back a year in elementary school). Had we not convinced him to slow down, he would have graduated college in 3 years. In other words, in his case, the initial benefit of being held back and being one of the older boys in the class was wiped out by his realization later on that he was a full year older than the other kids.</p>

<p>Totally dependent on the child. DS has a birthday in late September. On top of that he was always very small and shy. Popular wisdom said to hold him back, and man, I seriously considered it.</p>

<p>I found my way to an educational psychologist who worked for a nearby school district. His take was different. A direct quote: “All that matters is whether or not he can do the academic work.” As he pointed out, my son might always be small and shy.</p>

<p>The pre-K teacher he had begged me to send him on: he could already read quite well.</p>

<p>So, with fear and trembling, I did.</p>

<p>He and posse were the four kids who were on the schools academic team, all boys with late birthdays, one has 12/25. Results: UNC, Haverford, Williams, Princeton.</p>

<p>Socially all did well.</p>

<p>My S has quite early puberty, and that helped. He spoke with a deep voice and had significant facial hair before anyone else in his grade. I couldn’t have predicted that.</p>

<p>He is still quiet, though I wouldn’t quite say shy. He just makes 5’8" but he is doing very well and a junior in college.</p>

<p>He doesn’t get carded (he’s not 21) but his almost 23 year old sister does. You can imagine how much she likes that.</p>

<p>The same preschool teacher held back his friend who was just as smart. She said his fine motor coordination wouldn’t cut it in K. He is now at UofPenn. I think it all depends on the individual kid.</p>

<p>I am so glad I didn’t hold him back now because having two in college for two overlapping years had implications for financial aid.</p>

<p>Oh, and someone said you can’t hurt them by holding them back. I repeated that mantra to the educational psychologist and he disagreed. He pointed out that if S was small and shy and the youngest, that was one thing. But how would he feel being the smallest and shiest if he were the oldest? Could happen.</p>

<p>And the preschool teacher who had observed him closely said he was too shy to do anything athletic or music related in front of the other kids, but he excelled at the academic work. In her estimation it would be one more year of torture rather than choosing an environment in which he would be more comfortable.</p>

<p>It all seemed to work, and an added bonus is that he became a violinist and performed in a huge university concert hall by himself after verbally introducing the work he was playing: his own composition.</p>

<p>I think it is really hard to judge what you should do for a specific child based on the anecdotal accounts of other people. It really depends on the child and, to some extent, what is common where you live. My son had an early August birthday but I never really considered not putting him in first grade because he could read in kindergarten. He was always among the youngest, if not the youngest, in his class. He did have some handwriting issues. Later on, everybody learned to drive earlier than he did, but I considered that a plus since the fact of his age removed him from the peer pressure of driving. In our area, the sports birthday cutoff was August 1 so he did play with boys a grade behind him. Again, it was something of a plus because he (and I) made even more friends that way, and since he was the oldest on the teams, he was a standout (which probably would not have been the case had he played as the youngest of his classmates). But what I think yourfriend should do is have an independent evaluation from a local educational professional. Also, I am not sure about this, but I believe research has shown that any advantages/disadvatages resulting from starting or not starting at a young age six disappear in a few years (should be easy to check). One last thing–after graduating from high school, my son did a fantastic gap year. I think had he been a year older, he would have not done so because being a 20 year old college freshman would have not appealed to him.</p>

<p>Putting kids, especially boys, into a K-1 type holding pen has long been popular among tony private schools here. They believe it contributes to their ultimate success in college admissions many years down the line, as they have more mature, more accomplished kids. On the other hand, my spouse, who is in a position to know a lot about this, is adamantly opposed to the practice – says there is no actual evidence to support any benefit whatsoever. All classrooms have kids with a 12-month or so spread of ages and competencies.</p>

<p>My personal experience: My birthday is the last week in August. I was always among the youngest in my class. I was also always the most academically successful in my class – and that was true in high school, too, when I started taking classes out of grade level with students who were 2-3 years older. Socially, I was somewhat slower, but any gap was gone long before high school ended. My best friend – who was even younger, with an October birthday – and I were the brains and all-around-good-guys in our class, and he was a sports star, too.</p>

