The benefits of Technology. Essay graders are needed!!!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey guys! It would be greatly appreciated if you could grade my essay. I hope you fellas like it!
The prompt was: Do the benefits of technology always outweigh the costs?</p>

<pre><code>In an era that birthed computers, microwaves, and televisions, life was given new dimensions. Such spawns of the Information Age are what enhance the lives of the common man, giving him new modes of reading his news—modes that replaced the primitive newspaper prints with applications of the revolutionary tablet. While some may believe that the costs of such pieces of technology are inflated and overpriced, it is these innovations that have transformed the ancient tasks of cooking and cleaning for better efficiency. Such efficiency allows humans to thrive and live their daily lives with happiness and liberation. Ultimately, it is evident that the offerings of technology are essentially worth the costs because of their applications that contribute to the efficiency of everyday life. This is immediately seen in the innovations of the iPad and the microwave.

Steven Jobs, a revolutionary idealist, has created better efficiency for the world through his strides in his Apple Company. With beginnings in the early Macintosh, where monitors weighed heavier than bodies, the world was manifested to the dimensions of applications. The applications have allowed humans to become in touch with the world around them, reading news and sports highlights subsequent to their postings. Overtime, this idea developed into the square piece that is called the iPad. The iPad allowed humans to, not only become educated in the real world, but also use the piece’s features in everyday life. In an Arizona elementary school, iPads have been used to quicken the early reading development of children. With everlasting changes in education, the most valuable entity ever to humans, the technology clearly outweighed its cost. The iPad, also used in business, is a great assistance for those who wish to keep up with their stocks as well.

To go on, the microwave invented by Harry Van Haven, is a domestic piece of technology that revolutionized the work for women. Where consumptions were once cooked on the primitive stove, they can now be heated and stored within minutes in a microwave. The time it takes to serve a family has decreased since 1947, when the microwave was first conceived. This piece of technology has not only made the work easier for men and women abroad, but has also allowed them to live their lives to their full extents—as time has been made to, simply, just “do more”.

In the final analysis, the iPad and the microwave have revolutionized the ability of people to extend their limbs of freedom to the outside world. With their efficiency to mitigate life’s work, such technology clearly outweighs their costs. If humans overtime have favored money over technology, we would have not even invented the primitive wheel.
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2

<p>bumppppppppppppppppp</p>

3

<p>OKAY, here we go.</p>

<p>First of all, I really liked your essays, but not your examples. I would perhaps give this a 9 or a 10.</p>

<p>What I like:
Your structure - you made your point very clear in the introduction and you had the supporting paragraphs and conclusion
Your introduction - although long, it’s very clear and thoroughly presents your thesis and your view. I really liked that. I almost never read a clear thesis when people write essays on this site, so I especially liked that. But you need to work on reducing the length of your introduction to 2 or 3 sentences, because you need more content in the supporting paragraphs.</p>

<p>What I don’t like:

  • Your examples. I’m too lazy to delve into the specifics of it, but I just feel like you didn’t properly explain the costs of technology and the benefits, or whatever. However, this is a bit of an odd-ball prompt, so there aren’t many literature examples to be used…
  • Supporting paragraphs:
    You need thorough paragraphs. Write a 2-3 sentence intro, it will give you more room and time.</p>
4

<p>I would give it a 10 or 11. My Essay for the May SAT wasn’t even as good as this and I got a 10</p>

5

<p>I’d say 10. I think you’d be better off with a much shorter introduction and instead have a third body paragraph. The graders expect to see a 2-3 sentence intro and conclusion (about the length of your current conclusion but not much longer), so if you shorten your intro, you have more time to add another example to strengthen your point.</p>

6

<p>I think a 10 or 11.</p>