<p>turtletime - Yes, I wanted to respond on the other thread but it was closed before I was able to do so. I think you described it well - this is very much my daughter. It’s the issue of speaking about herself that’s the number one issue. The whole college admissions process seems to be so heavily into selling oneself.</p>
<p>Southbel, I PMed you.</p>
<p>I would call my daughter an introvert but she just doesn’t do well in the type of setting where you have aggressive extroverts. With close circle of friends and family, she’s extremely chatty and even outgoing. Her Art and French teachers love her and she is quite close to them (they wrote the most wonderful recommendations for her). I’ve always had a hard time describing her because it’s not quite shyness but at the same time she doesn’t go out of her way to be the center of attention or anything.</p>
<p>This may help you understand your introvert:
[A</a> simple explanation of how to interact with introverts | 22 Words](<a href=“http://twentytwowords.com/2012/08/29/a-simple-explanation-of-how-to-interact-with-introverts/]A”>http://twentytwowords.com/2012/08/29/a-simple-explanation-of-how-to-interact-with-introverts/)
and
[Caring</a> for Your Introvert - Jonathan Rauch - The Atlantic](<a href=“Caring for Your Introvert - The Atlantic”>Caring for Your Introvert - The Atlantic)</p>
<p>I must say that I am sick and tired of self-congratulatory articles about the supposed superiority of introverts, and the supposed mindlessness of extroverts.</p>
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<p>Yes, this can be true for selective schools, and it’s also true for employment, graduate school, and grant applications. The art of effective self-promotion can be learned. There is, in fact, little correlation between confidence and competence. Sometimes people who are highly confident are kind of delusional about their abilities, and people with less self-regard are more realistic. However, this realism holds them back when they “market” themselves. This point was made recently in the Harvard Business Review in relation to gender and promotion:</p>
<p>[Why</a> Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? - Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic - Harvard Business Review](<a href=“Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?”>Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?)</p>
<p>southbel, this isn’t so uncommon a problem. We know more introverted kids than extroverted and they all have similar issues when it comes to college applications but you know what, they all get into schools, good schools and they are thriving. In fact, this year, the only kid we know that struggled and actually left school is an extreme extrovert. Her need to fit in to the social scene was just too great and when she didn’t (headed to an east coast school where people are far more reserved) she didn’t know how to cope.</p>
<p>Some things that have helped my daughter. Interviews… we made a resume of most important achievements and we have her read through them just before an interview. That put her relevant experience at the tip of her tongue. Otherwise, she’ll focus on what she’s doing NOW even if it’s nothing compared to what she was doing a month ago. So far, interviews have been a mixed bag. She had one for which she connected deeply with her interviewer. They spent over an hour talking about eastern religion, finding connection with nature, literature and the human condition. Another she was in a room with a party girl who wanted to know how often she goes to the beach. D chose not to apply to that school because she was so turned off by this representative (current student.) She’s come to see them as her chance to interview the school as opposed to being judged herself. That seems to work for her… besides, most schools seem to rank interview pretty low in the admissions office.</p>
<p>Essay… stream of conscience writing exercises have helped. Then she can cut and paste pieces she likes into a more formal structure. Writing in the third person helped a good deal. She fought with one essay for weeks until I said, write it as a short story in the 3rd person. She whipped it out in 30 minutes and then she was able to shift it to 1st person more easily. </p>
<p>Remind your daughter that she already has coping skills. She can’t have gotten this far without learning how to maneuver in an extroverted world. For example, my daughter knows every quiet place on campus and has since she was in 1st grade. </p>
<p>Introverts should look at the admissions process in competitive schools as their friend. It’s difficult but it also gives a variety of opportunities for an individual to show who they are. You can see yourself as weak in an area but perhaps be accepted based on how strong you are in others. There is some comfort in there.</p>
<p>D is an introvert, yet very social and thriving in college. But she understands that being introvert is not about being shy, as many others have said. The Meyers-Briggs defines an extrovert as someone who derives their personal energy from social interactions with others - while introverts derive their energy internally through alone time. </p>
<p>The trick seems to be balancing the alone time (to recharge) with people time (to give). Introverts do not fair well when they do not take enough time for themselves. D will head to the library since that is practically the only place where she is guaranteed to be able to be alone for long stretches of time. She is aware of this need and feeds it appropriately.</p>
<p>I’d like to add to turtletime’s post: Let your D be herself with essay writing, interview,… in the application process. Parental intervention may not work well.</p>
<p>I agree that some of you are mixing up shyness, lack of self confidence, and introversion. I’m introverted but not shy, and am at ease giving speeches, etc.</p>
<p>Bookmark and apologies where needed.</p>
<p>I have a problem with excessive labeling. I think it is fine to recognize that you may get energy from being alone and that being around lots of people can be draining, whereas some may feel the opposite, but you can also learn to be more comfortable in interviews and in front of a group.
Most people i know would probably describe themselves as an introvert, but they aren’t shy, merely on the quiet side. They are probably actually ambiverts and have both extroverted and introverted traits.
