Taking time off, and changing majors to finish sooner [no questions, just thinking outloud]

So, I just finished my Sophomore year of college, and I don’t miss it: Ever since my second semester, I’ve been struggling with social anxiety, lack of social skills, and lack of drive for doing school work. I believe two counselors that I went to see said that I have depression, but due to financial complications and limitations in travel, I have not been able to get anti-depressants, and I’d rather not take them, and instead, look for more physical alternatives, like exercise.

By the time I reached my 4th semester, this time taking three Engineering Technology courses, I felt like I hit rock-bottom: I didn’t feel like doing any homework, and didn’t have much interest in it. I often had to work hard to catch up, only to miss deadlines and have my work suffer, and often suffered on test because I didn’t know what to study, sometimes just because I kept overlooking or had a hard time finding a study guide.

Also, by the time it was over, my social life was dead: I was no longer nearly as involved on campus as I was my first semester, most of my acquaintances had either left, stopped trying to stay in touch with me, changed on me and drifted apart, or started acting funny and like they don’t want me around them, and now hang out with other people.

Now, the one ET class that I thought I did pretty well in and would get at least a C- in, I got a D in that may turn into an F. I have no hope of getting a good grade in the other two.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and the world while in college, but I’m pretty much sick of it now. I’m sick of college life, I’m sick of how fast everything is, how busy everyone is, how superficial it feels. I’m sick of the culture on campus. I’m sick of how strict and cutthroat the business of college is. Most importantly, I’m sick of feeling trapped with a heavy weight on my shoulders. But then again, maybe this is just life. I wouldn’t know. I only know the homeschooling life, and college life.

So, for those reasons, I’ve began to tickle the idea of changing my major. Preferably to something that is "easier " than ET, is still interesting to me, and will still get me out of the United States. I believe that every major is going to be challenging in their own ways, but clearly I lack the skills and the patience needed for ET. At first, it was a matter of getting certain skills, and learning about myself. Now it’s just a matter of getting the heck out ASAP without losing too much more time and money.

I’m thinking of changing back to Earth Science. In the past, I wasn’t too confident that it would be a major where I would be taken seriously, and I wasn’t even entirely sure what I would do as an ES major. That, and I still bought into the idea that I was somehow destined to go ET. Now, I have a better understanding of what ES people do. My last ES class was one of the most boring classes I had ever taken, and I easily made a B in it, and I still can’t say I can easily read a complex map or name certain landforms, but I’d like to think there’s much more to the major than that. Also, I can’t help but get the feeling that I only got a good grade in that class because it wasn’t truly a high-level course.

I originally chose ET because I wanted to “be good with my hands”, and know how to build and repair things, but I am mostly interested in working with vehicles (as a vehicle designer and/or a mechanic) and drones, which it turns out I can go to trade school for, but that requires me to have a vehicle, a job, and preferably a place of my own close to said school, which means earning enough money to move to the city, or better yet, a different state.

The truth is, I’m not interested in coding, I’m not THAT interested in drawing schematics (but I can at least begin to learn it and enjoy it), and although I kind of enjoyed milling and welding, apparently I suck at it. I still believe that I could have easily gotten a higher grade in all of those classes, but for personal reasons, I did not. Until I solve those issues, it doesn’t matter how much easier the major I choose is, I still may fail. That being said, I am sick of college, and in the end, ET WILL be harder than ES, and take much longer to finish a degree in.

So, I’ve decided that I need to spend the summer researching other career options, and trying to solve personal issues so that I will have the drive and character needed to succeed in college. If I cannot sort out these issues by the time fall semester comes around, I may as well not attend.

[so I get you didn’t ask a question, but I wanted to say this anways] Why is it that you need all that stuff to go to a trade school? We have a trade school a little outside of my town (a rather small town, at that) and my parents made it clear that I could live at home and commute there if I wanted to go the trade school route.

Is there none close to your home? And wouldn’t the cost of your school that you wouldn’t be spending help out on maybe getting a car or supporting you until you could get a job to have while you were in trade school?

Just some food for thought. Also, I hate to sound rude, but it’s INCREDIBLY stupid of you to just not treat your depression. You can’t just treat it yourself, you need professional help. The cost is worth it, as is the time invested in it. Get that help, ASAP.

Me and my family live out in the country. The closest trade school for automotive is nearly an hour away, and getting there would mean having to either hitch a ride from my mom there, assuming that she is still going to be working in-said city, or getting a driver’s license and getting a class schedule where I would have enough time to drop my mom off to work and get to class. It sounds like a bad setup, but it may just have to be that way until I finish some sort of program and get a vehicle and a place of my own.

I’ve realized that the worst thing that I did was going straight to college right out of high school. I should have spent some time working and getting some money for a vehicle or study abroad, and just go out and “experience” things, but I couldn’t entirely help it. I had been homeschooled and sheltered all of my life, so when I graduated high school, I just wanted to get the hell out of my parents’ house, even if it was just temporary. Although I have learned a lot about myself and the world by going to college, just the price of college alone makes it not entirely worth it, and most of what I learned was from getting involved with people, groups, and events that lead to things off-campus. All I learned from dealing with peers, professors, social groups, and classes, is that most people don’t see me as being an equal or even a Human being, and I can’t stand nor trust most of them.

As far as my depression goes, I did seek both counseling and medication for it while I was in college. I began taking an anti-depressant near the end of my second semester, but because I don’t have any medical insurance, the medication cost about $40 - $70 straight out of my pocket. I also learned that the nurse partition that I saw at college could not prescribe me medication while I was away for the summer, nor could anyone from the school counsel me, so the obstacle that I face now is trying to get medical insurance, medication, get counseling, and working with my mom to help me take care of all this.

I am still looking for a way to do this, but after doing some research about depression and anti-depressants, it seemed like I could remedy at least some of it if I keep myself busy and exercise on a regular basis as a natural anti-depressant. The hard part is finding the time and space to do it all, and with how cramp my parents home is, and how busy my family is, it makes it difficult to find the time, space, and motivation to workout. I can work with my parents to create an effective schedule, but for some reason, I just feel so isolated, slow, and smothered when living at home. Like I have little control over my life, and like I am constantly stuck in a loop. However, I noticed that I felt almost the same when I was at college for the 4th semester, so I’m guessing that’s a sign that it has more to do with me and my depression than with where I am.

I know one thing for sure: I can’t put my life back on hold just because I’m back home for the summer. So, as a start, I should spend the summer working out, trying to solve my health insurance and depression issue, and continuing to look for a job, or even just volunteer opportunities. I’ve even considered living with my big sister, or a relative or friend of the family. Maybe even asking my father’s childhood friend to be my mentor, although I don’t think it’s going to happen. They wouldn’t be ideal situations, but they would be better than nothing.

Although I do not enjoy college, it’s still tempting to finish it and get a degree that will let me travel to a different country, especially since I’ve already invested all of this money in it.

Before you make any changes, you should address the depression. Everything you are having a problem with can be attributed to depression. Even the fact that you don’t want to address the depression…If you had diabetes, you would take insulin, right? If you had allergies you would take antihistamines? If you have depression, why not take medication for that too?