Summer birthday/school advice

Parents Forum
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<p>Sometimes.</p>

<p>A friend of mine had a daughter who repeated kindergarten because she wasn’t mature enough for it the first time around. By the time she reached second grade, she was much taller than anyone else in the class. The parents had to fight with the school for months to get them to give her a desk that would fit her; the school said that she already had the largest-size desk permitted for second grade and resisted getting a larger one. So for months this girl spent every day at a desk so small that it was physically painful for her to sit there. And then when she did get the larger desk, the girl felt conspicuous and out of place because there were no other desks of that type in the classroom.</p>

<p>So it may vary from one situation to another.</p>

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<p>My S has an early Jan. birthday and our cut off was late Sept. Years ago, the cut off used to be Jan. 31. S kept getting moved up with older kids in daycare because of his advanced verbal skills. We “held him back” so to speak when he was 3 so he would be in with his age peers for kindergarten (at the daycare as our school district did not have full day K then). He did great, however, when he got to first grade, he began to have a terrible experience. He was bored out of his mind. He had always had strong math skills (taught himself to tell time, including military time when he was 5) and had been reading for some time. In Oct. that year, he taught himself multiplication (in the car, while discussing the concept with me) while in school they were not up to what he had done in K. It took us the almost the entire school year to get him identified into our gifted program and into a 2nd grade math class (he really needed 3rd grade math). By mid way through 2nd grade, it was clear that he was constantly having to do work on his own to accomplish “differentiation”, however, he did not like that academic isolation. We did a lot of research and testing and working with him decided to have him skip 3rd grade. Yes, we knew he would be the youngest, but he had 2 terrible years in elementary school - he literally would be in tears at his homework because he was so bored. What I regret is holding him back when he was 3 to be with his age peers as it would have been easier to keep moving him along - rather than skip 3rd grade. Fourth grade in our district is huge jump from 2nd. And S had to get over spending all his school time daydreaming. Plus the 4th graders who were very nice and accepting him when he was in math with them were not the same once he entered their grade. It was a tough year. The social transition was rougher then we thought. </p>

<p>However, overall, he has been much happier - he is not the kid who changes class for math -he has academic peers and friends now. He is in 6th grade and with other kids is taking 7th grade math - it is at the exact level he needs - even though he just turned 11. Compare this to our neighbor, who held her early Sept. 1 kid back. While my S is 11, her S will be 13 in Sept. They are the oldest and youngest in the grade. Neighbor’s S, also a bright kid, seems to be the class clown at times - I think it comes from not being challenged. He was also recommended to take 7th grade math this year (and he would be the same age as the 7th graders) but he chose not to - in case it was too hard. This is a kid who will always underachieve out of fear of things being too hard. In fact, a few months ago, the mom told me that his math was too easy for him. I’m thinking WHAT! He had the chance to take math at his level but chose not to. So, my S is 18 months younger and taking a more advanced class. </p>

<p>Back to my S - although he was the oldest in his prior grade, it did not help him. He was miserable. He loves sports but is not a natural athlete and I doubt he’d be a sports star in HS regardless of which grade. He has started to shoot up in height and is by no means the shortest in his current grade - he is in the middle to upper middle in height. Yes, he will graduate at 17 and be the last to drive in his grade, but we could not make him suffer through school for 10 years just so he would not be the youngest in his grade. For sports, he has played with his age peers and that has worked well for now. Same for camp - we kept him with his camp friends. As to maturity, it is hard to gauge. One friend of S’s his current grade - a year older then him - is bright but very immature socially. So each grade will have a wide range of kids both in height and social development. My point in relating all of this? If your friend’s S is doing fine academically and socially, do not hold him back. It could create more problems. I should add that one concern we had was S’s weaker writing skills. It was difficult in 4th grade (we did some summer tutoring between 2nd and 4th to help with this) but now that he is almost through 6th it is working itself out. Anyway, this is another viewpoint. Good luck to your friend.</p>

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<p>I have an Aug DD (she’s in 2nd grade) and a June DS (he’ll enter K in the Fall) – the only reason I’m on this board is I sometimes reply to posts in my Alma Mater’s forum and happened to click on the Parent Forum today.</p>

<p>I’m smack in the middle of all of this red shirting phenomenon. Both my kids went (or will go) on time. I graduated high school at 17 (Sept birthday) and was admitted to Cal, UCLA, Joint BS-MD program at UCR, some Ivies and ultimately ended up at a small liberal arts college. I would have been incredibly bored had my parents held me out. </p>

