<p>I have posted about my son several times on this forum and corresponded with several anxious parents by pm. I would like to tell our story again, to give hope to others who are still in the thick of it. My son just graduated last week with a degree in electrical engineering. Despite having a less than stellar GPA from a regional university, he has accepted a job that seems tailor made for him, with an excellent salary and benefits package. He will complete his MBA through an employer sponsored program at a top 25 university. It has been a long road, with many, many challenges along the way and there were times that I worried we would never be where we are today. But here we are! </p>
<p>My son started school as a young 4 year old, in our local pre-k to 12 prep school. Early on it was apparent that my son was a square peg, so to speak. His pre-k teacher recommended having him tested by the school psychologist to determine his readiness for school and to help us decide whether he should finish out the school year. He tested in the genius range of IQ at age 4. He was retested 4 or 5 times over the years, all with the same results. He remained in his pre-k program and did well through first grade, although he was a challenge for his teachers. He was blessed with an exceptional teacher for first grade, who nurtured his strengths and lovingly overlooked his weaknesses. In second grade, we were not so lucky. His teacher urged us to have him tested for ADHD, which we did, and he was put on medication for the school day. He continued to do well academically in elementary school, but struggled socially. He was chronologically much younger than his classmates, with many of them a full year+ older than him. But he was intellectually in a different league than his peers and was more comfortable with adults than his classmates. He had a few good friends, but his closet friends were several grades ahead.</p>
<p>When my son entered middle school, he began to balk at taking his meds. Over the years, we had made several adjustments, with varying results. At 12-13, can't remember exactly, he finally told his doctor that he did not want to take the meds anymore and that was the end of that. His grades suffered and despite having one of the highest scores in the state on the SAT, taken as a 7th grader, he was moved out of Algebra I as an 8th grader after getting a C the first quarter. Over the years, he had been diagnosed with various learning disabilities, but due to his high IQ, he still tested in the normal range, so accommodations/modifications were minimal to nonexistent. My husband and I tried to use a natural consequences approach with him, with not a whole lot of success. He was not motivated by grades, could care less. He enjoyed many of his classes and did very well on tests. But he rarely turned in homework and his notebooks were a mess, resulting in low grades. I had many meetings with his teachers, academic advisors and counselors, and was told not to worry, he would be fine once he got to high school. He was not.</p>
<p>In 9th grade, he tested in the 99% on the PLAN test, administered in late September. Mind you, he was taking Algebra 1 and Geometry at the time. I sat down with the Director of Student Services to map out a plan for my son and was basically told that his purpose in high school was to mature. Well, that didn't work out so well. His missed NMF by 1 point and graduated high school with just under a 3.0, near perfect scores on the SAT and ACT, each taken only once, and 5's on his AP exams. His low GPA excluded him from the state scholarship that would have made his college expenses much more manageable, for him. His college application results were dismal, despite clear documentation of unaccommodated learning disabilities, dating back to 2nd grade. He ended up at a small, regional university 2 hours from home. </p>
<p>My son entered college with a prepaid college plan that covered 4 years of tuition, but because he did not qualify for Bright Futures, our state scholarship, he was responsible for his own room and board. He knew from middle school on that he would be responsible for anything over and above tuition, so this was no surprise. We agreed to pay for his fees and help with books, but he was on his own for the rest. He worked during the summers and saved most of his money for school, but it quickly ran out. He started working at school during his sophomore year. I did not know what his grades were at college, but I did know that he failed/dropped a few classes. In his senior year, he switched his major from business to electrical engineering. Yes, you read that right, his senior year in college! We supported his decision and agreed to pay his rent while he pursued his engineering degree, so that he could work less hours and focus on his demanding classes. He was responsible for all other expenses, including tuition when his prepaid plan ran out. He economized by taking as many classes as he could at the local state college, paying out of pocket and saving his prepaid credits for his university classes. He did not take out any loans or receive any financial aid until last year, when he applied as an independent student. He had a well paid internship this summer and was able to pay off his unsubsidized loans from last year and his tuition for his final semester. He graduated with a small subsidized loan that he could easily pay off with his savings, but has chosen to pay off in installments to build his credit score. </p>
<p>My husband and I took a lot of flack from family and friends for not paying our son's college expense, even though we could well afford it. But we felt that it was an important lesson for him to learn, the natural consequences of not doing his homework, etc., causing him to not qualify for the Bright Futures scholarship that was easily in his reach. He has been angry at us for many years for this and I am sure it will be a point of contention for a while yet, at least as long as his high achieving sister is in college, lol. But as he has matured, he has come to realize that we did what was best for him in the long run, even if it "really sucked" (his description) at the time. It was difficult for us to watch him suffer and I admit to helping out on more than one occasion. But he never asked us for money, even when he was desperate. </p>
<p>I am very proud of what my son has achieved and the young man that he has become. He has been a challenge to raise, but so worth every moment of anguish I have suffered. It would have been far easier for all of us along the way to take the easy way out, on many, many different fronts. But I believe that making the tough decisions, and standing by our convictions, even when it was very hard on our family, has provided the foundation that allowed my son to succeed, despite difficult circumstances. So for those who are dealing with this right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel and there can be a positive outcome, no matter how bleak things seem right now. Best wishes to all!</p>