Just to be clear: I was not advocating that parents stay out of their kids’ lives. I was simply trying to say that the policy against parental involvement can be worked around and may even have some legitimate basis. I have spent years and years staying in touch, visiting, monitoring and ferreting out causes for health issues for my kids, and have personally encouraged and facilitated their medical leaves when needed.
However, when they are on campus, I tried to stay out of things as much as possible and found those strategic nudges to administrators to suffice. I support the limits on parental involvement, in other words, with some of the exceptions I described. (However, both my kids already had diagnoses and accommodations by the time they entered college.)
Olymom I totally agree that experiencing obstacles and failures can “build character” as they say. Some of that is due to their increasing ability to handle thing on their own, but that growth is most certainly not as possible without the behind the scenes support and wisdom of parents 
The thing about public schools as compared to private is that with private, you pay for most everything up front, whether or not you use it. Massages, ADHD coaches, tutors, single dorm rooms, ski cabins…
In public school, there are separate fees for everything, although there are online and flesh and blood coaches available. Before they enter their major, students may find classes to be larger than high school, and some discussion sections led by TAs instead of profs. But even at the UW, upper division courses may be much smaller, depending on department. It can take students a while to find their footing, but resources are available, even if they don’t qualify for disability support.
If they do qualify for disability support, they may need to restablish it at the beginning of each new school year.
This may take prodding, but having a formal record is helpful as is priority registration so you can get profs you know you can work with.
There is no shame in deciding you need to transfer, or in having a term or even a whole year that seems like a setback. I know lots of people my own age, who went on to very successful careers after changing schools, or taking way more than four yrs to earn their undergrad degree.
It will be good experience for when they go for their ph.d, and their supervising prof keeps changing the parameters!
Wow, adjunct bashing by post #19.
@Olymom, nice to see you back.
I have strong feelings on this subject in general, because I could have used someone advocating for me, both in HS and in college. And no one did.
Every time I read posts where people deride the “everyone gets a trophy” ethos I remember how pretty much worthless I felt at that age. I remember going to a “track banquet” when S was in 8th grade–ie, a potluck in the gym–at which the coach said something personal and positive about every single kid. NEVER in my years at school did I have a teacher do something like that for me. Never.
Why do people feel so strongly that kids need to learn how to be losers? Why do they feel so strongly that kids need to learn how to fail, to be put down, to accept that they are lesser?
It makes me sick.
And TA bashing, too. Quick! Grab the torches and pitchforks!
I’m going to post now to bring this thread up – others are starting to see the end of the year results and may need this sort of resource. Thanks all, for sharing.