Our freshman son transferred after he completed 1st semester. He was 18 hours away and after much discussion, questioning and planning, we decided his idea to stay home and commute to a school In state (“work hard, get grades up”) and transfer as a sophomore)
He put a lot of thought into the decision to leave. Had we liked his initial choice, I know we would have had him stick out the full year.
Now, he is miserable living at home, going to this “commuter school” He’s bored, unhappy and not knocking himself out studying. He started out so motivated and pumped. He seems deflated and disillusioned. Now he tells us he wants to quit school and live on a boat and do something he loves and feels passionate about. He is frustrated because he doesn’t know what he wants to do. No major. No dream job.
As the parents, we are exhausted. He is our second child. Discussions go nowhere. Of all of the different college issues, we never expected this.
We are wondering if there is some sort of fear…hard work…grades. Or is he being lazy…thinking he can’t do it.
My husband and I feel like he is having a version of midlife crisis. I know college isn’t for everyone, but I can’t believe it’s true for our son. We don’t want him to leave without having the good experience.
This looks like a more general mental health issue to me. Has he had a recent physical, and has he spoken with anyone in student services? That’s where I’d start.
He was all the way around the world? I can understand why you didn’t think it was a good idea to stick it out. Maybe he does need some time to work and see what life is like without a degree.
Perhaps he needs a gap year to figure out some things – at the same time he can put in applications to schools he can live at that are within a couple of hours of your home.
There is no direct route to adulthood. If you start asking around you’ll hear of many kids and adults who have taken a one or two years off rather than “waste” money at college with no direction. What is he passionate about? Living on a boat? Let him explore but there should definitely be ground rules that are set up in advance - will he need a job, live at home, buy a car, move somewhere he always wanted to live? Sit down in a positive manner and discuss what he wants to do for the next year or two. Try to keep an open mind, it may be the best few years of his and your lives!
Good luck
Gap year and let him explore boating or whatever, but make him get a job!! He sounds depressed. College isn’t for everybody, on cue, at exactly 18 years old…