So, I just finished my Sophomore year of college, and I don’t miss it: Ever since my second semester, I’ve been struggling with social anxiety, lack of social skills, and lack of drive for doing school work. I believe two counselors that I went to see said that I have depression, but due to financial complications and limitations in travel, I have not been able to get anti-depressants, and I’d rather not take them, and instead, look for more physical alternatives, like exercise.
By the time I reached my 4th semester, this time taking three Engineering Technology courses, I felt like I hit rock-bottom: I didn’t feel like doing any homework, and didn’t have much interest in it. I often had to work hard to catch up, only to miss deadlines and have my work suffer, and often suffered on test because I didn’t know what to study, sometimes just because I kept overlooking or had a hard time finding a study guide.
Also, by the time it was over, my social life was dead: I was no longer nearly as involved on campus as I was my first semester, most of my acquaintances had either left, stopped trying to stay in touch with me, changed on me and drifted apart, or started acting funny and like they don’t want me around them, and now hang out with other people.
Now, the one ET class that I thought I did pretty well in and would get at least a C- in, I got a D in that may turn into an F. I have no hope of getting a good grade in the other two.
I’ve learned a lot about myself and the world while in college, but I’m pretty much sick of it now. I’m sick of college life, I’m sick of how fast everything is, how busy everyone is, how superficial it feels. I’m sick of the culture on campus. I’m sick of how strict and cutthroat the business of college is. Most importantly, I’m sick of feeling trapped with a heavy weight on my shoulders. But then again, maybe this is just life. I wouldn’t know. I only know the homeschooling life, and college life.
So, for those reasons, I’ve began to tickle the idea of changing my major. Preferably to something that is "easier " than ET, is still interesting to me, and will still get me out of the United States. I believe that every major is going to be challenging in their own ways, but clearly I lack the skills and the patience needed for ET. At first, it was a matter of getting certain skills, and learning about myself. Now it’s just a matter of getting the heck out ASAP without losing too much more time and money.
I’m thinking of changing back to Earth Science. In the past, I wasn’t too confident that it would be a major where I would be taken seriously, and I wasn’t even entirely sure what I would do as an ES major. That, and I still bought into the idea that I was somehow destined to go ET. Now, I have a better understanding of what ES people do. My last ES class was one of the most boring classes I had ever taken, and I easily made a B in it, and I still can’t say I can easily read a complex map or name certain landforms, but I’d like to think there’s much more to the major than that. Also, I can’t help but get the feeling that I only got a good grade in that class because it wasn’t truly a high-level course.
I originally chose ET because I wanted to “be good with my hands”, and know how to build and repair things, but I am mostly interested in working with vehicles (as a vehicle designer and/or a mechanic) and drones, which it turns out I can go to trade school for, but that requires me to have a vehicle, a job, and preferably a place of my own close to said school, which means earning enough money to move to the city, or better yet, a different state.
The truth is, I’m not interested in coding, I’m not THAT interested in drawing schematics (but I can at least begin to learn it and enjoy it), and although I kind of enjoyed milling and welding, apparently I suck at it. I still believe that I could have easily gotten a higher grade in all of those classes, but for personal reasons, I did not. Until I solve those issues, it doesn’t matter how much easier the major I choose is, I still may fail. That being said, I am sick of college, and in the end, ET WILL be harder than ES, and take much longer to finish a degree in.
So, I’ve decided that I need to spend the summer researching other career options, and trying to solve personal issues so that I will have the drive and character needed to succeed in college. If I cannot sort out these issues by the time fall semester comes around, I may as well not attend.