<p>$120K in debt is HUGE!</p>
<p>Unless you have some assets that you will use to pay off the debt at a later date?</p>
<p>HUGE!</p>
<p>What is the difference between the lowest $ school and the next one up?</p>
<p>How much is the in-state option?</p>
<p>Is it feasible to have her attend the community college for one year, do has many GEs as possible and then transfer? How much would you save financially if she does that?</p>
<p>Kat
if all the swallows return we are gonna be cleaning up tons of bird doo-doo</p>
<p>
I don’t know why you believe that. She couldn’t have taken out more than $27K in her own name. Anything else had to be signed by you.</p>
<p>I don’t mean she has the pay the price in the literal, financial sense. We didn’t approach the entire process with realistic parameters in mind. Her top choices are not affordable which will necessitate a very difficult conversation. In retrospect, we should not have let her visit/consider/apply to places we could not afford.</p>
<p>Je ne sais quoi-- one of the best gifts parents can give their children is the knowledge that you aren’t going to show up on their doorstep in twenty years homeless and needing nursing care (provided by them) since you’ve run through all your assets.</p>
<p>Don’t look back. What you did or did not do is moot. Lay your cards on the table in terms of what you can afford going forward, assure your D that you will always love and be proud of her, and now the family is going to focus on helping her get to college and stay in college.</p>
<p>Don’t shoot yourself in the foot with the guilt. Do you want her to decide to graduate HS and get a job folding sweaters at the Gap instead? Teenagers are masters of magical thinking-- but now you are going to have a real, adult conversation. “Honey, this is what we can afford. Let’s figure out how to get you a college education given those limitations.”</p>
<p>^I totally agree with blossom here. Go easy on yourself, je ne sais quoi. You did the best you could do with the knowledge that you had. </p>
<p>I wanted to share this with everybody who thinks finances are an issue …</p>
<p>BY FAR the best advice I ever received regarding college applications was from a University of Tulsa admissions rep who spoke at my kids’ high school for what was advertised as an informational meeting. It was called something like, “Financial Considerations for College.” It supposedly wasn’t for U of Tulsa, specifically – though I’m guessing she gave the speech as a community outreach kind of deal with the hopes of bringing more applicants to U of Tulsa. A win-win!</p>
<p>Anyway, the advice that I am ever so grateful for was this (and she totally made it a foot-stomper, repeating it several times; it was the crux of the meeting; the meeting was advertised for parents of high school juniors, but all levels were welcome to attend): </p>
<p>“It is never too early to begin the College Finances discussion with your children. If your children are juniors right now, then you are behind! You MUST go home and have this discussion with them immediately! If you have children in middle school or older, begin these discussions immediately! YOU decide how much you’re willing and able to pay for their college education. And then TALK TO THEM about it. And keep talking to them about it. This will make your life and their life so much easier. And it will help to prevent major disappointments and a heck of a lot of arguing when they become high school seniors. Trust me. You MUST HAVE THIS TALK! And YOU MUST revisit this discussion repeatedly while they are in middle school and high school!” </p>
<p>Wow. I felt so lucky to have heard that advice. I don’t know that I would have had such thorough college-finance discussions with my kids if I hadn’t heard her speech! I have since counted my lucky stars on many occasions. In fact, it was this lady’s speech that had us put college finances ABOVE ALL ELSE when it was time to apply for college.</p>
<p>Finances first – college apps second – ultimate college choices based on college finances third. Easy peasy.</p>
<p>I know. We didn’t do it right. We did tell our daughter that it may come down to finances. She picked two good safeties (including financial) then promptly fell in love with three more expensive schools (which really do seem superior by comparison) and proceeded to get admitted everywhere! Even the safeties would be a stretch for us to afford. I guess in the back of our minds we always knew there was a chance the FA gods would smile down on us. If we had not taken that gamble with our older daughter, she never would have even considered applying to the top-notch LAC she attends. They were surprisingly generous with FA. </p>
<p>blossom is right – we have to face facts and make the best of it. She’s a really good kid and will completely get it. She has no sense of entitlement whatsoever. She had a difficult high school experience and I promised her college would be better, which is partly why I had hoped against hope that her favorite schools might find some $$ for her. She’s so fortunate to be going anywhere to college, and knows it. It hurts me, as her mom, to be unable to give her more, which is silly.</p>
<p>je-ne-sais-quois – the GREAT news is that she has some mostly-financial safeties, and she can grow to love them. Or, she can take a gap year, and reapply to a more financially diverse set of schools.</p>