<p>How can I get through to my parents that I am not Ivy or top university material?
They keep pushing me to go to a top rated school, but not because of education, but because they believe the name of the school has a lot to do with future careers. I understand that going to an ivy is not everything and that I can get a good education at different schools. I also don't want to be pushed to be constantly doing work in high school and want to take classes that I enjoy.
Money is also an issue, but my parents refuse to acknowledge it. I won't receive any financial aid, but they aren't willing to pay mor than 10k a year on my education and they expect me to take on the debts. How can I get throug hto them?</p>
<p>Jazzfan, are you comfortable with the idea of attending your state college? If so, that is probably best with your financial situation. $10K annually from your parents would probably be good enough to keep your loan burden fairly low, especially if you worked during the summers and part-time during the year.</p>
<p>If you want something different/better, though, high grades and strong test scores may be your ticket to merit aid at private colleges. The best thing you can do is to look up the admission requirements for the colleges you are interested in, as well as merit aid information, and plan your high school career accordingly. You might want to find and print out some articles about the high cost of college tuition and leave them in places in the house where your parents are sure to see them - $10/year won't be enough to pay for room and board at many of the Ivies, much less their $30K+ annual tuitons. So the best reality check your parents can have is seeing those figures from a nuetral source.</p>
<p>Jazzfan - Why do you say that you're not "ivy" material and why do your parents think you are?Is it an issue of being seen as having great "potential" but not wanting to carry the weight of that potential around?</p>
<p>you're parents are making incorrect assumptions about your ability to borrow. Even if you were willing to borrow however much it would take to attend an expensive school, lending institutions limit the amount they will loan directly to the student to something pretty small (like $3000). If your parents want you to attend an expensive school using loans, they will have to take out the loans in their own names.</p>
<p>I've had a few slippups grade wise this year in chemistry and algebra2. I do take an extra language class outside of school and have good ECs. Why take time to apply to an ivy when the chances of admittance are so small and I can't afford to pay for it. I would be happy at my state college, UCONN. Both my parents went there. But, I would like to explore other options other than that. Possibly some LACs, but those are mainly private.
I have a lot of potential, but I am too unfocused and not serious enough. I want to major in an English or art discipine, which is somehow considered unacceptable in my house. They don't appreciate the work I put into my music and composition. My schedule was virtually picked by my father for next year, junior year.<br>
My parents think of me as being ivy material. It mainly has to do with how they handled high school and how they are now trying to live through me, even though both have very successful careers.</p>
<p>How serious are you about your music? What instrument(s) do you play? Are you interested in a music major or conservatory? I know that is not what your parents want, but the path to admissions is somewhat different if you want to focus on music, so if you are exploring options, that is something to consider.</p>
<p>If you're Asian, it's impossible to get through to your parents :) And even if you do, then there's the rest of your relatives, and they're even harder...I gave up in the end...</p>
<p>Otherwise, it would be helpful to show your parents an alumni list from a school you'd rather go to. If you can prove to them that you can be just as successful going to a state school (or some other school that can give you some scholarships), they may relent.</p>
<p>i am very serious about my music. I play trumpet and clarinet at equal levels of proficiency. I did not have the chance to audition for regional and all-state honor bands last year due to a family trip... figures. I would like to major in music, I will at least minor it in. My band director is very supportive of me going into a music related field, mainly music education.<br>
I'm not asian. My immediate family puts more pressure on me to succeed. My paternal side also puts a lot of pressure on me. My maternal grandparents and family would be happy that I went to any college and was happy.</p>
<p>jazzfan, I think the best way to handle this is to arrange a meeting with all 3 of you and your guidance counselor AFTER you have a meeting alone first with him/her. Often parents are more likely to listen to another adult who will tell them the bald-faced facts before they'll believe their own kids. They think you are just being self-deprecating and you are underestimating your own chances. Let the GC tell them what your chances really are and suggest true matches and safeties for you.</p>
<p>Jazzfan,
Obviously I don't know everything about your family situation, so please take my words for what they are worth in your situation. Perhaps the reason that they are pushing you to attend an Ivy college is that they do not realize standards have toughened exponentially, and are comparing your achievements to the admissions requirements of when they went to school? If this is the case, they might think you are "wasting" your potential.