<p>I know all of the anecdotal wisdom says that you’ll never regret holding a kid out and I do think, in general, it’s a decision that needs to be made on a case by case basis, but so far the academic research that’s been done doesn’t support the idea that the “gift of time” is advantageous. For kids who are behind or delayed, getting them into the school system where they can get the support they need sooner is important. For kids who are ready academically, the studies show they do fine and you can’t tell the difference by middle-elementary. Here’s a good link to a review article on the subject:</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/200309/DelayingKEntry.pdf[/url]”>http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/200309/DelayingKEntry.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Obviously this is a trend and you could argue that there hasn’t been enough time to see what the effect of an increased number of middle-upper middle class families redshirting their kids will be, but for now I’m comfortable with having sent my kids on time. I know my DS will be smaller and may go through puberty later (but his Dad didn’t go through puberty until late in high school anyways, so one year probably wouldn’t have made a difference), but he’s reading, writing, does well socially (he’ a quiet kid with tons of friends, but doesn’t seem to be athletically inclined and will probably never be a rough and tumble sort of kid) so I couldn’t imagine making him wait another year.</p>

<p>As a parent of a younger child in with older kids, I do sometimes get frustrated…my DD’s handwriting is great for a typical 7 year old, but compared to the 8 1/2 year olds in her class who can write much more quickly, she’s way slower. She is one of the top students in her class and doing fine, but for kids who aren’t quite as academically advance, they look slow or delayed compared to all of the older kids.</p>

<p>Finally, I know that in conversations like this on other boards I’ve participated in that people always seem to reference Gladwell’s latest book - Outliers - and his analysis of birthdays and Canadian Hockey Players. A friend of mine wrote a big blog post refuting Gladwell’s data and it’s interesting reading for anyone who might be interested:</p>

<p>[Poking</a> Holes in Outliers Trackvia – Online Database Blog](<a href=“http://www.trackvia.com/blog/2009/01/27/poking-holes-in-outliers/]Poking”>http://www.trackvia.com/blog/2009/01/27/poking-holes-in-outliers/)</p>

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<p>My reasoning has nothing to do with being the oldest or youngest in the elementary or even HS class. Brain development is a tricky thing. All I am suggesting is that if there is any doubt, err on the side of caution. What a kid can do in pre-k or even in elementary school doesn’t predict what he will achieve later on in life. If you can be absolutely certain that your child will continue to mature and develop to reach his potential, than by all means, jump the gun. </p>

<p>Frankly, and I mean no disrespect, but a kid who is doing military math and multiplication tables in preschool needs something different than any “normal” classroom can give him.</p>

<p>PS… I do think there is a difference between “red-shirting” and sending kids on time. For the late spring and summer birthday’s, I don’t consider that red-shirting. I consider that putting a kid in an optimal situation for all facets of development. So much happens during the 13 years of primary and secondary education, I have to chuckle at any parent who thinks they know the educational answers to questions they have yet to experience in this day and age, including myself and despite the age of my kids.</p>

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<p>I’m the Mom of 3 boys, ages 15, 10 and 5. My youngest son’s birthday is September 1st, so he’ll start Kindergarten later this year (right around his 6th birthday.)</p>

<p>For boys, there are considerations such as sports, etc that they’ll encounter when they reach middle and high school age. Younger boys are often eclipsed by their older classmates when it comes to sports and might feel less confident as a result. My husband’s birthday is in the summer, so he was always quite a bit shorter than the other boys in high school and had a 6 inch growth spurt during the summer following his senior year. Therefore, we were really happy with the fact that our youngest was born just after the August 31st cutoff and will be one of the older kids in his class.</p>

<p>All of this is to say that the K-1 transition is a good choice is the above considerations are of concern in this instance. :-)</p>

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<p>D had October birthday (two weeks before the state cutoff). She was reading chapter books but socially, painfully shy at age 4 and a half. She stayed in preschool an extra year and since I was not working fulltime, it was a real treat. During elementary school, she was a bit bored and I wondered if I had made a mistake. Her teachers always accommodated her with more challenging work, however. </p>

<p>Middle school was when I realized my choice was what was best for her. She did not have to deal with boyfriends and sexual discussions early and it was nice not sending her to college as a 17 year old. Now that she is in college, I miss her and I am glad I had the extra year to have her as a “little girl”.</p>

<p>It really is a personal decision and there are lots of things to consider.</p>

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<p>It is individual child-specific.</p>

<p>My son was one of the youngest, and was an academic and leadership standout throughout school.</p>

