<p>I know, I know. They are there to get an education but at least to some extent that education is broader than textbooks and lectures. So, as we wait on final , year-end grades from those kids who deign to share - what grade does your kid get for social life? As if from our distant perch we would have any idea how to grade them. </p>
<p>D did well but better fall than spring. A and a B. Maybe a B-. Much better than high school when she was a C+/C- at best. I think she fell into some old bad habits- too focused, blinded by the tasks in front of her, laser locked on her academic goals. She says she never mastered down time. It concerns me but she did stay social. She dated some but not really as much as first semester. She went to dances and parties but it seems she's not really opening up as much as she was first semester. I think the wings got a little singed. I know this from Madame Cleo. The kid doesn't say much about guys. </p>
<p>She's not concerned but .... as I know that others have kids who didn't really find their people in high school (or date much in high school) - and D is certainly happier with her social/conversational choices than then- how's it going for your kids one year or more in?</p>
<p>Its good to hear from you again, Curm. Since your D pre-med, she probably is more focussed than many classmates. She could have tried the typical college dating, then decided to settle down and wait for the special ones. She's one of the top students at her college, and I believe she'll want someone at her level to truly date. Plus, her dad sets the bar pretty high.</p>
<p>For my S, lots of acquaintances in feshman year, but true friends by junior year.</p>
<p>Dunno how to rate her social life since she doesn't tell much. I think she's been hanging out with different friends in the last two terms than the first. and I know she's been very active with ultimate and musical theater. I do suspect a bit of singeing, too. Gradewise, she has gone from a solid A student to an B+/A- student, which bothers her a bit, but it's a more difficult grading scale than she was used to.</p>
<p>I think we forget that some kids (and some adults) just aren't the types who want a really busy social life. </p>
<p>Some people do their thing (whatever that is - study, work, sports), meet someone along the line, get married, and never do the "hanging out," partying, oodles-of-friends thing.</p>
<p>Don't you have some adult friends who are still party-hearty and some who are homebodies? I do.</p>
<p>That's just my 2 cents before we analyze our kids' social skills. :)</p>
<p>If "dating some and going to dances and parties" is a B-, I fear how my parents would "grade" my social life :D. </p>
<p>I hate dances and have never dated anybody. I tell most of my friends not to call my house, and always have my cellphone off at home. I only talk about one or two of them around my parents. The rest? Well...let's just say I hang out with an "alternative" crowd. </p>
<p>You parents may think your kids are homebodies...but when they say they're going to the movies with X friend since 2nd grade, they may be moshing at a rock concert or seeing a drag show with 30 gay kids ;). </p>
<p>...Just putting fear into your hearts. Haha.</p>
<p>Good point weenie. My husband and I are both homebodies and---surprise, surprise--so is our son. He has a few friends he likes to hang out with, go to the movies, etc., but he's not a big partier. I have a feeling that Grinnell may bring out a bit more of his "inner partier" because their parties, dances and student organizations seem to have a healthy "weirdness" factor built in and because I think he'll have more of an intellectual peer group than he's had in hs. I don't mean smarter people necessarily, but kids who are more interested in ideas. Specifically weird ideas. So I'll be interested to see what develops, but, on the other hand, I won't really see it because--alas--I won't be there watching--though that's another reason his social life might blossom! He's not one to spill his guts either, so I don't expect play-by-play reports of his weekends.</p>
<p>er... she went over the limit on text messages last month, prompting me to scrutinize the bill. High volume of calls & messages to the boyfriend. </p>
<p>That's pretty much the limits of what I know and how I find out.</p>
<p>I hate the thought of social life as something that gets graded.</p>
<p>Some people are extraverts. Others are introverts. One is not better than the other. The amount of social activity that pleases person A might be regarded as ridiculously excessive -- or woefully insufficient -- by person B.</p>
<p>Be careful what you ask for Curm. You can be concerned about a social life that is not as active as you would like, but one that is too active with the wrong people or person is truly terrifying. In this area (our Ds' social lives), boring is much better than interesting.</p>
<p>Ha, ha! I sometimes do wonder whether my child has a secret life...and he will when he's half-way across the country. I actually hope he WILL do some partying at college, just not the dangerous stuff.</p>
