Tell us where you have lived - essay help

Colleges and Universities A-Z Brown University
1

<p>This is my response to the essay prompt:</p>

<p>My first week of life was spent in a suitcase by a window. </p>

<p>Though I wish this unconventional housing had a more interesting backstory, it was simply instituted because I had jaundice. I soon had to give up my homely suitcase in exchange for a cozy apartment in Palm Harbor, Florida, where my family and I stayed until my brother was born and turned three. We then moved to our first house, built in Land O’ Lakes, Florida, where I spent about ten years compiling an array of memories and relationships. However, just before the start of my senior year, my family moved to our current home.</p>

<p>I have yet to finish unpacking.</p>

<p>It’s 13 words over the limit, so I’ll have to trim it down, but do you think it’s alright? </p>

2

<p>Hi! I’m also applying to Brown this year! I really like the ending. I think it packs a nice punch. I think you did a nice job and that there are a few sections where the wordiness can easily be trimmed without altering its meaning. Best of luck to you!</p>

3

<p>I like the ending a lot too! You could just say that “until your brother turned three” to save some characters.</p>

<p>

I don’t really know what you mean by this. </p>

4

<p>When you have jaundice you have to be under light, so I am assuming that is the suitcase in the window.</p>

5

<p>I thoroughly enjoyed both your opening and your closing sentences. Your opening is intriguing and makes me want to continue reading. Your ending leaves me with the feeling that you have more to say. Excellent. You are off to a great start. However, I would rewrite the central paragraph to reveal a little more about yourself. After all, while they’re asking where you’ve lived, aren’t they really asking how where you have lived has impacted your life? Otherwise, you could just list your three addresses. Is your current home also in Florida? How has living in Florida made you who you are? How is living in Florida different from living in MA or ID? Maybe the Florida sun that cured your jaundice could be linked in again–quickly, of course–later? The apartment/house distinction could be important. Is it? You have “an array of memories and relationships.” What kind of memories and relationships? Did these relationships shape you as a person? In what way? Why are they important to you? You have an opportunity to say something that makes you stand out and dazzle them with what a thoughtful/insightful person you are. This is a short essay, so you will have to be a wordsmith to accomplish all of this, I know. You could leave this just the way it is and be more than fine, but if you have the time, why not make the central paragraph as creative and intriguing as your opening and closing?</p>

6

<p>I really liked your approach to the question. I will say that my response was a single sentence, and it worked fine for me. </p>

7

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</p>

<p>How do you know?</p>

<p>Maybe your answer to this question was a negative for you, but the rest of your application overcame this weakness.</p>

<p>(Unless this question is a litmus test, which I doubt)</p>

<p>I highly endorse the type of analysis suggested by @chezcurie</p>

<ol>
<li>Develop a strategy for answering essay questions by figuring out what really is being asked</li>
<li>Choose tactics that will implement the strategy</li>
<li>Demonstrate good writing skill/thoughtfulness/insight</li>
</ol>

8

<p>@fenwaypark You’re right, I don’t know. However, when I attending an info session @ Brown, I specifically remember them mentioning this questions. They said to keep it simple, and to be literal. E.G. They said it would be inappropriate to say “I’ve “lived” at the library/research lab” unless you actually lived there. </p>

9

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<p>The advice given by @chezcurie is completely consistent with the admonition to use the literal meaning of the verb “live”. As for simplicity, I think the word limit regulates that pretty well.</p>

<p>Without the benefit of inside information, I am still saying that if I had to choose between ChezCurie’s advice, or the advice that “one sentence is ok because that’s what I did and I got in”, I would recommend ChezCurie’s advice. </p>

<p>It does not follow that if someone is admitted, that every part of the person’s application was exemplary and therefore worthy of emulation.</p>

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<p>@fenwaypark I really wasn’t trying to imply that mine was perfect. I even said that I liked original poster’s idea better. I was just saying what I did in case someone else did the same. I’m sure both approaches are valid.</p>

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@Tman1005‌ what you heard at the info session is what we also heard - the adcom stressed literal and straightforward.

To me, this seems a somewhat clunky way to say something that is not particularly unique about the person or place.

Best of luck with your application!

12

Did your jaundice require any treatment beyond the neonatal phototherapy? Is it from any condition that has affected you beyond that? If not then I don’t really see the value it adds. It’s a catchy opener but if you don’t feel that it had any impact on your life then what difference does it make?