The best essay I've ever seen. Try to critique it.

<p>The prompt:
A better understanding of other people contributes to the development of moral virtues. We shall be both kinder and fairer in our treatment of others if we understand them better. understanding ourselves and understanding others are connected, since as human beings we all have things in common.
Do we need other people in order to better understand ourselves?</p>

<p>The statement "Do we need other people to understand ourselves" suggests that the key to understanding our morals lies in understanding others. In other words, by examining others, we can better ourselves. In my opinion, this is an accurate assessment. The evidence supporting this in life and history is very pervasive.</p>

<p>Take, for instance the experiences of Ray Allen, an excellent player in the NBA. He had a prolific career playing for the Miami Heat, but something always bothered him. When it came down to making the game winning free throw, he would often choke due to the various pressures. He went to a fellow teammate, Richard Johnson, who was capable of making even the most high pressured free throws. Ray Allen discovered that when Johnson stepped up to the line, he let all the pressure go by imagining himself at the training gym. Using this method, Johnson could make any free throw. Ray Allen emulated this strategy, and when the time came, he stepped up to the line, imagined the Miami training gym, took the shot, and made the basket, winning game seven of a playoff series. Clearly, one can see how Ray look to Richard Johnson and better understood how he could improve himself and make that game winning basket.</p>

<p>Take note of yet another example of someone who benefited from his expereicnes with others. Joe Kennedy was a pretentious stock broker in teh roaring twenties. He always looked on those worse off than himself with contempt. When he would pass poor people on the streets, he would heckle them, demanding they find work instead of beg. Unfortunately for Joe kennedy, all of his wealth was in stocks, and when Black Tuesday came, he lost everything, including his job. He soon became one of the people he scorned. Relegated to the lower class os society, he was surrounded by those he previously despised. But while he was surrounded by them, he realized that these were decent, kind, munificent people. He was touched by their love for one another and immediately changed his ways. When the economy picked back up, he regained his lost job and donated large amounts of his wealth to the underprivileged, becoming a prominent philanthropist. As one can see, when Joe Kennedy actually connected with others, he saw in them something he liked and found new morals for himself.</p>

<p>Clearly, people need to connect with others to gain valuable insight regarding themselves and their morals. This is clearly illustrated through the life of Ray Allen who bettered himself by emulating a team mate and by the life of Joe Kennedy who took traits of those he previously despised and became a better person.</p>

<p>This isn't the best essay ever. It's just an essay I wrote. The title was meant to attract attention. Please critique the essay.</p>

<p>wow, this is a great essay, and would probably score a 12 (though it’s impossible to know for sure, but it would definitely be over 10). There’s nothing really to critique. </p>

<p>I also saw the essay you posted on my page, and the only real thing that could be improved is the last example. The first two examples are very persuasive, but the last one is lacking, and doesn’t really follow the question the prompt asks.</p>

<p>I’d give it a 10 or 11. One thing I noticed was that in the first paragraph, “Do we need other people to understand ourselves” is not a statement and I feel like the conclusion could be written a bit better. Also, there were a few spelling, capitalization, and idiom errors throughout the essay but I’m not sure if those were errors from typing the essay…</p>

<p>Yeah the errors were just me typing it down as fast as I could. I’m so glad satman1111 replied to me lol… I’m desperately trying to improve my essay writing before Saturday comes and I get destroyed by the essay. Thanks for your opinions. I’m going to post another essay, satman1111, and I’d like you to read it and consider critiquing it.</p>