[Move</a> Over Extroverts, Here Come the Ambiverts - Forbes](<a href=“http://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2013/04/10/move-over-extroverts-here-come-the-ambiverts/]Move”>Move Over Extroverts, Here Come the Ambiverts)</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem being or being labeled an introvert. It’s neither good nor bad, it’s just what it is. But please stop assuming shyness is introversion! Two different things!</p>
<p>OK, so maybe my friend’s D is just really shy in social situations with strangers. She has no prob. speaking in front of large groups. I’ve seen her do a great presentation in front of our large church congregation about her mission trip to Ukraine. She has a core group of really good friends at her college and parties like the rest of them. She doesn’t avoid group events just has a hard time talking one on one with people she doesn’t know. Afterwards she needs some time to decompress because it’s stressful for her. BTW, her school is Wingate University (NC).</p>
<p>In some cases a larger univ. can be an advantage. It is easier to blend in a larger class grouping. The odds of being called on to speak are much slimmer. It can sometimes make the transition to college easier since there will be many students from all over who don’t know each other. There’s far less of a social pyramid at a big school.</p>
<p>southbel, has your D considered Winthrop University? My neighbor’s D went there and had a good experience.
My S2 was somewhat shy, not around friends but in new situations/strangers. He really bloomed in college at his big state u.(East Carolina University…good art program,btw) Now he can strike up a conversation with anyone.</p>
<p>The main message should be that she did not have to push herself to be anyone other than herself at the portfolio review. The school noticed her talent and did not choose people according to personality type, but on the basis of their work, as it should be.</p>
<p>She will no doubt gain confidence over the next few years but she should not feel that she has to try to change her personality, only her attitude toward it.</p>
<p>She could even feel superior, standing there quietly letting her work do the talking while others participate in vulgar salesmanship!!</p>
<p>Seriously, most people in the art world know that some of the stillest waters run deep, as they say.</p>
<p>I feel pretty darn comfortable saying my daughter is an introvert - she also thinks that of herself as well. Nothing wrong with it. As an obvious extrovert, I can see how she is not like me at all in that regard. However, I don’t agree that extroverts are people who do not need alone time or to recharge. Everyone needs that at some point. Instead, I think the biggest difference between my daughter the introvert and myself the extrovert is how we approach a crowd or people in general.</p>
<p>I, as an extrovert, will immediately move to be ‘in the crowd’ and even lead. My daughter, who doesn’t necessarily stay away from crowds, tends to stand back and observe, has no issue with leading but generally won’t go out of her way to fight to lead either.</p>
<p>She’s not a self-promoter. She may appear shy at times but she’s only reserved around people she doesn’t know. Once she’s comfortable, she’s quite chatty. She does tend to prefer activities that are more solitary in nature (e.g. reading, art).</p>
<p>Now, the issue with college admissions that I have noticed is that some colleges seem to be geared towards extroverts. Even some essay topics seem to be ‘show us how extroverted you are’ in nature. I say this because it’s the impression my daughter has gained thus far. I worry that she’s not seeing how some of these colleges could be good for her because of the impression the admissions department tends to give about their colleges. </p>
<p>Great example would be Gettysburg College. Personally, I don’t see it as a big extrovert type of community but the essay topic seemed to read that way. It was talking about how you have made a difference in your community or school. My daughter decided to write about how making a quiet everyday difference in people’s lives is important. I thought she did well but she thinks, based on this topic, they are looking for those kids that are looking to lead the world, etc. It’s hard to explain why she sees things this way as I do not but it is what it is.</p>
<p>I am encouraged that so many of you have introvert children who have done well in college. I genuinely believe she will blossom and be a great addition to a college. Of course, I am her mother, so take it with a grain of salt!</p>
<p>PackMom - she has considered Winthrop but she didn’t really love the school. So far, she loves College of Charleston the best but is having a problem with it because it is so close to home. She’s quite attached to the idea of going away to college (but not TOO far away - lol).</p>
<p>I agree that it really is not an issue of introvert vs. extrovert but rather that some people are just not comfortable “promoting” themselves and their talents. Unfortunately, this is a skill that we all need to some degree, socially and in business. My observation is that it is often the most talented and secure individuals that suffer from this.</p>
<p>Here is a book that I found to be a great resource: “Brag. How to Toot Your Own Horn Without Blowing It”. Think the author is Peggy Klaus.</p>
<p>My D who identifies as a introvert occasionally got a bit discouraged in HS. She did notice that many of the academic awards seemed to go to the more extroverted kid.
Scholarships as well.
However she had no trouble getting into several decent schools and is now thriving at college.
She has found her people and is much more sociable that she was in HS. </p>
<p>One of her essays for college admission was on being an introvert.</p>
<p>Your daughter is misinterpreting. The colleges are not looking for extroverts. They are looking for students who contribute in any number of ways to campus academics and life. Tell her to stop fixing on this issue, if she can.</p>
<p>I meant to say I noted that you said she had surgeries that caused her GPA to go down. Did she have accommodations during those times? My daughter had several surgeries and other health problems and the teachers had to fill out forms every day with what was covered in class, what the homework was, with any class or home work attached, and also any tests or quizzed. They also had to keep her up on any grades missing from their books. She had extensions on some things, which she rarely used, but pain and pain meds can make it hard to work.</p>
<p>Is it too late to address some of those issues in her school? She would have been entitled to home tutoring, though we chose not to use that and do it ourselves.</p>