Another Essay - Scores and Suggestions Welcome

Test Preparation
1

<p>I didn't have my test today, so I did a practice SAT on my own.</p>

<p>Please score 1-6 or comment. Thanks.</p>

<p>Nearly twenty years ago, President Ronald Reagan said to scientists and Nobel laureates, “You on the cutting edge of technology have already made yesterday’s impossibilities the commonplace realities of today.” In the same year, author C.P. Snow expressed a more ambivalent view: “Technology...brings you great gifts with one hand, and stabs you in the back with the other.”</p>

<p>Assignment: What is your opinion of the claim that the benefits of new technology always outweighs the costs? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example (or examples) from literature, the arts, science and technology, history, current events, or your own experience or observation.</p>

<p>The benefits of new technology always outweigh the costs. Almost all change comes from some form of sacrifice, be it monetary or physical. Manned space exploration is one such example, with the benefits of space exploration outweighing the costs in equipment and lives. The internet is another example of benefits exceeding the costs, as the information exchanged trumps all problems.</p>

<p>Space is the new fronteir. Once man explored the entire earth, there was nowhere else to go but up. Space provides clues to evolution and the formation of our own planet, and allows us to explore the prospect of humans on other planets. The downside of space exploration is the cost in money and the cost in lives. Despite these costs, it is worth it. The people that risk their lives do so because they want to, and they are fully aware of the danger. There is so much that space offers, and the fruits of exploration outweigh and costs involved.</p>

<p>Since the internet has been open to the public, it has brought with it a host of problems. Viruses, fraud and hackers all cause problems that would not be present without the internet. Although these problems can cause trouble, the positive effects of the internet outweigh them. Information can be shared at the click of a button, and communication between people has never been easier. The internet allows people from all corners of the globe to interact, which is something that is invaluable. Despite the problems that the internet prsents, the resouces and opportunities that it offers exceed the trouble.</p>

<p>Even if new technology brings problems with it, the technology it provides offsets the cost. Space exploration and the internet are two such examples. In addition to these, there are many other technological advances which bring problems and costs that are worth it.</p>

<p>Probably my least favorite essay so far...had trouble finishing it.</p>

2

<p>i think ur 2nd sentence is too general and doesnt need to be there. id provide a 3rd example. a little short. and u cud put ur general statements of examples from ur 1st paragrapth into a more concise form, blending with ur thesis. like "due to space, etc, and 3rd example here, the benefits of new tech always outweigh.." </p>

<p>also 2nd p, shud be "downsides are.." some grammar mistakes. u went off subject again when you said "man explored earth nowhere but up" . going off subject is really bad because they have to read thru hundreds of essays and if they waste time on some bs they get ****ed.</p>

<p>if i were 2 graders, id give it a 4 once and a 5 once, so 9/12</p>

3

<p>Thanks, those are definitely valid points.</p>

<p>Any other scores/comments?</p>

4

<p>I think the essay is kind of...well, dead. I think it's because you're probably not very enthusiastic about the topic. Try to be energetic about the topic --- even if you're not, part of writing a good essay includes faking enthusiasm. It's just not a very lively read.</p>

<p>I realize you only have 25 minutes to write the essay, but it seems rather short and I don't think you elaborated enough on each point. I think you probably shouldn't have picked space exploration, which is a very tired topic, and that's probably why it doesn't seem as if you elaborated enough. There's just not much to say about space exploration anymore. </p>

<p>The choice of the internet was good, though. You did a very nice job of bringing up the advantages and disadvantages. </p>

<p>Oh, and, try to work on your openers. The introduction begins with the thesis and there is no interesting opener to grab the attention of the reader. I think you have the same problem with the conclusion --- there's no strong clincher. </p>

<p>I'd give it a 4, but I'm really critical and my standards are pretty high. I have a feeling the SAT folks would probably give it a 5.</p>

5

<p>Good stuff Wings. I had trouble thinking of a good opener, so I figured I should just go with a thesis as to not waste time. My conclusion was quite rushed because I had little time left. In the past, my writing was too big, and I ended up running out of space. This time, I spend more time trying to write smaller and neater and almost didn't finish. Stupid vicious circle!</p>

<p>I'm just hoping for a good prompt...a la the one today.</p>

6

<p>This essay is not a 4 or a 5. it is a 3.</p>

<p>-it had a point of view demonstrating critical thinking, but failed to consider the counterargument and chose examples without expanding on why they hit one but not the other. thus the focus was limited and the vocabulary and sentence structure was limited. it is redundant of the thesis without saying much.</p>

7

<p>How the **** do you get a 3 out of such a well developed essay?!?!!? Did you even read the criteria for a 3??!</p>

8

<p>use the french revolution.... USE THE FRENCH REVOLUTION!!</p>

9

<p>At the risk of sounding stupid, how would I go about applying the French Revolution to this topic?</p>

<p>Thanks for the reponses guys, even if you are contradicting each other. :)</p>

10

<p>My essay was "Is majority opinion a good thing to follow?" Of course I said no. (They say there are no wrong answers but come on!) As examples I used the rise of fascism and Ayn Rand's novel Anthem.</p>

11

<p>sry.. my mind is so aligned with today's sat lolol</p>

12

<p>I used the French Revolution! I used the French Revolution!</p>

13

<p>You obviously didn't read my essay on today's topic: heh heh heh... :D</p>

14

<p>Hah, it's ok. CookieCrisps - not sure how that's relevant here, but that's cool that you used Anthem.</p>

15

<p>you get a 4 becuase</p>

<p>A. you only have 2 examples
B. you need to talk about both sides, you do that for anything ETS does.
cite a specify techology problem, then say why the benefits out weight the harms in the ex.
Those are the 2 points you missed.</p>

16

<p>I'd say a solid 4. Yeah, I think you have a very strong foundation for your essay. Keep practicing, and you should do fine.</p>

17

<p>If any of you have read Neil Postman's Technopoly, you'd get a 12 on this essay. It's a book about how technology is consuming our cultures.</p>

18

<p>Do you really need to talk about both sides and have 3 points? I've seen essays with two or even one body paragraph(s) and they were scored a 6. The both sides thing is new to me too.</p>

<p>What do they really want, or does it really matter that much?</p>