<p>I agree it depends on the child. </p>

<p>I have 2 boys with mid summer birthdays. Both academically at the top of their classes from day one. Neither very tall, both did well socially, although one better than the other, but that may have happened anyway. Both graduated and accepted/enrolled in excellent universities/colleges.</p>

<p>Two friends in sons kg class with late b days: one repeated first grade just to “mature and not have to struggle” and did very well consequently; the other wasn’t held back and struggled through elementary, middle and high school.</p>

<p>Had I to do it again, I would have held S back. (July bday, Dec. 1 cutoff!) One doesn’t know where school career will lead…full intentions of public school all the way. Didn’t work out that way–had to move to private HS…where virtually all the boys were at least a year older. My S will graduate still 17…many of his pals pushing the 19th birthday.
I think an extra year would have helped immensely in academics and sports…</p>

<p>Give the kid the gift of time…</p>

<p>Can they move to a different state? JK–but the cut off in NYC is December 31. Everyone born in the same year starts school together. </p>

<p>It really does depend on the kid. I’ve known lots of kids with birthdates much later in the year who have done very well. I’ve known others who should have been held back. </p>

<p>If he goes the K-1 route, can he elect to go directly into second at the end of the year? If so, there’s no down side.</p>

<p>Yes, it absolutely depends on the child. Skip the K-1 grouping. Often times, school districts use the K-1 grouping for kids who hint at having some kind of behavior or academic issues.</p>

<p>If the child is doing well both academically and socially, consider letting him move on to the regular 1st grade class.</p>

<p>I would keep him out another year… especially if you can find a full day kindergarten class. I have 3 kids 25, 19 and 16 and while they were all born in the late fall/winter, I have yet to find one parent among all that I’ve met, wish they had started the kid early or regretted that they prolonged it all a year. Several sent them to public school kindergarten the first year of eligibility and then switched them to the private full day K program. Some went back to the public for 1st and some have stayed in the private. In terms of development, I see no reason to rush the child especially if it’s a boy. I am sure you will find plenty of personal stories that will prove the exception, but if you look at the research in all areas (Socially, Developmentally, Learning), I think you are hard pressed to find suitable data that would suggest moving ahead is the overwhelming right choice. </p>

<p>As a kid who was born Aug 31, I can assure you that I know I would have benefited from that extra year especially by the time I got to college. It is about so much more than whether or not you can do the academics. In a word, it sucked to be barely 18. And in regards to HS academics, once you hit HS you are rarely bound by age to take the accelerated curriculum. </p>

<p>Obviously for some holding one kid back a year could make a huge difference in their financials for college, and it’s a viable point, but it’s hardly on the page of pros and cons for what’s in the best interests of the child.</p>

<p>This is one of my pet peeves. I see so many people holding kids back for no good reason. If the child is truly not ready academically and/or socially then he/she should be held back. If not, let them go to school. Many parents seem to have an almost pathologic fear of having their kid be the youngest in the class. Someone will always be the youngest. As more parents hold their kids back, then the kids who are “age appropriate” for their grade seem “young.” It can set up a vicious cycle. Since no one wants their kid to be the youngest, I don’t think it matters when the cut off is. Many people will hold back just to make sure their kid is the oldest. When one of my kids was in first grade, at least one of her classmates was 8. He was the biggest, but definitely not the smartest. I also know 17 year old sophomores who will graduate at 19 1/2. Both of my kids have always been among the youngest but both have excelled academically and socially.</p>

<p>That wasn’t my main point. I wasn’t thinking about that when DS was four. He could read. He could do math. He needed to be a regular classroom. It was that simple. He was always at the top of the class and had friends. </p>

<p>Sports? He hates them. Oh well. He was good at wrestling (light and strong) and cross country running (light again) but refused to pursue.</p>

<p>I saw no downside in sending him on and did so with all the professional advice at my disposal.</p>

<p>I agree it’s a tough decision.</p>

<p>One factor in my son’s case perhaps is an older sister. He was always used to being around her and her friends and other older kids.</p>