essay score request

<p>thanks in advance!</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>The development of technology was made possible by significant advancements in science and the human desire for better things. Whether it be in the army or in the kitchen, we wanted gadgets that were fast, efficient, and powerful. That is why my dad loves to compare the horsepower of his lawnmower versus the guy next doors'. The theory was that my dad could cut the lawn faster, therefore shaving precious time for other worthwhile projects, such as looking for a better snow blower. Unbeknownst to my father though, technology isn't always good and sometimes the costs just aren't worth it.</p>

<p>One thing I myself have experienced in this technological age is my inability to make simple math calculations without a calculator. From as early on as middle school, the hand calculator was toted as a wonderful tool, a skill even. At the same time, our traditional skills of long division were lost. Similarly, technology has made us forget other skills and made us dependent on machines. Typing has made us forget how to write cursive, and email has made us forget capital letters.</p>

<p>A common argument by tech-fans is that technology ultimately makes our lives easier since machines can do much of our jobs good and fast. However in truth, just like how my dad's "freed up time" was really spent on acquiring new gadgets, causes an addiction to it and a life that isn't easier, but just faster. Many times have I seen a man with his family at the park, toting 2 cellphones while working on his palm pilot and laptop at the same time. Such multitasking, just like balancing multiple windows on a computer, has been shown to shorten attention span. Do we really want to live life not really committed to any one thing?</p>

<p>The biggest cost of technology is still the damage it itself can do. Advanced technology brought with us the weapons of mass destruction. Even after the tragedies of Hiroshima and Nagasaki our world is still not secure. These issues pop up again and again, such as on 9/11 when terrorists utilized the web and airline technology to kill innocent Americans.</p>

<p>Technology has brought a lot of good things, such as the ultra-efficient washing machine, but it definitely needs to be controlled. Relying too much on it, or making it too widely available, not only threatens life as we like it, but also life as we know it.</p>

<p>what is the essay question/prompt?
i love the kitchen and army sentence and the dad comparison...
good examples about your personal experience...
the 9/11 and Hiroshima paragraph is a bit limited probably due to time constraint...it would be better if it was more developed...same thing with the conclusion...it was adequate but not outstanding...the time crunch probably made you rush a little...
overall i give it a 10.5-11
please give me ideas and suggestions on my essay ><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=378176&highlight=essay%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=378176&highlight=essay&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>