<p>My daughter was one of the oldest because this state made it a requirement to be five by August 1st to start kindergarten, and she is an August birthday. There was no major damage, but she turned 18 before her senior year even began, and believe me, she mentally checked out of high school months ago, even though graduation is still two months away. It didn’t help that she was 5’ 10" tall by 6th grade and has always looked older than her age.</p>

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<p>I think mixed age classes are great.
In any classroom you are going to have differing academic and developmental stages, but by being a " 1st" grader, in a K-1 room, he will have the opportunity to serve as a mentor, reinforcing his knowledge and adding to his confidence.</p>

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<p>Yes! A woman told me that her son’s New England private school didn’t want students who turned 5 after February to start kindergarten until the following year. Say what?! The norm for the graduating seniors was 19+ years old? </p>

<p>My sister-in-law started her Oct birthday son in k when he was still 4. She wouldn’t hear of waiting a year (“He’s so smart!!”). Then it was recommended that he attend a
1st grade transition class the following year, which is what he did. It all worked out, though – she got a free year of daycare out of it (she is a teacher).</p>

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<p>Post # 19 had many of my proposed comments. Some thoughts- could spend hours revising, but won’t.</p>

<p>My gifted, tall, son went to K before his fall 5th birthday- Sept 1st cutoff here. He also ended up compressing a grade (multiple grade classrooms in elementary school) to finish HS at 16- his was an exceptional case. He was not going to fit in regardless of when we sent him due to his abnormal academic abilities. Knowing his parents I can’t say that being among the oldest instead of the youngest would have made him any more socially adept. The decision to start early was based on a school psychologist IQ and other evaluations, the move ahead was teacher initiated.</p>

<p>I spoke with a mother whose early summer son and some others she knew had waited to send their sons to K (at that time he was in 5th grade)- she wished she had sent him when he was eligible. Think of this- being 18 before senior year, being stuck with HS and its rules when already an adult by age. Parents who think their child won’t be ready for school when the Feb signup occurs need to realize how rapidly children change at that age. To repeat- there will always be a one year spread of ages regardless of cutoff dates. Some elementary teachers prefer the waiting- of course a second grade teacher wants an older, more mature class…</p>

<p>We didn’t consider sports as we don’t prioritize athletics- our son surprised us by being a varsity runner on a large, good CC team in HS. The age discrepancy was most notable in little kid soccer- Aug 1 cutoff per national rules with our Sept 1st cutoff and 2 years together put him with kids 2 grades behind- he never became friends outside of the sport (kids from many schools on same side of town).</p>

<p>Think- do you want your kid to be average? Do you want your kid to fit into the crowd or stand above it? I am not talking about my situation, where we did early entry. We’re talking about the kid who is of the age meant to be in a class. Do you want to send the message that it is better to hold back or forge ahead? The oldest kids are not going to be the academic stars just because they are older. </p>

<p>If you put a child with his/her agemates and it doesn’t work out you can always repeat the kindergarten year. None of the kids moving forward will care or remember in future years. Your child will have been consulted and relieved to stay with the kindergarten class or want to proceed.</p>

<p>There will always be older/younger, more/less mature kids in any given class. Some don’t want to “rush” childhood. Others want their child to be able to take advantage of the school experiences. Listen to current teacher recommendations- if that person, who knows your child and his peers, has a strong preference follow it.</p>

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<p>When you talk about readiness for Kindergarten and First Grade you are talking about developmental readiness, not just academic smarts. Many early readers can be passed by their peers when they get to the middle elementary grades. Early academic triumphs can be true giftedness, but that is not always the case. There are very bright (and gifted) children who would benefit from an extra year of school. We need to remember to look at the whole child, not just academics. </p>

<p>Check out the Gesell Institute’s link below that answers questions parents ask about readiness.</p>

<p>[Gesell</a> Institute: Questions Parents Ask](<a href=“http://www.gesellinstitute.org/parentquestions.html]Gesell”>http://www.gesellinstitute.org/parentquestions.html) </p>

<p>There are certain cognitive milestones that will only happen if a child is developmentally ready (compare it to learning to walk or potty training - a child will not be successful until they are developmentally ready). If there is a local person who does Gesell assessments I would recommend that to your friend. If she can’t find anyone, she could probably call or email the institute to ask if there is someone local.</p>

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<p>I entered K when I was 4- birthday in Oct, a month after the cuttoff. The district tested me ( I was reading) for academics, but not only did I have difficulty with gross motor skills, I still do.
Waiting wouldn’t have helped that, but entering early exacerbated the difference between me & my peers. Physical play is huge in grade school, and for what ever reason, I never felt like I fit in.</p>

