First of all, I’m very grateful for this website and forum. Our BS experience is winding down and I’m amazed at the number of years (5+!) I’ve been lurking, and occasionally posting, here. This place has been an excellent resource for our family!
My question: There is a faculty member at our child’s school that we feel has really been instrumental in helping our child to have a phenomenal BS experience. We’d like to thank that person in some way. My husband thinks that it might be fine to just give the faculty member a check (after graduation!) while I think that’s not the appropriate approach. I’m more in the camp of making a donation to the school that would be directed to this faculty member to do with as they please. Before I contact the school, I was wondering if anyone here has experience with this situation.
That is a lovely thought, @Preprep – but generally, the development office doesn’t restrict funds for the expenses of a particular teacher. (For special programs, though, I have seen that happen; or in athletics, when a parent makes a donation earmarked for the lacrosse equipment in honor of a coach, etc.) You could also make a donation to the school’s annual fund "In honor of " the teacher. That’s a win-win, because the school gets the donation, the teacher gets the recognition, and things like that are very much noticed by the Head of School during performance evaluations.
My recommendation would be heartfelt thank you notes from both parents and student, an email to the Head of School praising the faculty member, perhaps a gift card to the nice restaurant in town for the faculty member and spouse/friend. If you wish to give a larger gift more than that (very nice of you!), @cameo43 's suggestion of a gift “in honor of” is a great suggestion. I wouldn’t feel it appropriate to send a check directly to the faculty member.
Failing that, it’s true: just hearing something nice (email, card, skywriting) from parents is the best thank you. That may sound crazy, or like it’s not a real gift, but we aren’t allowed to accept money, and it’s stressful trying to guess faculty taste (parents always have far more refined taste than I do anyway), and alcohol and chocolate are their own minefield.
Boarding school culture thrives on faculty who work hard without expecting praise or thanks. I’ve had parents donate to the annual fund in my name and it’s very humbling, but I treasure the kind notes more. A few parents have even written letters to the Head of School (one hilariously stating "do whatever it takes to keep Albion happy!), but it’s the simple, personal words that mean the most.
I’m glad to hear that you have received such praise from parents, @Albion – it’s clear from your insightful posts that you must be an exceptional teacher. And I agree with you 100% about the notes. They mean way more than any gift could.
My husband is a teacher. I have a file of all of the thank you notes, copies of letters sent to the head of school, head of department, etc, that he’s received in the past 20 years. When he’s having a bad day, I pull it out and remind him of what an incredible impact he’s had on so many kids. He’s also received a ton of gifts–most are quickly forgotten. The heartfelt words of thanks are the most meaningful gift ever.