<p>Well, this has been the worst thanksgiving of my life. My parents have been married, but seperated for quite a while, but today I found out they're divorcing. I'm a bit surprised even though they have been seperated because they've been married for 20 years. To anyone who has been in a similar situation...how do you get past the pain?</p>
<p>I'm really sorry. You have to think about it this way: it's better to have two happy households than one broken one. One of the issues that bothers me with my parent's divorce is that I don't know why they got divorced, so I think talking to your parents about the situation is one of the best things. </p>
<p>I consider myself lucky because my parents divorced when I was about 4, but I still have to deal with joint custody and those types of issues. The big thing for me is the thought of eventually having ONE room, even if it's just a dorm room. I've switched houses every Sunday for about 12 years, and I'd kill to live in one room and have all my stuff in one place. The stress of packing every week is insane.</p>
<p>But looking forward to graduating and college helps me a lot because I won't have to deal with physically being in the middle of it all. My parents have been great about not using me to get back at each other, and they don't talk that badly at the other. Hopefully yours will be the same way. It's an issue that too many kids have to deal with but the main thing to realize is that it's for the best and never your fault.</p>
<p>My parents separated in March after 21 years of marriage. Actually, my mom left and filed for divorce about 6 months later. I felt no pain because my mom was miserable in the marriage and leaving was the only way to happiness, and now she is a much happier person than she was less than a year ago. The marriage had been going downhill for years and I got caught up in a lot of it.</p>
<p>I currently live with my mom but I still see my dad regularly. I am closer to my mom but I maintain good relations with both parents. My mom wants no contact with my dad and she only talks to him when their joint financial stuff needs to be dealt with. It took a long time for my dad to adjust without my mom because she ran the household. But I think he has finally gotten used to her not being around to take care of everything.</p>
<p>Celebrian:</p>
<p>What an awful Thanksgiving! My heart goes out to you. I have not been in a similar situation, so can only sympathize. What can you do? Deal with it one day at a time. Stick to a familiar routine. If you have siblings, I hope you will become even closer. Try not to get involved in taking sides but strive to keep on good terms with both your parents.
Your parents seem to be formalizing an informal separation that is of long standing. Perhaps, then, things won't be very different from what they have been. Still, their divorce may affect your financial situation in relation to college. Can you find out what your parents intend to do to support you (supposing that they are in a position to do so in the first place)? </p>
<p>I'll keep you in my thoughts.</p>
<p>It's weird because most of the time it does happen at a young age, but I'm 16. I feel like everything I've ever known is falling apart, and for the first time, there is nothing I can do to stop it.</p>
<p>Well, my dad comes over every night. But divorce is different. It means there is no reconcilliation is possible, when yesterday my siblings and I thought it was. I am worried about college now. Money has been tight with 1 sibling in college as a soph, but I feel everything is going to get a lot tighter.</p>
<p>My parents aren't the best with the money thing--they have to split EVERYTHING down the middle and it makes me feel like a liability or something because they make such a big deal about it. And now with college coming, my dad can afford the one half, but my mom can't the other. It's really something you shouldn't have to worry about, but unfortunately things get ugly when it comes to money.</p>
<p>You should realize that everything you know isn't falling apart. The family dynamic is going to change, but they're going to love you the same. It's good that they've tried to reconcile, but it didn't work out and they're moving on. I know it sucks, and you're allowed to be angry and upset about it, but it happens and at least you know your parents did all they could. It's not your fault and you shouldn't take it upon yourself to try to make things better or try to be in control.</p>
<p>my dad says their still friends- but I wonder how much truth is in that statement. I remember reading this book about a girl's parents who were married twenty years and getting divorced and thinking that could never happen to me...well it's happening to me now.</p>
<p>Celebrian:</p>
<p>I feel for you. Think of it, though, as not a new turn of events but the conclusion of a trend that has been there for a long time. I am glad that your parents are still communicating. The financial situation will need some working out, but I'm sure colleges will take it into account, especially with another sibling in college.</p>
<p>Sometimes, parents who do not get along wait until their children are in college to divorce. But that can be very disorienting for their children; and if the divorce is ugly, the children are caught in the middle while trying to cope with college. </p>
<p>Try not to let what is happening between your parents let you down. They care for you very much, from what you say.</p>
<p>My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage. They never seemed close anyways so it did not upset me much. I just liked how all the yelling and arguements in the house stopped. Now I try to run away from the problems at home, but I can't. My mom just sued my dad to help me pay for college. blah, she said he didn't even show up at court.</p>
<p>Keep in there. Things will get better. My parents divorced when I was young (like 5) and since my dad was a trucker and gone parts of everyweek I didn't really notice anything different from our normal family life. Just stay close with your friends and things will turn out better.</p>
<p>Ha, everyone seems to be getting separated or divorced. My parents separated when I was in 5th grade and my aunt and uncle got separated a couple of months ago. My A and U have two kids, 7 & 9. Hang in there and keep your eye on college.</p>
<p>Celebrian25:</p>
<p>I feel sorry for you. I can't really say anything because my parents never had divorce yet. What I can say is, it's better your parents are divorce than two are living together and fighting over forever. They usually end up drinking and sometimes beating their child. Everytime I've heard somethine like that, I feel lucky that this is not happening to me, but at the same time I feel guilty of how fortunate I am...</p>
<p>Celebrian,</p>
<p>I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what you're going through. It seems awfully insensitive of your parents to announce a divorce just as the holidays are approaching -- are they aware that this is having an emotional impact on you? Obviously you can't talk them out of their decision, but as a member of the family, you are certainly entitled to some consideration as far as how things are handled.</p>
<p>To us adults, it often seems that our teens are so involved in their own relationships and lives that nothing we do matters to them. That may or may not be the case in your family, but I would definitely recommend communicating openly with both your parents about the impact their decision is having on you.</p>
<p>Take care,</p>
<p>Dizzymom</p>