<p>My oldest D, was also a premie,( 10 weeks early- birthday at end of May- I was only a month early) and was even smaller than I was. ( She also was already reading). When the local K teacher suggested we find another situation, I eventually found a 5’s co-op half day program, for kids who needed something beyond preschool, but weren’t really ready for K. ( she also had gross motor delay).</p>

<p>But at the end of the year- I had to find something else-we found a small private school situation with two linked K-2 classrooms.</p>

<p>That worked really well, only I assumed she was considered to be in the K classroom, but the teacher considered her to be in the 1st grade. She stayed in that classroom for two years, then was in a 3-5 classroom for three years.
Great situation- only two teachers in elementary school ( besides specialists- like music & PE), which gives the teachers more knowledge of the students.</p>

<p>Younger daughters birthday was also at end of May, not a premie, although even more extra challenges. I found a * very* small private school for her, for K-2, but enrolled her in the K-12 public school, I had tried to get her sister into for 3rd grade.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, while my main interest in the alternative school was because they had the blended classrooms, she wasn’t assigned to a blended classroom till middle school, despite my advocacy.
And because it is true that there is at least an year difference in the classroom, being on the young end, compounded differences at a time when that was her whole world.</p>

<p>Many early readers can be passed by their peers when they get to the middle elementary grades.</p>

<p>ITA
While both my kids are very smart :wink: as was I, my impression is that the precocious reading ability, was perhaps because the energy was channeled into " quiet" activities, instead of physical ones.
While it was exciting for my D’s teacher to see her reading Island of the Blue Dolphins when she was in 1st grade- reading is only one piece of what makes up how we learn.</p>

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<p>I don’t know that being an early reader has much to do with anything.</p>

<p>Some kids simply are; others aren’t.</p>

<p>My daughter, who could not read at all when she entered kindergarten, actually did better academically throughout school than her brother, who could read fluently when he entered kindergarten without ever having been taught. </p>

<p>Go figure.</p>

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<p>I don’t think it necessarily has to do with later academic success, but I do think it means that a very early reader may be bored relearning the alphabet.</p>

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<p>For parents of “smart” kids… Might I suggest reading Mindsets by Dweck. After reading it and some of the other research noted within, I’ve concluded “smart” is not what it’s cracked up to be because the label is as much a handicap as anything else.</p>

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<p>The answer to the OPs question depends on the child, as many have stated, but also on what the profile of the other students in the pilot program might be. Are the 1st grade children in the mixed class chosen because they lack maturity? That’s great if this boy is on the immature side. But if not, it could be very hard and de-motivating for him. It’s not about academics, but about social and developmental readiness at this age. Who are his friends now, and what will they be doing? Will this little boy be sitting quietly in this K-1 waiting for his turn to read while the other kids in the class are restless and not paying attention ? Or is he one who won’t be paying attention if he were to move on? It makes a difference.</p>

<p>This boy’s mom needs to go with her gut- not her MIL or her neighbor’s idea of what is best for the child. I think moms know best in these instances, and if she feels comfortable with her decision, it will turn out well.</p>

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<p>So what? Post #34 has it right. It’s not that reading early makes you a certified genius. It’s just that if a kid can read well before starting school, a lot of school will be boring beyond belief.</p>

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<p>S #1 and two cousins were all summer birthdays and “went early.” Nephew even skipped a grade after that. All had high scores, scholarships, one was NMF.</p>

<p>It helped my S to be tall for his age, and very calm, attentive (able to sit, do work) at a young age. The main problem for primary school teachers is when they have a lot of kids (usually boys) who can’t sit still. That’s what they don’t want.</p>

<p>My younger sons didn’t go to primary grades (were homeschooled). When they entered school, I kept them back a grade level from the work they were doing. Why? They had fall (Oct-Nov) birthdays, were short for their ages.</p>

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<p>To me this is a no-brainer. The child should go to the transition class. The parents will NOT regret this decision come junior high. The maturity difference is huge at that point, as other posters have noticed. Also, with boys, there are motor skill issues at the younger ages that can lead to a lot of frustration. Add in sports, and there are only advantages to the extra year. I know everyone has their “my kid was the youngest and did great” stories, but having seen the differences at some top private schools, I can promise that the right thing to do is add the extra year. In the area where my kids grew up (Dallas) virtually ALL the summer birthday boys (particularly in private schools) and many of the June-August girls did the extra year.</p>

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<p>The date is so arbitrary and varies depending on where you live (and in what decade you started school.) My son was born early and ended up with a late August birthday. I decided to use his due date as my own arbitrary guideline on whether or not I should “hold him back” or “start him on time”. No regrets. I rather like that he will be a bit more mature as a college freshman than most others.</p>