<p>Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm about to apply to UC Merced. Here is my second personal statement. To be honest, I couldn't come up with anything outstanding so instead I tried to embellish one of my normal but important experience in my life. Please read it and give me some advice (I've just finished writing it and I haven't fixed anything yet so there may be lots of grammatical mistakes and there are parts that should be cut off). Anyway please help me:</p>
<p>(Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?)</p>
<p>It has been 3 years since I lived with my dad in Japan. I rarely meet him as we both have work and school at days. The only time we share is dinner. However lately it’s become one of my least favorite period of time as my dad usually brings up the theme about my future university during it. The pattern of communication between us is simple: He talks, I listen. I say ‘yes’ for everything he says, but keep thinking ‘no’ inside. Yes, that’s me, an 18-year-old girl who is obedient outside yet defiant inside, if not expressing my real thought is counted as defiant. Even though outside I try to look eager, inside I feel reluctant as I don’t have much interest in the school that my dad chose for me. It’s not a bad school at all, actually a good one. However my dream is to pursue my study in America. I have been longing to go to America and be a student there. I want to expand my way of thinking and observing things, I want to explore and understand a long-history culture which is by far different from those of any country in Asia. Most of all I want to communicate in English everyday as I love this language so much.
Of course a girl who has never had the courage to disagree with her dad like me doesn’t dare to tell him frankly that I don’t want to go. Instead, I find myself being a well-behaved but passive puppet, following my dad’s instruction all the time in the play of my own life.
Things have changed on one night. When I was listening to him during dinner as usual, suddenly what my dad had just said drew my attention:
‘I’ve taken every minute thing into consideration, and I’m sure this school is just right for you. As long as you enter it, after you graduate, I take it for granted that with a good degree, you will be accepted to many companies when you go back to Vietnam. Just follow the path I have made for you then you will be fine ’.
‘The path I’ve made for you, the path I’ve made for you’- that phrase kept echoing in my brain eerily. I know that his plan for my future is right. But another thought appeared in my mind:
‘Is it really OK, Anh?’
‘No!’- I shouted out, making my dad spill his soup. Then there came a long, awkward moment between us. It seemed to last forever until my dad asked:
‘So, you didn’t like my plan?’
‘OMG, I’m doomed’- I began panicking inside, nevertheless I tried to look calm outside.
‘It’s not like I dislike it, it just…’- I stopped. I could feel his eyes stare at me curiously and seriously at the same time.
‘Don’t be afraid, this is your only chance! Tell him!’- my brain and heart yelled at me.
I took a deep breath and let the words come out:
‘I got my own plan. I want to study in the US. It has been my dream for a long time, and I badly want to fulfill it. You may not like the idea, but please allow me to decide my own future. I’m appreciated for what you have planned for me, but this time I want to draw my own path by my own hands’.
I sweated out a lot as I saw my dad’s facial expression. Shocked and confused. He must have been angry as his daughter for the first time in her life went against his idea. However to my surprise, after another long moment of silence, my dad just said:
‘If you want to do it that badly, then it can’t be helped’.
I burst into happiness and relief when I heard from him. I was expected a thunder storm of anger to be put out on me, however nothing horrible like that happened. I’m so proud of the incident at dinner that night, especially my sudden gut because from now on, I can finally stop being a puppet and become more a heroine in the play of my life. </p>
<p>What do you guys think? Am I going on the right track or I misunderstood the topic?
Also, can anybody give the idea to write the first personal statement? the 'describe your world and how it shaped your dream' thing?
Thank you so much</p>