<p>curm, only an extrovert would come up with something like this!! But always the analytical introvert, I would suggest that a "final grade" for their social life should take into account a few different things: First, is your student happy with his/her social life? (what grade would they give themselves?) Second, are you the parents happy with your student's social life? Finally, has their social life had a negative or positive impact on their academic performance? High marks in all areas would suggest a student who is adjusting well to college life.</p>
<p>Say Curm did I see you at Woodstock? Stage left, near the mud slide? Whatever happened to those girls you were with?</p>
<p>Seriously though, times change, social habits change. And it's not like Memphis is Atlanta (or even Austin!). Give Mudgette some space. She's never disappointed you before has she?</p>
<p>I think this is a good question. Of course, the notion of grading our children's social lives is both (a) mildly disgusting (maybe more than mildly), and (b) utterly characteristic of this forum. Anyway, I'm not going to do that.</p>
<p>My daughter has always been very social, but not with any romance thrown in. For her, the challenge of college has been to learn to dial it back a bit -- not to do stuff just because she can and she won't get caught, but because it makes her happy (and not just for a couple of hours) and fits into her life. Her first year, she didn't do a great job of that; second year has been a lot better. She made a good choice not to live with her close friends, so that her living space is calm and something of a refuge from constant bohemian artistic flirtation with self-destruction. I think she still drinks too much, but a little bit less too much and a little bit less frequently, and that makes a significant difference.</p>
<p>She has always attracted some needy, vaguely unhealthy friends (along with friends who are not like that). The mix seems to be shifting away from that, though, and that's good. One of her closest (and neediest) high school friends is at college with her; they are still friends, but don't spend time together that often (which is a relief to us).</p>
<p>We worry about the love life. As far as we know, she has never had a romantic relationship that lasted after the hangover wore off. (As far as we know, she has never had any kind of romantic relationship, but I'm not that naive.) She has that first-child perfectionist thing where she doesn't want to commit herself to something unless she knows she's going to do it well, and I think that holds her back a lot. She needs relationship practice that she's not getting. But what can I do about it? Nada!</p>
<p>Deep breath everyone. The "grading" piece is tongue-in-cheek. All of us worry about our kids' larger social wellbeing. "Grading" it is just a way of joking about something that can cause way more heartache than missing valedictorian because the other girl took Pottery.</p>
<p>For me this is a big issue. However, as I have been put into the cone of silence by she who matters, all I will say is that I now have theories about men and women in relationship and all the steps leading to relationship that I had never articulated previously. And the degree to which the fact that 17-22 year girls go to school with 17-22 year old boys - when on average the girls are about 4 years more mature than those boys:) affects everything later in life....</p>
<p>The problem with writing is the lack of bandwidth, especially in pithy little forum comments. That smiley could mean either, "yeah, right, more mature" or "poor girls -- they have to put up with those childish boys" or even some other interpretation. If it's the first, I sympathize, but if it's the second, I'd have to disagree, as 20ish girls strike me as just about as clueless as 20ish boys.</p>
<p>ObSocialLife: My son isn't in college yet, so I don't have much insight. However, he now spends his time with a handful of tech-geek friends and he is going to be an electrical engineering major in college. I don't expect much change.</p>
<p>The smiley meant - I have one of each, a boy and a girl. I love my children both too much. But I absolutely believe that on average boys mature later than girls - and it is not a snarky scornful comment all. However, I think it's true. And I think it's responsible for all kinds of issues.</p>
<p>By mature, I mean physically capable of giving birth and socially capable of relationships that would sustain the life of the baby they could give birth to. I am making no comment about musical taste, clothing appropriateness, or anything else.</p>
<p>Respectfully, that's an awfully small sample size. I don't know how you'd measure it, but I don't see much difference in the maturity levels of kids after age 16 or so. The social differences are vast in junior high (7th grade boys are not even the same species as 7th grade girls), but by 12th grade not so much. It probably comes down to what is thought of as "maturity."</p>
<p>umm...just wanted to point out that prairie dogs have been very misunderstood throughout modern history and this has resulted in their mass extermination despite the fact that they play an important role in maintaining the ecosystem of our prairies; they are extremely social animals, large extended families, work together to defend their colonies...heck they even groom each other to remove lice and ticks!</p>