Just a thought.</p>
<p>A meeting with my GC may work. He has been supportive of me in the past, but he has mentioned that sees a lot in me when comes time to pick colleges next year. But, if I am not interested in attending one of those schools he will not try and force me to go there.<br>
I don't think they've realized that standards have changed. The ivies are almost a lottery. They still try to force me to take the most difficult academic courses I can. There are AP and honors classes I do want to take, like english and humanities. I was not able to take humanities, instead I am going to take APUSH which has no relevance to my future. Band and Jazz Ensemble will always appear on my schedule no matter what. They may not appreciate them, but they see them as the biggest EC I have.</p>
<p>jazzfan, it sounds like even if you were/are Ivy material, you don't wish to attend an Ivy.</p>
<p>Where DO you want to go? Is a school like Rice or Lawrence U (both have great Music depts & offer merit aid) appealing? Maybe you can find a "boutique" merit aid school that will satisfy your parents desire for an elite school but will also be a place you can be happy too.</p>
<p>try to make them understand you want to go to somewhere els other than Ivy.</p>
<p>Jazzfan - My D is interested in Music Performance but wants a broad range of other areas too, so I've been researching places in which you can do that and be competitive for good merit aid. Check out the websites for the U. of Miami, College of Wooster, Illinois Wesleyan University, Furman University, DePauw University, Tulane University and Birmingham-Southern College. They're not ivy-level of course, but they're highly-respected colleges and universities in the top half of their respective categories (research univ or liberal arts college) nationwide, with outstanding music programs that and they all have the goal of attracting students like you who might be Ivy League potential but aren't locked into it. In order to lure you and your peers away from schools higher up the pecking order, they'll pick up a lot of the tab. Their name cachet won't satisfy your parents, but the undergraduate experience may be a lot more personal and somewhat more elite than UConn.</p>
<p>Jazzfan, it sounds as if it would be helpful for your parents to read a number of threads here in the Parents Forum. If getting them here is an, ah, delicate proposition, then you might want to find a few particularly salient threads and print them out for your parents.</p>
<p>Sympathies...you sound as if you've thought things out <em>for you</em> fairly well. To echo the question, where <em>do</em> you think you want to go to school?</p>
<p>Tell them to read college confidential(lol), they'll find out how some very good students with good GPA, SAT and ECs get rejected from Ivy, then they'll know. What they may need is an update view of the latest college admission games.</p>
<p>Just do a printout of stats for this year's admits at each of the schools.</p>
<p>I still think you should pursue the fact that if your family is not going to qualify for need-based aid, and your parents are limiting their contribution to $10K/year, it will be literally impossible for you to attend a $40K/year college. Your true match schools may be more acceptable to your parents if they understand that their Ivy dream for you is only possible if they personally borrow the money.</p>
<p>Without knowing your parents, it is hard to recommend an approach. You might try educating them, as others have suggested, about the real odds on acceptance to an Ivy. However, this is not the heart of the issue as I understand it. The real issue is whether you apply to the Ivies at all. You made it clear that you do not want to go. If not, then do not apply. Your challenge is to get your parents to accept this decision. Point out that going to these 8 schools is by no means the pathway to success. Your future depends on what you make of your talents and opportunities. From a purely academic point of view, there are too many good colleges for you to research, let alone apply to. Good students from at least a hundred places fill the top grad and professional schools. Show them the Dale and Krueger article that reports that where people went to college has little to do with their future incomes. Point out that you will do better in college at a place you enjoy, than suffering through an Ivy that you did not want to attend. </p>
<p>I gather that there are countries where it does matter greatly where one goes to college. If your parents are from such a place, they may have assumed the same is the case in the US. There is proof that it does not.</p>
<p>Fortunately you have time for some long discussions with your folks.</p>
<p>Good luck</p>
<p>I did talk to my dad... He's stil encouraging the ivies, btu we somehow got around to talk about "safties" which are really my match schools. like UCONN and ConnColl. He actually said he like ConnColl so that's a start!! He is still pushing for a top school, but he also metioned UVA which I do like a lot. My perfect school would be a small LAC near, but not in a small city or a smaller school that has good music and English programs. I also made the point that where a person goes to college does not have a major effect on future income... Maybe that wore off him a little.</p>