I think it is very easy for an instructor or administrator or staff member (such as a member of the registrar’s office) to add to a student’s despair and self loathing. It is an easy path to think “lazy” or “immature” or “not bright enough” when there may be other things at work. If you are 18 or 19 and see others succeeding and the people “in charge” labeling you as incompetent, that may be enough to savage hearts and destroy resilience.
Institutions are made up of individuals. Most campus staff have very full plates and deal with a wide range of personalities. Hopefully truly vicious faculty and staff are rare (but do exist) – what’s more likely is that a busy educator or administrator moves through a problematic situation briskly. Being faced by a Team or Clan tends to make the process slow down enough that there is a fair look.
I did leave out many details (the medical scheduling clerk who told me that it would take six months for a referral for a sleep study and that our student could just “wait at home” to see if there was a cancellation – something for a determined parent to refuse to accept – not for an exhausted 19 year old to fight – I got moved up the food chain to a manager and we got a slot – not a great time of day, but we were glad to have it).
I also left out the great frustrations I had trying to contact campus staff as my sons each began “hiding” behaviors. When they weren’t returning phone calls and weren’t emailing, I knew something wasn’t right – but picking up the phone or using the college websites to figure out how to check on each son got me anything from a lukewarm reaction to a downright cold front – each implying I was overly involved and a micromanager – whereas I was seeing two, then three weeks of silence as a concern.
Please be aware that college policies vary widely and that variation can help a student sink or swim. In my state, Washington State University has a forgiving policy for low grades. The student is allowed to repeat the course and can substitute a subsequent A or B for a previously earned D or F. This can be critical for the student who needs a certain GPA to enter a junior or senior level specialty program, such as computer science. However, across the state at Western Washington University there is no such policy. Failing a course is a permanent mark on the record and it can take an extra year of attendance (succeeding at everything) for the GPA to get repaired so that a junior level course can be taken.
I write here using strong language like “evil” because I think policies that heighten self loathing or add significant financial burdens can suck the joy from life. We have a nation wide educational system that is not working for thousands. We have exhausted high school students, college students struggling to finish degrees and graduates facing decades of debt. I don’t see college staff as hawks waiting to stoop on mouse like students – but I don’t see college Trustees screaming for more paths for success – or for more awareness of the many things that can trip students up.
I know CC is the sort of forum where highly involved parents come – sometimes to justify to themselves that more close parenting is appropriate. Yikes! There are some appetites that should not be fed. But when a student is failing, it is no time for the student to be unsupported.